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The Purple Box

Last posted May 18, 2012 at 01:20PM EDT. Added May 18, 2012 at 05:35AM EDT
14 conversations with 10 participants

So this kid is walking to school one day when a man jumps out of the bushes at him, yells PURPLE BOX!” then dies. The kid – lets just call him The Kid from now on – was pretty shaken up by the experience. I mean its not every day a crazy old man yells you and dies, but not knowing what to do he continues on his way to school. When he gets there he tries to forget about it and goes about his business until recess comes.

All the kids go out to play and do whatever it is little children do. (Susie was playing hopscotch, Steven was on the swings, ect) That’s when the kid told his friend Jimmy about the the old man. "Hey Jimmy, today i was walking to school when an old man walked up to me and yelled “Purple Box” then-" as soon as he heard “Purple Box” Jimmy froze, his face turned to horror and he ran off, leaving no explanation and a very confused Kid. A few minutes the bell rang and The Kid goes back to class where hes stopped by his teacher. “Jimmy said you told him a naughty story at recess today, is this true?” The Kid had no idea what she meant by “naughty story” so he tried to explain it, but as soon as he got to the end of the story the teacher look down at him with the most appalled look you ever seen and said “Young man, i have never heard such rude language in my life! Go to the office right now!”

So hes in the office and the principal says to him “Son I’ve been told you’ve been sent down to my office because of a story?” The Kid looks at him a little scared and tells him the story "Well today I was walking to school when a man walked up to me and said “Purple Box”, then he died. I told Jimmy and he freaked out. I told the teacher and she sent me here. whats the big deal with the purple box?" The principal looked down at him with a look of disgust. “Young man you are going home right now! you are expelled from this school” and the kid goes home.

When he gets there his mother asks him why he home and he tells her about the Purple Box. She looks down on him says “how dare you use that kind of language in front of your mother! Go to your room right now!” A few hours later his dad walks into his room and and asks what wrong, The kid tells him, "Today a man walked up to me said “Purple Box” then died. I told Jimmy, and he freaked out. I told my teacher, and she sent me to the office. I told the office and they sent me home. I told mom and she sent me to my room." His dad gets up leaves the room and doesn’t come back for several hours. When he does come back he has a briefcase with him and he says, “Son this briefcase has 10,000 dollars in it. I want you to take it and never come back to this house again” So The Kid is crushed, they packs his bags, they buy him a plane ticket to china, and they send him on his way.

On the plane one of the stewardesses called him over to come see the cockpit. (One of those “hey lets make some random kids day” things you see on tv and shit.) So he goes up, they show him some buttons and flashy bits, and eventually the reason for why hes on the plane in the first place comes up, so The Kid tells them about the old man and the Purple box. The pilot, after hearing the story says, “There’s a parachute in the back of the fuselage. I want you to take it and get the hell off my plane.” They escort him to the back of the plane, strap him in, and toss him out 10,000 feet over the Atlantic ocean.

The kid opens his parachute just fine – evidently there is such a thing as natural talent when it comes to jumping out of an airplane – and floats down to an island where he meets an old castaway. They talk for a while – make friends even – and then he tells him about the old man. "Well, I was walking to school when an old man jumped out at me and yelled “Purple Box.” I told my friend Jimmy and he freaked out. I told my teacher and she sent me to the office. I told the office and they sent me home. I told my parents and they sent me on a plane. I told the pilot and he kicked off the plan. Please, please tell me. Whats a Purple Box?

Now the old man sat there for a while, looking all deep and thoughtful. Then he turned to The kid and said, "Theres a raft on the other side of the island. I spent 6 years making it, but I want you to take it and sail west to New York. There, you will find a Purple Box.

So the kid sets off on an epic adventure across the Atlantic ocean. He fights pirates, wrestles sharks, punches C’thulu in the face, That sort on thing. Until eventually he makes it to New York. The Kid doesn’t know where to start so he goes to the top of the empire state building to get a better view. When he peers over the edge of the building he sees a big, bright, sign that says “Purple Box Here.” Now The Kid is so exited he completely ignores the elevator, bolts down the stairs, runs across the street, and gets hit by a bus.

Moral of the story: Look both ways before crossing.

Tl;Dr: What a twist!

Last edited May 18, 2012 at 05:37AM EDT
May 18, 2012 at 05:35AM EDT

404 user not found wrote:

well i thought it was hilarious

I see you’re back in the trolling business.

May 18, 2012 at 06:24AM EDT

User Name wrote:

I see you’re back in the trolling business.

trolling aside, i think it is a pretty damn funny joke

May 18, 2012 at 06:29AM EDT

Incidentally, the last thing I shouted at that madwoman that booted me out of the facility was Blue Waffles, which is three ingredients short of what makes up the Purple Box.

May 18, 2012 at 09:10AM EDT

And here you had me coming up with all these theories about the Purple box

Was it a curse? Was it conspiracy? Or was it the name of Gay Bar?

Dammit….I’m going to be pondering this for hours

May 18, 2012 at 11:08AM EDT

404 user not found wrote:

did you guys like my story?

Mine was better.

May 18, 2012 at 01:20PM EDT

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