Me when my DM uses the traumatic backstory I gave him against me

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COLOUR hey is the next session ready

AHG!! GOBBLINS! AAA!! Do You MEAN FOBLINS I'M BEING GOBBLED! AAAAAAA!! I GOT THIS DONT YOU F------ DARE

IT TOOK ME DOZENS OF SESSIONS OVER SEVERAL YEARS TO RULE A CITY BY THE END OF THE CAMPAIGN. YOU JUST ROLLED A 20 AND YOUR DM GAVE YOU A CITY. WE ARE NOT THE SAME. imgflip.com

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I tried to steer the players toward their quest by having them run into a pig at a guard post with a sign around its neck. THAT PIG IS WEARING A SIGN... "ADVENTURERS: INQUIRE AT INN." THERE'S MORE TO THIS... SHOULD I SMITE IT? I SHOULD PROBABLY SMITE IT. I had to come up with a backstory for the pig when the ranger cast Speak with Animals. I AM CALLED GLORIA. They immediately fell in love with her. I KNOW NOT WHY I HAVE BEEN PREVAILED UPON TO UNDERTAKE THIS TASK, FOR I AM A PIG LIKE ANY OTHER, CONTENT WITH LITTLE MORE THAN A FULL TROUGH AND AMPLE MUD IN WHICH TO COOL MYSELF ON SUNNY DAYS. I LOVE YOU GLORIA. I CAN'T BELIEVE I WAS ABOUT TO CLEANSE YOU WITH HOLY FIRE. TONE IT DOWN. Just IN CASE. ADVENTURERS INGLUKES TAVERNSS After the quest, the players demanded to keep Gloria as their reward. KEEP YOUR FABULOUS WEALTH! WE WANT THE CUTE PIG! OH... WELL, FOR A SMALL PORTION OF THIS GOLD, I'D BE HAPPY TO SELL YOU THE LESS TALK MORE PIG! I'LL SMITE YOU, I'LL DO IT, I SWEAR I WILL! So, now Gloria the Pig is a famous adventurer. " UNTOLD WEALTH YourDnDStories by AC Stuart Based on a submission from Windmorrow

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I intend to role-play as long as I live. THATS COOL! I'M GOING TO ROLE- PLAY FOREVER. I'M GOING TO HAVE MY DICE TURNED INTO BONES. LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT SOME AND I'LL PUT YOU ON THE LIST. 0 BRO. PIC COLLAGE

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imgflip.com THE RANGER IS POSING AS CHOSEN OF TIAMAT. HE DEMANDS SACRIFICES FROM GOBLINS IN HIS DRAGON'S VOICE FROM TONGUE OF THE DRAGON GIFT HIS DECEPTIVE SCHEME LEADS UP TO HIM BEING BROUGHT UP TO AUDIENCE WITH GOBLIN KING RANGER CAND PARTY) SEES KING ARGUING WITH A DROW, SO RANGER, AS A WOOD ELF, TALKS TO DROW IN ELVISH DROW DOESN'T SPEAK ELVISH

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