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Just accept it

Matt Margolis @ItsMatts Law Follow Aliens (completely bewildered) so the groundhog Me: is clairvoyant, yes
Matt Margolis @ItsMatts Law Follow Aliens (completely bewildered) so the groundhog Me: is clairvoyant, yes

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I feel attacked

Abbie @AbbieEvansXO [buying something online that in the pre-internet era I would've had to get out of bed, shower, get dressed, and leave the house to do] Website: you have to go get your wallet now Me: this is bull
Abbie @AbbieEvansXO [buying something online that in the pre-internet era I would've had to get out of bed, shower, get dressed, and leave the house to do] Website: you have to go get your wallet now Me: this is bull

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This language is not real

rudy betrayed @rudy_betrayed Follow There's no f------ way that "we're having a serious problem" in Dutch is just: "we hebben een serieus probleem" Geert Wilders @geertwilderspvv • Jan 17 We hebben een serieus probleem met de politieke ontwikkelingen mbt de dwangwet en ik hoop dat dat de komende dagen kan worden opgelost. 8:55 PM Jan 18, 2024 869.2K Views . •
rudy betrayed @rudy_betrayed Follow There's no f------ way that "we're having a serious problem" in Dutch is just: "we hebben een serieus probleem" Geert Wilders @geertwilderspvv • Jan 17 We hebben een serieus probleem met de politieke ontwikkelingen mbt de dwangwet en ik hoop dat dat de komende dagen kan worden opgelost. 8:55 PM Jan 18, 2024 869.2K Views . •

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That's my love language

Lily Sullivan @LilyYily my love language is cooking elaborate meals screaming at everyone to get out of the kitchen then loudly announcing the food was NOT MY BEST and waiting for compliments 7:00 PM - 2022-03-20 Twitter for iPhone • 77 Retweets 14 Quote Tweets 1,213 Likes
Lily Sullivan @LilyYily my love language is cooking elaborate meals screaming at everyone to get out of the kitchen then loudly announcing the food was NOT MY BEST and waiting for compliments 7:00 PM - 2022-03-20 Twitter for iPhone • 77 Retweets 14 Quote Tweets 1,213 Likes

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It's all about balance

Adam Hess @adamhess1 Took 28 years to realise that no matter what the meeting is about, if you randomly chime in with 'it's just about finding that balance' people will always agree.
Adam Hess @adamhess1 Took 28 years to realise that no matter what the meeting is about, if you randomly chime in with 'it's just about finding that balance' people will always agree.

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Regret forever

Amanda Bates @Batemeddy What's the dumbest thing you believed as a child? young gunner @machinegunkelly Naptime was a punishment.
Amanda Bates @Batemeddy What's the dumbest thing you believed as a child? young gunner @machinegunkelly Naptime was a punishment.

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How awful

Jesse Case @jessecase I'm a PROUD bidet user, but it didn't occur to me how losing power in 0° weather would affect the water temp. I think I just had what could be called a religious experience with that bidet. Like, I saw things.
Jesse Case @jessecase I'm a PROUD bidet user, but it didn't occur to me how losing power in 0° weather would affect the water temp. I think I just had what could be called a religious experience with that bidet. Like, I saw things.

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That's the nice part

Ginny Hogan_ @ginnyhogan_ If you work from home, you might go multiple days without speaking to another human being, but there are downsides too
Ginny Hogan_ @ginnyhogan_ If you work from home, you might go multiple days without speaking to another human being, but there are downsides too

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Here kitty kitty

Slippy @damnslippy.slippy.me Sincerely delighted to discover, 45 minutes into this nearly-wordless three-hour documentary about French monks who take vows of silence, that among the reasons they *can* talk is "to make sure the monastery cats know when it's mealtime by making little kitty-calling noises at them."
Slippy @damnslippy.slippy.me Sincerely delighted to discover, 45 minutes into this nearly-wordless three-hour documentary about French monks who take vows of silence, that among the reasons they *can* talk is "to make sure the monastery cats know when it's mealtime by making little kitty-calling noises at them."

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It's true

CANADA @kingtorc If you're over 35, hire movers Your friends don't want to slip a disc for pizza and 2 bud lights.
CANADA @kingtorc If you're over 35, hire movers Your friends don't want to slip a disc for pizza and 2 bud lights.

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I get it

Colleen @Coll3enG my mom and I were driving and I decided to call my grandma and my grandma was like "hey sweetie I can't talk right now, your mom's at my door" and i was like "grandma I'm driving with my mom right now" and my grandma just said "oh darn you caught me, I just don't want to talk"
Colleen @Coll3enG my mom and I were driving and I decided to call my grandma and my grandma was like "hey sweetie I can't talk right now, your mom's at my door" and i was like "grandma I'm driving with my mom right now" and my grandma just said "oh darn you caught me, I just don't want to talk"

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Bro...

Amanda Mull @amandamull every now and then i remember the guy who, 11 years ago, in my first week in NY, saw me unknowingly drop my wallet, keys attached, while rushing to get on the L at Bedford and scooped them up and absolutely fastballed them into the train as the doors closed
Amanda Mull @amandamull every now and then i remember the guy who, 11 years ago, in my first week in NY, saw me unknowingly drop my wallet, keys attached, while rushing to get on the L at Bedford and scooped them up and absolutely fastballed them into the train as the doors closed

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He definitely thought about it

Ben Anderson @BensHoops My dad used to work with Ted Bundy at the University of Utah and every Friday my dad would say, "See ya Monday-Bundy" and I can't imagine how much Ted actually thought about murdering him for it.
Ben Anderson @BensHoops My dad used to work with Ted Bundy at the University of Utah and every Friday my dad would say, "See ya Monday-Bundy" and I can't imagine how much Ted actually thought about murdering him for it.

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NTSB forces reporters to get plane crash updates on X

"The National Transportation Safety Board (NTSB) on Saturday said it will stop e-mailing news organizations and reporters with updates about two plane crashes that occurred earlier this week. Moving forward, the federal agency tasked with investigating transportation-related accidents and disasters said news organizations and reporters will have to follow the agency’s official account on X, the platform formerly known as Twitter, where “all NTSB updates about news conferences or other investigative information” will be posted moving forward. The NTSB did not say why it was choosing to post information about public safety matters exclusively on X, a private social media platform owned by technology mogul Elon Musk, who has curried favor with President Donald Trump in recent weeks. The Desk has filed a Freedom of Information Act (FOIA) request with the government agency to learn more about the NTSB’s decision-making process in moving updates to the news media exclusively to X."
"The National Transportation Safety Board (NTSB) on Saturday said it will stop e-mailing news organizations and reporters with updates about two plane crashes that occurred earlier this week. Moving forward, the federal agency tasked with investigating transportation-related accidents and disasters said news organizations and reporters will have to follow the agency’s official account on X, the platform formerly known as Twitter, where “all NTSB updates about news conferences or other investigative information” will be posted moving forward. The NTSB did not say why it was choosing to post information about public safety matters exclusively on X, a private social media platform owned by technology mogul Elon Musk, who has curried favor with President Donald Trump in recent weeks. The Desk has filed a Freedom of Information Act (FOIA) request with the government agency to learn more about the NTSB’s decision-making process in moving updates to the news media exclusively to X."

Twitter / X
journalism 2025 washington d.c. reagan airport plane crash national transportation safety board

Savage

Jess @_jesss3 In elementary school, a deaf girl stole my ice cream and I signed to her to give it back and she closed her eyes... 4/13/18, 1:24 AM
Jess @_jesss3 In elementary school, a deaf girl stole my ice cream and I signed to her to give it back and she closed her eyes... 4/13/18, 1:24 AM

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found satan /r/foundsatan madlad mad lad pranks

It's funny

dilly @arbysmozzstick yelled downstairs "mom, dad's home" she did not find it as funny as I did UNITED STATES POSTAL SERVICE EXPR CREMATED REMAINS PIT PRIORITY REEXATED
dilly @arbysmozzstick yelled downstairs "mom, dad's home" she did not find it as funny as I did UNITED STATES POSTAL SERVICE EXPR CREMATED REMAINS PIT PRIORITY REEXATED

Twitter / X
found satan /r/foundsatan madlad mad lad pranks

Brutal

JAEL @elle91 I'm going to buy a parrot and only teach it to say 4 phrases: -I miss my hands -Never break a promise to a witch -There's only one way to lift the curse -I just want to hug my kids again Posted in r/NonPolitical Twitter by u/step6666 reddit
JAEL @elle91 I'm going to buy a parrot and only teach it to say 4 phrases: -I miss my hands -Never break a promise to a witch -There's only one way to lift the curse -I just want to hug my kids again Posted in r/NonPolitical Twitter by u/step6666 reddit

Twitter / X
found satan /r/foundsatan madlad mad lad pranks

A little suspicious

lodgepolepines @lodgepolepines. 4h I be stroking the sword while lamenting the social realities 100 "Stroking the sword while lamenting the social realities" ( 剑伤世路), engraved by Shen Qianqiu. Ming Dynasty (Fig. 14)
lodgepolepines @lodgepolepines. 4h I be stroking the sword while lamenting the social realities 100 "Stroking the sword while lamenting the social realities" ( 剑伤世路), engraved by Shen Qianqiu. Ming Dynasty (Fig. 14)

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Well?

taoki⭑ @justalexoki told my wife i reach my beliefs by arguing with myself in my head until one side is out of arguments and she looked at me like i was an alien doesn't everybody do this
taoki⭑ @justalexoki told my wife i reach my beliefs by arguing with myself in my head until one side is out of arguments and she looked at me like i was an alien doesn't everybody do this

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Iconic

onion person @junlper.beer this is so C funny man i cannot believe › are even alive Catturd TM Follow 1h @catturd2 Fiber is for losers. 8:00 PM - 4/11/20 From Earth 4 Quotes 11 Likes 27 The Riffler @bird respecter.bsky.social Jesus please surround Catturd with your holy ↑ 3h angels Catturd T @catturd2.1h I'm in the hospital with a bowel blockage. I'll give you more details tomorrow. 2.6K 17432 5.6K Il 113K ☐ 1 Concerned Citizen @LetsGoBranden17 Follow Jesus please surround Catturd with your holy angels. Give him peace beyond understanding and heal him Lord. Amen
onion person @junlper.beer this is so C funny man i cannot believe › are even alive Catturd TM Follow 1h @catturd2 Fiber is for losers. 8:00 PM - 4/11/20 From Earth 4 Quotes 11 Likes 27 The Riffler @bird respecter.bsky.social Jesus please surround Catturd with your holy ↑ 3h angels Catturd T @catturd2.1h I'm in the hospital with a bowel blockage. I'll give you more details tomorrow. 2.6K 17432 5.6K Il 113K ☐ 1 Concerned Citizen @LetsGoBranden17 Follow Jesus please surround Catturd with your holy angels. Give him peace beyond understanding and heal him Lord. Amen

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brand new sentence /r/brandnewsentence oddly specific