Bacon - And Yet I'm Still Alive

Since 2014 has just started, 1732 ended just over 282 years ago, long before you could possibly have been born. But let's put that aside for the moment and continue deriving.

282 years is equal to 148,320,720 minutes; divide that by 9 and you get 16,480,080 strips of bacon. You'd have to have eaten over 16 million strips of bacon in order to push your life expectancy that far back.

A really good comment, but you made one mistake. The time lost from each strip of bacon eaten is subtracted from total life expectancy, what you have calculated is for someone who dies in 2014. Since the average life expectancy in the world today is 67.2 years that means that you calculated the bacon intake for someone who was born in 1947.

Let us assume that this young person is in his early twenties, let’s say 21. That would mean that that he is supposed to die in 2060 given the present life expectancy. That means that there is 328 years since 1732. This means he has consumed 19155200 strips of bacon, three million more than your estimate.

The weight of one strip of bacon is about one ounce or 28,34 grams this means that he has consumed 543040 kg of bacon in his life. Assuming that he has a healthy sleep pattern (8 hours each night) this would mean that he has eaten 2,6 strips of bacon every minute of his life since the second he was born. He has eaten the bodyweight of an average European every day since birth (70,8 kg).

You can get about 15,4 kg of bacon from an average pig. This means that this person has been responsible for the lives of 4,6 pigs every day or about a total of 35200 pigs in his life.

So in conclusion; this man is not a man but a slayer of pigs, a horrid humanoid monster that only craves flesh with a truly insatiable hunger for anything made out of meat that moves.

And now I’m very very afraid.