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Funky Fresh Dating Game

Last posted Dec 21, 2013 at 06:20PM EST. Added Dec 05, 2013 at 05:35PM EST
49 posts from 19 users

Hello and welcome to Ring Pop Dating Simulator ™!

Before we start, let’s create characters. Place your suggestions in the comments. There will be one male and one woman ( inb4 die cis scum).
Any characters not chosen, may or may not appear later in the game.

I technically control characters, but what they do is chosen by suggestions.

Dec 05, 2013 at 05:35PM EST
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So, just pretty much give out a name and their gender, then be chosen by suggestion?
I guess I’ll join in then.

Caroline, female.

Is that it…?

Dec 05, 2013 at 06:33PM EST
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Just place suggestions for names. I’ll choose two (one man, one woman) and then I’ll start the story.

Dec 05, 2013 at 07:23PM EST
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Ferdinand Van Otttobahn, Australian Archduke.

Last edited Dec 05, 2013 at 09:33PM EST
Dec 05, 2013 at 09:32PM EST
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Alright let’s get started.
Male
Name: Big Dick Willy from South Philly
Age: 34
About: The tightest shit that’s ever touched the rap game is ready to find some true love.

Female
Name: Caroline
Age: 28
About: A professional florist with a love of Martha Stewart. She met this really keen guy online and she can’t wait to meet him.

Let’s begin!

Willy waits outside for Caroline to arrive. He is listening to Dr. Dre at the moment. Suddenly she appears and enters the car. Willy greets her.

What should Big Dick Willy From South Philly do next?

Dec 06, 2013 at 07:21AM EST
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He needs to come out and act smooth. Make normal conversation (smalltalk) then eventually segue into deeper stuff. (getting to know each other: interests hobbies etc.) Then try to give her the dick. If he gets himself into a sticky situation he can’t get out of, text his long time friend who can get him out of the situation.

Dec 08, 2013 at 07:12PM EST
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Willy looks her with needy swaggin’ eyes. Just about as he was going to take off his pants, he realizes that would be rape and he doesn’t want weak white ass in jail right now. Instead he tries smalltalk.

Willy: So, what’s your favorite hobby?
Caroline: Well I like plants.
Willy: [furrows brow and clasps hand together as he checks out the ass level. Not bad.]
Willy: My favorite flower is the hydrangea because blue is fucking tight.
Caroline: Yeah. Where are we going for the date?

Where will they go?

OOC: say everything Willy says in a Mr. T voice.

Last edited Dec 08, 2013 at 07:34PM EST
Dec 08, 2013 at 07:33PM EST
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EspurrStar wrote:

Olive garden?

Alternatively, they go to a restaurant.

Dec 08, 2013 at 09:02PM EST
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Restaurant with a plant-filled patio and a view of the moon.
Bitches love views of the moon.

Dec 08, 2013 at 10:07PM EST
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Willy thinks about the wonderful smell of Chuck. E. Cheese. The smell of rats and cheese. The vidya. Plus Antonio, who deals him some fine PCP. But he has a date tonight so they’re going to a restaurant.

He thinks of places and finally decides on the fanciest place in Pennsylvania: the Olive Garden.

Willy: I better not teller till we get there.

When they get there, the crowds are somewhat packed. They get inside and wait.

Be Caroline:

A strange black man you found on okcupid.com just brought you to a Olive Garden for your first date. What do you do?

Last edited Dec 08, 2013 at 11:00PM EST
Dec 08, 2013 at 10:58PM EST
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Contemplate on life choices. But since he brought you to a nice restaurant with a variety of foods…you might as well appreciate what he’s doing,

Dec 08, 2013 at 11:51PM EST
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Ann Hiro wrote:

Order 5 gallons of Grape Soda

Plus Fried Chicken and a Watermelon.

Dec 10, 2013 at 01:07PM EST
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Digoxin wrote:

Plus Fried Chicken and a Watermelon.

Actually 3 watermelons.

Dec 10, 2013 at 01:17PM EST
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Waiting for a table, Caroline will contemplate the beeper thing they give you. So much like a flying saucer, and yet only to save them the minute’s trouble of finding you in the crowd? It’s just incredible that so much thought goes into designing something with this tiny mundane utility!

Dec 10, 2013 at 01:29PM EST
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Ann Hiro wrote:

Actually 3 watermelons.

And basketballs, 2Pac CDs, Lakers jerseys, Jordans, bagy pants, and hair picks.

Dec 10, 2013 at 01:29PM EST
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YorShadow wrote:

Cmon OP whats taking you so long to continue the story?

sorry I was ejaculating to the story

Caroline looks at the menu and chooses the “The mega fine bootylicous bballing swag pack, which comes with 5 gallons of grape soda, a bucket of fried chicken, 3 cartons of watermelon bits, a basketball that inside is full of bread sticks, 2Pac candy CD’s, an edible Kobe Bryant jersey, Air Jordans full of gravy and mashed potatoes, and some hair picks that the cook on the floor of a Wendy’s.

Caroline looks at the buzzer thing. How the circle is like life and the rings are choices. She goes into a deep trance until she notices she is being watched. A charming young man that’s sitting at a table with people who look like family. She smiles back. Then the buzzer thing begins to buzz and they go to their seats.

What do they talk about at the seats?

Last edited Dec 11, 2013 at 07:34PM EST
Dec 11, 2013 at 07:32PM EST
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After about 10 minutes of not saying anything, Willy states:

Willy: you know what? Fuck Utah.

what should Caroline respond with?

Dec 12, 2013 at 10:06PM EST
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A short response detailing her enthusiasm about fucking Utah.

Dec 12, 2013 at 10:10PM EST
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Caroline: No thanks, I’m already getting anal from Kansas

Willy squints at you for 5 minutes then giggles.

Willy: I get it. You like anal so much that you fucked the entire state of Kansas.

Caroline: Well no, I just-

Willy: No need to say anything

Willy checks out Caroline.

Be Willy again.

You are undoubtly going to have sex with a bangin ass girl. What do you do?

Dec 15, 2013 at 02:46PM EST
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Ask her what her favorite fruit is. That way you know which lube to buy her. Then politely excuse yourself from the table to go buy some lube and protection from the drug store.

Dec 15, 2013 at 03:01PM EST
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Protection? What are you, a filthy moral-following pleb?

Dec 15, 2013 at 04:03PM EST
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A Furry wrote:

Quoting because works.

Dec 15, 2013 at 04:37PM EST
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Willy: So what do you like more, strawberry, blueberry, or banana

Caroline: Well I like melon more actually.

Willy: Hell no! They ain’t got melon flavored condoms and lube at CVS!

Caroline: Umm…

Willy: Fine. I’ll get banana, bitch. One moment.

Willy drives over to CVS, he meets his main man, Tyrone, working at the counter.

Tyrone: Hey man! What’s going on Will!

Will: I got a bangin ass girl who I’m doing anal with any moment. I need some banana flavored
condoms and lube pronto.

Tyrone: Condoms? Who the hell are you, some safe, fun hating freak?

Will: You’re right. Forget the condoms. Where are they?

Tyrone: Aisle 8, nigga!

Will gets it and pays 12 dollars for it. He drives back.

Be Caroline. The young man you winked at earlier finished his meal and is walking over to talk to you. What do you do?

Dec 15, 2013 at 09:44PM EST
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Yo, this guy is a train wreck, lets see if we can pick up this hottie!

Dec 15, 2013 at 09:47PM EST
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Caroline: Uhhh hey guy.
???: Hello fabulous. The name is Ferdinand.
Caroline blushes.
Caroline: Erm… I was about to go. Can I have your number?
Ferdinand: Of course you can sexy.
Carolines ovaries explodes.

Be Willy again.

you see this poser with YOUR GIRL! What do you do!?

Dec 18, 2013 at 04:34PM EST
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Flip shit and assert your male dominance and pride (which was in fact quite low up until now and your scrawny white boy arms can show that.)

Dec 18, 2013 at 04:37PM EST
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I hope I don’t sound racist but I’m starting to get confused with what Willy’s skin colour is. Some people say Willy’s white and others say he’s black , so can you clear this up for me OP?

Dec 21, 2013 at 02:54PM EST
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pull out your sword and become he-man, beat up ferdinand and run away, return to caroline as regular self and act like nothing happened

Dec 21, 2013 at 04:45PM EST
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Skeletor-sm

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