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Anonymous C 128 KB JPG 07/31/21(Sat) 10:53:56 No.154336324 >OH NOOO I HAVE A LOYAL SMOKING HOT WIFE WHO WANTS TO F--- ALL THE TIME, TWO CHILDREN, A BIG NICE HOUSE IN THE SUBURBS, AND A JOB THAT AFFORDS ME THESE THINGS AAAAHHH HELP ME why was american television like this in the 90s? : Anonymous That's the joke. 07/31/21(Sat) 10:54:42 No.154336353

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Anonymous 21 KB JPG 05/07/21(Fri)21:38:10 No.63572031 >massive 4chan data leak happens >IPs for every post are leaked >they can now all be traced back to you What do in this situation? 13 Replies/2 Images Anonymous View Thread 05/07/21(Fri)21:46:14 No.63572130 >yeah i made all those racist, sexist, antisemetic, gay shitposts. What are you going to do about it? Cry? 229 KB PNG >>63572211 # Anonymous 05/07/21(Fri)21:47:01 No.63572143 Anonymous 05/07/21(Fri)21:50:54 No.63572193 Anonymous 05/07/21(Fri)21:52:37 No.63572211 >>63572130 # >No, you're just going to lose your job. >Also, you can't be within 300 meters of a school. >>63572234 # Anonymous 05/07/21(Fri)21:54:23 No.63572234 >>63572211 # >Lose my what? >Why would i want to go to a school?

Anonymous 12/05/15(Sat)23:25:38 No.28103985>>28104247 >>28104335 >>28105658 >>28105734 >>28106936 >>28110951 >live next to river >geese swarm our yard every year >neighbor is korean >likes to practice martial arts in his back yard >go outside one moming and look off our back deck >korean is in dramatic martial arts pose with a staff >4 geese are hissing menacingly >KKIIIIYYYAAAAAAAAAAAA! >Korean guy charges >geese charge →KKIIIIYYYAAAAAAAAAAAA! > asian fighting noises >today the spirits of his warrior anscestors have posessed him, a flurry of blows follow >one goose dead, one with its wing hanging like its broken and the rest run away while broken winged one flops around honking >korean guy makes asian fighting noises while he twirls his staff over his head >the east will show no mercy today >he smashes its head > he is breathing heavily and grinning like an idiot >I start clapping >he turns as red as it is possible for an asian to blush >hurriedly grabs two dead geese and sprints into his house >funniest s--- I've ever seen. >he turms as red as it is possible for an asian to blush 404 the east will show no mercy today Lámalian 2011

Being a ninja isn't cool anymore Anonymous 01/28/24(Sun)21:07:00 No.913102938 >Be me >Wayward kid of the 80s >Dad's an alcoholic who hates me and calls me queer >Mom's a w---- who's snorts cocaine off of men's asses. >Outside all the time >No friends. >Suddenly meet new friends >Tell me they think I'm kickass and invite me to their club. >Suspicious but don't wanna go home. >Follow them anyway >Big warehouse with bitchin' arcade games, billiard tables, and some kid smoking a cigar. >Other kids think I'm cool. >Weeks pass >Dad still hates me, Mom still a w----. >Go to clubhouse >Friends tell me this adult came by and wants to speak to me and my friends. >Guy says we're cool and gives us rad ninja outfits and weapons >Fuckyeah.jpg >Guy trains us then tells us to go stand out in an alleyway to guard it. >About to tell my friend that he saved my life >Friend then eviscerated by a big ass turtle with two swords. >FML as another pizza-smelling turtle smacks me in the head with a stick.

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anon might commit a felony in 3 years | /r/Greentext

4h (03/23/25 22:26) · 40070558 - 2 Re. 1 Img PNG - 14KB (189 × 125) hello.png 1 Reply . i cant scream > be me >wake up in the middle of a quiet suburban town at night >i have no memory, i only know how to talk > no mouth >wonders off into the forest, only to find a strange shadow following me >run out of the forest >try to call for help >no mouth >find an old shed > hide >the shadow thing found me, its just standing there. >go missing, have my body be found in a sewer on July 7th 2028 2h (03/24/25 00:53) 40071184 JPG 62KB (1080 × 605) FB_IMG_1742573749469.jpg Sorry to hear that, anon

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Anon appreciates the details | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/20/25(Thu)20:08:12 No.705868939 HEALTH 100 SUIT 100 OjJS0w3yZYFR89dpuQ0bVyRcQMTDyV_VulZjyPwoxZE.jpg 3.25 MB JPG Will Half-Life 3 have those soulful details Valve is known for?

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Anon has good question | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/23/25(Sun)04:26:06 No.706085237 Close Why do zoomers get triggered over fanservice in games? Display interface

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Anon runs a M&Ms eugenics program. | /r/Greentext

File:1192563983.jpg-(26 KB, 400x300) Anonymous 10/16/07(Tue)15:46:23 No. 42979025 [Reply] Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels. Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round. I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world. Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment. When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes." This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion. There can be only one.

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Anon it's to much of a Coward to buy a family pizza for himself | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 930 KB WEBM >Be me 01/16/24(Tue)06:57:33 No.20107420 >Go to KFC >Read the order off my phone in the hopes the cashier will think my wife wrote it for me and I'm picking up dinner for the family (I'm a 36 yo khv) >cashiers fw How do you guys trick fast food/liquor stores etc into thinking you aren't just ordering for yourself?

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Marx’s addiction to Opium | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/23/25(Sun)12:24:20 No. 17597004 >Called religion "opium of the masses" >Was himself addicted to opium What did Marx mean by this? 181 KB JPG

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Anon appears to live in a cave or something. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 09/01/15(Tue)16:41:11 No.60543538 File: IMAG0096.jpg (3.17 MB, 3024x5376) >>60543573 >>60543582 >>60543586 >>60543636 >>60543642 >>60544281 >>60545439 >>60545577 >>60545594 >>60545951 >>60546812 >>60549189 I watching movies on the laptop on the right to the one on the left has a broken screen from where I dropped it. Is a lot of clutter but I've been digging out the basement to expand it. Does not look like much but it's comfy Anonymous 09/01/15(Tue)16:42:46 No.60543573 ►>>60543600 >>60543652 >>60543692 File: WHAT THE F--- IS THAT THING.jpg (7 KB, 240x240) Anonymous 09/01/15(Tue)18:37:10 No.60546812 >>60543538 >>60543538 Is... Is that an onion in a cage? DESPITE ALL MY RAGE I AM STILL JUST AN ONION IN A CAGE Anonymous 09/01/15(Tue)16:45:32 No.60543636 >>60543817 File: 1385257075710.jpg (78 KB, 832x584) >>60543538 >Toshiba laptop Anonymous 09/01/15(Tue)16:43:12 No.60543582 File: 1430596314919.jpg (441 KB, 1688x1704) >>60543538 Jesus Christ... Anonymous 09/01/15(Tue)16:43:19 No.60543586 >>60544251 >>60543538 Do the homeowners know you live there? Anonymous 09/01/15(Tue)17:33:05 No.60545041 >>60542742 (OP) Jesus christ OP are you a fckin cave troll? The f--- is wrong with your hand? >>60545149 Anonymous 09/01/15(Tue)16:38:11 No.60543458 File: LOL TEARS.jpg (49 KB, 331x319) >op is literally an ogre that lives in a dungeon Anonymous 09/01/15(Tue)17:18:14 No.60544631 File: 1343557433065.jpg (15 KB, 252x300) Good thread Would read again Anonymous 09/01/15(Tue)17:52:05 No.60545594 >>60543538 Why is there an onion hanging in a cage?

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Anon hates 4chan | /r/Greentext

Anonymous COAL ALARM 03/23/25(Sun)14:23:18 No.80725752 >go on actual 4chan >Child p--- >Racist p--- >Furry p--- >Regular p--- >Something funny >Racist p--- 869 KB GIF >More f------ p--- >go on r/greentext >Something funny >Something funny >Something funny >Reposted 5 year old slop >Something funny >Something funny What's the point of even going here anymore?

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Boyscout experience | /r/Greentext

229 KB JPG >Be me >9 years old >Going to cub scouts >Scout leader says "Today we're gonna learn how to fold the American flag" >Stresses that "Letting the flag touch the ground is a bad omen and we'll have to burn it" >Am handed the flag >slips out of my hand, and falls flat on the floor. >Scout leader assures me it's okay and we can try with another flag >We burn the flag I dropped at the end of the meeting >The next day I'm in school and the teacher is told to turn the tv on to the news. >We watch as the second plane hits the World Trade Center >I think back to my scout leader saying "Letting the flag touch the ground is a bad omen". And that's the story of how for the next 6 months I thought I caused 9/11

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Taking back my love | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 000 SPACE RANGER LIGHTYEAR 27 KB JPG starts laughing 03/23/25(Sun)08:55:20 No.80722924 >decide to prank my wife >leave a note on the table while she's sleeping >"I don't feel anything for you anymore, I'm leaving." >hide under the bed, waiting for her reaction >she wakes up, reads the note and >called someone and said: "finally got rid of that ugly idiot, wanna hang out?" >changes clothes and leaves >mfw still under the bed >crawl out seething >see a note on top of the table >"your cologne stink, i knew you were here, i went to buy detergent to wash your shirt, I'll be back in 20 minues" She went too far, she actually hurt my feelings. It's time to ruin her body with a child. Its her own fault.

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Anon dates a Turkish girl | /r/Greentext

File: Gk1wAV2WIAAhgat.jpg (67 KB, 680x601) FELL FOR IT AGAIN AWARD Anonymous 03/22/25(Sat)22:02:49 No.80721003 [Reply] ► >be me >e-date turkish girl on discord >great for a month >it's mutual and we both agree to encourage each other to date irl >it's all good but >I notice her picture are not identical; her race, rize, eye color changing >she keeps asking for personal information >I confront her and now she's barely responding >tell her I'm fine if it's a catfish, but just tell the truth and send a selfie with a specific date and message on a piece of paper and we can keep being lovey dovey >dosent do it >confirms My suspicion >asks about some green card visa s--- hours later >can't believe I fell for it >stew for about a couple of hours >download Grindr and spend the night having BAY SUTTGEX with a hung daddy until my loneliness dissipates Try it, anons. It will work for you.

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Give me your reasons | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/23/25(Sun)03:30:40 No.80720063 >lie to sound interesting >pressed on lie >panic, block them instantly, and unfriend them anyone else? 6 KB JPG

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Greentext Stories - Anon doesn't like Married with Children | /r/Greentext

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Anonymous C 128 KB JPG 07/31/21(Sat) 10:53:56 No.154336324 >OH NOOO I HAVE A LOYAL SMOKING HOT WIFE WHO WANTS TO F--- ALL THE TIME, TWO CHILDREN, A BIG NICE HOUSE IN THE SUBURBS, AND A JOB THAT AFFORDS ME THESE THINGS AAAAHHH HELP ME why was american television like this in the 90s? : Anonymous That's the joke. 07/31/21(Sat) 10:54:42 No.154336353

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