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Kevin Kunkel @kunkelcomedy College is such an unbelievable transformation. You leave home at 18, still a child. Just 4 years later you emerge a fully formed alcoholic child with 5 figure debt.

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Ryan North @ryannorth.ca Follow I'm so used to bar bathrooms with cutesy signs that I had to stop here and ask myself if I was a Mario or a Wario M W ALT April 13, 2025 at 4:33 AM Everybody can reply ALT

Greg the Sorcerer @gregthesorcerer The villain could be hiding anywhere! The villains lair: @oocculture Apr 14 Check out the lightning behind the Capitol Ø 0:02 12:03 PM Apr 16, 2025 4.6M Views

ΟΤ Notifications Messages bot with ASS followed you Real Human 3 @veryrea/67100034289023574112867 Joined TODAY ⚫1 Follower Not followed by anyone you're following Hi! Want to see some ASS pics? Click here bit.ly/AASSS

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Amazing system

Stacey @skittle624 I'm so glad I pay for a million different streaming services and none of the movies I'm looking for are free.

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How rude

Troy Johnson @_troyjohnson You: "I'm only 35, I have my whole life ahead of me." Sports broadcaster: "Here comes the oldest player in the league. He's 32. A miracle."

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For real

7k @7kDevaun Rather have a 500k honeymoon than a 500k wedding. JAMAICAN Shelly-Ann's Hamstrings. @_nxzxj Rather have 500k. *** B

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Hated that spoon

Could really go for one of these bad boys right now. Only if it comes with the wooden spoon, though. The wood is half the flavor.

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It's on him

Jon @ArfMeasures Genie: you have 17 wishes Me: isn't it normally 3?? Genie: yeah but *vaguely gestures to me* lot of issues here

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Cheese...

Yasha ♡ @yashatovah Yeah, olive oil and cheese and pastries can make you a little fat. Yeah, sunshine gives you wrinkles and wine ruins your liver and spending money on pretty things eats up your savings. But unfortunately, I've decided to enjoy life anyways

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Couldn't be me

slate @PleaseBeGneiss people who brush their teeth in the shower are operating on a level of efficiency i have no desire of achieving

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Way to be

Dude-Bro Dad @thedadvocate01 There's a party next door but judging by the mix of late 90s/early 2000s jams, they'll wrap it by ten.

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I get it

Forest Barnette @foresthempen My 3y/o is the only girl at her small daycare. I was thrilled when she started talking about her new friend Piper and how much they loved to play. Every day for months: Piper this, Piper that. Finally I asked the daycare lady about maybe scheduling a playdate. Piper is a cat.

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I hate this

Creepy.org@creepydotorg. 4h A Japanese man noticed food disappearing from his fridge, so he set up a security camera and found out a homeless woman was living in the top compartment of his closet and been there for more than a year. 524 tz 2.2K 29K ılı 3.7M

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Nailed it

consigliere @moyodre How would you write "I changed a light bulb" on your resume? M @THATYORUBAGUY @MuyiwaSaka Single-handedly managed the suc- cessful upgrade and deployment of new environmental illumination system with zero cost overruns and zero safety incidents. от Σ

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The best name

M @_MercyFul I'd really like to hear the reasoning behind women who won't take their husband's last name Emily Best @emilybest BECAUSE MY LAST NAME IS BEST. twitter.com/_mercyful/stat...

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Twitter / X - Funny how that works

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Kevin Kunkel @kunkelcomedy College is such an unbelievable transformation. You leave home at 18, still a child. Just 4 years later you emerge a fully formed alcoholic child with 5 figure debt.

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