sweetie, you are literally so out of line it’s fucking unbelievable. i could drag you so hard right now but i know you’ll just end up crying. i’ve knocked you out before and you know it. chances are you’ll just say "what was that noise?" because you have no peripheral vision and have different genes. talk shit get hit, you don’t wanna mess with me kiddo; i’ve got a black belt.

i know threats are fucked up but that’s all i’ve been receiving all day, probably from his second in command Ocelot and all of his nasty FOXHOUND operatives. but you can gang up on me and read my memory card for being shellshocked all you want. i’ve been hurt a lot. my first friend beat me over a minefield, my dad screams when i shoot him with a rocket launcher, and there are some days i don’t even want to find out where Metal Gear is.

i’m a jaded war veteran. i’ve been through shit that you wouldn’t even dream of. you think your life is hard? try sneaking around the sleepiest guy in your base in the middle of the tank hangar only to find out there is a camera next to him. you don’t know my life or my story so keep my name out of your nasty mouth. life is a battlefield and it looks like i’ve already won.

"this is a battlefield and it looks like i've already won."

Oh God! Oh sweet Zombie Jesus Tap-dancing Christ! I just… I can't… there are only so many laughs that I can muster at any given time.