I Hate My Job

I Hate My Job

Updated Sep 01, 2014 at 01:13PM EDT by Don.

Added Jan 18, 2014 at 05:30PM EST by HTK.

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About

I Hate My Job refers to a series of bait-and-switch copypasta stories that typically open with an individual ranting about how miserable his or her life is but progressively reveal themselves to be an iconic fictional character or the premise of a popular fiction. The name is derived from the title of its earliest known instance, a copypasta story in which the narrator is revealed to be the main character from the animated television series Scooby Doo.

Origin

On August 4th, 2009, Redditor prehack submitted a bait-and-switch confessional from the perspective of the titular character in the cartoon television series Scooby Doo to the /r/funny[1] subreddit. Prior to being archived, the post gained over 16,000 up votes and 820 comments.

My job is so fucking unbelievable.
I’ll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with:
First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless. The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on makeup. She is extremely self-centered and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself. She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe.
The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet. Her career opportunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10. I’m not sure she even showers, much less shaves her “womanly” parts. I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store, she moans like a cat in heat.
But the jewel of the crowd has got to be the fucking stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead. In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and I’m sure after work. He probably hasn’t been sober anytime in the last ten years, and he’s only 22. He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 1960’s, and to make things worse, he brings his big fucking dog to work. Every fucking day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke. Hell, sometimes I even think it’s trying to talk with its constant bellowing. Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonalds and Burger King, every single fucking day.
Anyway, I drive these fucktards around in my van and we solve mysteries and shit.

Spread

On August 14th, 2009, the Scooby Doo copypasta was posted on the imageboard 4chan. On October 19th, Gaia Online Forums[4] member OneWingedEagle posted a copypasta story from the perspective of a Pokemon trainer.


So you think you had a hard childhood? Well ******** you, its got nothing on mine.

My mom practically kicked my a** out of the house before I even hit 13, and I never even met my dad. My only friend till I was 10 was the f*****t p***k next store who was always beating the s**t out of me and telling me I wasn’t worth s**t. Its not even like I had a choice, the town ******** had something like 9 people living in it, I s**t you not. My entire adolescence was just moving around from place trying to get along with people who didn’t even want me.

You think that’s the worst? My only friend was an Asian guy in his thirties or something, who only kept me around because he thought I could help him get laid. The only perk was that I also got to hang around with this cute ginger chick, she was flat as a pancake sure, but damn she was a total nymph. She must have been a sadist or something cause she always took pleasure in hitting me and telling me how she loved to get wet.

But dear god the bane of my existence was this adult couple that I could NOT seem to avoid. You know these types of couples that are absolutely sickening, like they wear matching outfits and finish each other’s sentences? Yeah they were ******** creepers, and they had a cat, which was at least twice as annoying as they were, I swear this thing would never shut the ******** up.
Like I said I ended up moving from town to town getting into fights with other kids my age, even adults from time to time.

The only thing that kept me going was my dream to become a Pokemon master.


On August 1st, 2010, Redditor 420247 submitted a story told from the perspective of the animated television character Spongebob Squarepants to the /r/funny[6] subreddit, where it gathered more than 7,100 up votes and 950 comments prior to being archived.


Guys, I’m fucking sick of this. I’m almost 20 and haven’t been able to score a better job than a fucking cook at a local fast food joint. What makes it worse is that I live in a small town so business is pretty limited, and where I work is the only place that’ll hire high school graduates. I’d get the hell out of this town if I could actually drive too, but I’ve failed every damn test I’ve ever taken. I’m socially awkward, even my only other co-worker fucking hates my guts. I have repressed lust for one of my best friends too; she’s athletic, smart and a gorgeous southern bell. I love her. You know what it’s like; I’ve been friend zoned real hard. She’s my only real friend, besides this one kid, who I’m pretty sure is only hanging around me because he is mentally challenged. I guess he’s the only one that can tolerate me. And what makes this all fucking worse is that I live in a fucking pineapple under the sea.


On April 28th, 2012, Tumblr user calamity_wolf posted the same Scooby Doo story. On November 19th, a screenshot of the copypasta was submitted to 9gag,[2] where it garnered upwards of 37,500 points in the first three years. On January 15th, 2013, the “Welcome to the Internet” Facebook[5] page highlighted the same screenshot, which accumulated over 3,500 likes and 110 comments in the next year. On January 9th, 2014, a green text story was submitted to 4chan from the perspective of the character Gaston in the 1991 animated film Beauty and the Beast. The same day, a screenshot of the green text story was posted to the /r/4chan[7] subreddit (shown below), where it gained more than 11,500 up votes and 220 comments within two weeks.



@MrLawson’s Twitter Story

On August 23rd, 2014, Twitter user @MrLawson[8] posted a series of tweets detailing a story about a love interest from his youth, only to reveal that he was retelling the story of Harry Potter at the end (shown below).[8] On August 26th, BuzzFeed[9] highlighted the tweets in a post titled “This Random Twitter Story Ends With A Harry Potter Surprise.”



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Top Comments

Flare Dancer
Flare Dancer

You think your childhood was bad? Compare it to mine and we’ll see who had it worse. I was kicked out of my house before I was even 12 years old. My mom didn’t say why, but I think it’s because she has the hots for the town doctor, and wanted me out of the way. So here I am, not even 12, and I’m already on the streets. Not even a week in, I picked up this creepy asian dude in his 30s or something, who I’m pretty sure was only using me to pick up chicks.
But it wasn’t all bad. I had this other person following me, a girl a couple of years older. Damn, she was a total nymph. Redheaded, constantly beating up both of us, and she really liked getting herself wet.
But then there’s this creepy old couple that follow me fucking everywhere. You know, the kind that wear matching outfits and finish each other’s sentences. Fucking disgusting, but their cat is, if anything worse.
I’ve been getting into fights everywhere I go. Sometimes I fight people older than me, sometimes all we have to do is make eye contact and we’re already going at it. I swear, the only thing keeping me going is my dream to become a Pokemon Master.

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