Anonymous 148 KB JPG 08/30/18(Thu)00:18:25 No.77852004 >Attempt suicide with Helium gas >Dad busts in; removes mask >"Son, why?!" >Reply in chipmunk voice >"LIFE IS PAIN" >he starts laughing

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Anonymous 139 KB JPG 12/19/24(Thu)15:28:13 No.928849473 >Be Rose >Throw away a priceless jewel worth hundreds of millions of dollars >Could have made her family financially secure for generations but says no for le epic symbolism >Reminisces about the man that saved her, but also hogs the floating door like a selfish pig, killing him. (Watch the Mythbusters episode) This is one of the greatest love stories ever told? Dude, Rose is a f------ bitch.

Anonymous (ID: 9Mc0Hnwf 12/19/24(Thu)15:49:03 No.491828169 1.94 MB JPG >sells your gold reserves >basically completely crashes your economy >Canadian dollar crashes >tells leafs to anhero with suicide pods if they get too sick >imports 6 gorillion pajeets to fight over a single Tim Horton's >gets offended when basically only neighbor that has been decent says they would be better off annexed Why leafs? Why?

: Anonymous 05/26/22(Thu)13:13:15 No.68790277 196 KB PNG >Go on omegle >say im interested in politics >match up >ask them about their political opinion >take the radical extreme opposite of the answer >get them riled up >write a question of catalogues >they type for over 2 minutes >disconnect before they can send me their shittext 4 victims today

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: Anonymous 119 KB WEBM 02/26/23(Sun)20:04:23 No.72373381 >wash my penis everyday >it still stinks what am i doing wrong?

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03/03/23(Fri)03:33:33 visiting burgerland for a week because family meeting >haven't seen my Dad ever since i was like 11 years old after he married to an american woman and permanently moved to Idaho >meet my half sister, she comes to pick me up to the airport because Dad is working : Anonymous st No.28477068 49 KB JPG >don't know much english except basic stuff that I learnt in highschool and google translate >try to ask my sister if she wants to be my friend >"do you want to mate?" (As long i knew "mate" was slang for buddy or friend, i thought i had asked her if she wanted to have a friendship with me) >her face retorts into absolute disgust and blush like a thousand suns >advert her gaze and laugh awkwardly while patting my shoulder in panic >5 hours later i connect dots and realize what i had truly asked >the shame i feel is immense Alright... Any advice? I think i gave her a bad first impression, everytime i try to apologize she sort of laughs nervously and avoid meeting my gaze, i think she is as ashamed as I'm, make sense I'm like a decade older than her, she is barely 17 and we are silbings, what i said was very awkward, how do i apologize? I have tried to write a letter and translate it with internet but this is more than translating issues, I'm just socially inept and don't know how to address the issue.

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Coca cola origin story | /r/Greentext

John Pemberton.jpg 40 KB JPG >Be me >Morphine addict >Create a drink to cure my addiction >Fail to cure myself >Fast forward a century later, half the human population is addicted to my drink Mfw I'm probably responsible for the most heart attacks around the globe Mfw I just wanted to cure my morphine addiction

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Bread is easy to make and will make her panties disappear, stop complaining | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/17/21 (Wed)21:31:41 No.66202332 >talking with girl >mention something i cooked >she asks me to cook for her >like f------ clockwork >ask what she wants >its always cupcakes, bread, or a burger what the f--- is wrong with girls? why dont they eat anything else? 66 KB JPG

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Anon is tired of waiting for two weeks | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: F4uub4Mv) Russia warns of nuclear apocal(...) 03/02/23(Thu)20:00:15 No.418270600 >The deputy chairman of Russia's security council, Dmitry Medvedev, has warned of a global nuclear apocalypse over West's continued supply of arms to HAPPENING Ukraine. "Our enemies'...goals will 10 KB JPG certainly lead to a total fiasco. Loss for everyone. A collapse. Apocalypse. Where you forget for centuries about your former life, until the rubble ceases to emit radiation," he said. https://inshorts.com/en/news/russia-warns-of-nuclear- apocalypse-over-wests-continued-supply-of-arms-to-uk IT'S raine-1677564933115 Anonymous (ID: bbweu6mS >>418270600 (OP) # do it f----- 03/02/23(Thu)20:01:36 No.418270729 >>418272265 # >>418274197 # >>418275191 # >>418275566 # >>418277852# Anonymous (ID: CpaC3RBu ) >>418284227 # : Anonymou 03/02/23(Thu)20:34:39 No.418274197 >>4182706 All over a ra DO IT F----- >>418270600 (OP) # >>418270729 # >>418272265 #

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Anon tries to date a cute twink | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 207 KB JPG 03/02/23(Thu)19:03:06 No.29876605 >be dating cute twink >4th date they were something that makes me notice small breasts >me, "woah do you have boobs?" >him "oh yeah I take estrogen but im just a guy" >date is kind of awkward after that, contemplate continuing to tlsee the person, decide yes because we have similar interests and there the first person I've dated, things have been going well but not great >go out a few more times and they dress to hide there chest >8th date we go back to my place, start fooling around >they ask for head >get ready to go down on them >remove there pants >vagina >me"wait what the f---" >*him* "what's wrong" >me "I thought you said you were a guy on estrogen" >*him* "i am a guy the estrogen is natural" >me "I think we should just watch a movie tonight" >*him* "whatever f-----, and leaves" >go to bed incredibly confused on what happened What the f--- happened last night????

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dumb dumb mister | /r/Greentext

98 KB JPG >Be me, sleep deprived DM, half an hour ago >Get startled by phone ringing >It's one of my players >Me: "Dude, it's midnight, you good?" >Friend: "Yeah yeah, sorry if I woke you. Could I ask for a favor?" >OhGod HeKilled Someone.gif >Me: "Uh, sure? Shoot." >Friend: "My daughter can't sleep, could you tell a quick story over speakerphone? She loves listening to the recordings of our sessions before bed, but I left my laptop at the office so I can't play them." >NaniTheFuck.mp3 >Me: "She listens to us to fall asleep?" >Friend: "Yeah, but she really likes your plot and NPC acting bits. She calls you 'dumb dumb mister! Guess Dungeon Master is a bit hard for a preschooler." >Me: "Wow...well, if it will help her sleep, then sure." >Friend: "Thank you! Okay, give me a sec to head back to her room." (pause) "Okay, you're on speaker." >Me: "Hey, [daughters name], it's uncle Anon." >Daughter: (Happy gasp) "Dumb dumb Mister!" >I've NeverBeenHappierToBeCalledADumbDumb.jpg >Me: "You ready for a story about...(DM IMPROV SKILLS ENGAGE)...the time your daddy and his friends went deep into a cursed temple to save a frost dragon egg?" >Daughter: (Incomprehensible happy squealing noises) >I then proceed to spend nearly 20 min spitballing a story over the phone for the most fascinated little girl until she eventually fell asleep. Friend thanks me for the help and says he'll see me on game night. >Lay down in bed, actually feel content and comfortable for once. I should have thanked him. >I am the dumb dumb mister.

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Anon and the charcoal filter | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Pa 8 KB PNG 03/01/23(Wed)00:55:42 No.72406212 >be me >be 14 >release the most awful fart at school >a girl cries >school nurse makes me take note home about the fart >dad laughs >mom stops feeding me beans >known has fart boy at school >made fun of constantly >remember my mom has little bags of charcoal to put in the fridge to get rid of smells >steal one >put it between my buttcheeks everyday >I will never have a smelly fart again >several months later >walking down the hall >charcoal granules start pouring from my pants >I rubbed a hole through the bag >kid yells fartboy is pooping himself >everyone runs away >teacher asks what it is >say its dirt >get sent to principle >explain it's to get rid of fart smells >doesn't believe me, thinks it's drugs >searches me, finds $100 bill in my wallet >got it for christmas, felt cool walking around with it >principle is convinced i'm dealing black crack >call police >they test it, tell principle it's just sand >they walk drug dog around >found weed in someones locker >everyone hates me even more now

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Anonymous 03/03/23(Fri)00:05:35 No.895273328 >be american >constantly bitch about fast food >blame fast food for widespread obesity >routinely buy fast food

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Based unalive method | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 243 KB PNG method? 03/02/23(Thu)22:07:42 No.72429509 >>72429003 (OP) # >My best friend killed himself with his families f------ katana. Holy f------ based. You'd rather he'd have picked a way gayer

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Anon's trip to LA | /r/Greentext

117 KB JPG >be me at 27 >Driving down to LA with the guys >I'm the designated driver, no drinking for me unfortunately >We get to our hotel, stop at the casino >Hottest woman I've ever seen in my life comes by my table and starts flirting with me >Guys wink at me >Girl offers me to come back with her to her place >I accept and tell the guys I'll call them or have her take me back to the hotel, I figure the worst that happens is I see t--- >Fast forward to her place and she takes me to her room >Gives me a condom >She takes off her clothes, it's the most beautiful thing I've seen since the Zelda Twilight Princess reveal trailer >She takes off my pants and starts making out with my sacko >My c--- gets stiff and she helps put on the condom >We start f------ hard >5 mins pass and I'm starting to feel the c--- tingle, her hole is giving the ol grip >Hear a door close and "honey I'm home" >Heart drops >The door opens, it's still dark and his deep voice says "hey honey, whatcha doin" >He's a 6'8 ripped African American man >Light turns on, he sees me nude on his woman >Surprisingly he doesn't kill me on sight, but he says I have two options >I make love to him or he beats the s--- out of me >Luckily I'm bisexual >Start blowing his 9" wagger >Make him finish in minutes, so good it's instant forgiveness >Go back to the hotel and tell the guys what happened >They all get jealous >We end the night with an o---, I have one dic in my mouth, one in my hand and one in my butt at the same time Best night of my life

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Greentext Stories - Anon is a chipmunk | /r/Greentext

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Anonymous 148 KB JPG 08/30/18(Thu)00:18:25 No.77852004 >Attempt suicide with Helium gas >Dad busts in; removes mask >"Son, why?!" >Reply in chipmunk voice >"LIFE IS PAIN" >he starts laughing

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