A Startup Is Introducing Sloped Toilet Seats For The Workplace

Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime, but soon we may not be able to crap on company time.

A British startup has introduced arguably the most insidious concept late capitalism has concocted yet: the sloped toilet. Look upon this and despair:

BREAKING NEWS: Say goodbye to comfort breaks! New downward-tilting toilets are designed to become unbearable to sit on after five minutes. They say the main benefit is to employees in improved employee productivity. pic.twitter.com/lfDbeXJdCX

— Dave Vescio (@DaveVescio) December 17, 2019

On Monday, Wired covered the StandardToilet, a company literally borne from one man's annoyance that he couldn't find a potty when he needed to take a hangover dump. Company founder Mahabir Gill got the idea, Wired writes, "while he was shopping in a department store the morning after a particularly heavy night out, and in desperate need for a toilet, could only find locked cubicles."

Thus comes the sloped toilet, a toilet angled downwards at a 13 degree slope that will cause its users' legs to ache after five minutes. The slope will indeed cause strain on the legs, but “not enough to cause health issues,” says Gill. “Anything higher than that would cause wider problems. Thirteen degrees is not too inconvenient, but you’d soon want to get off the seat quite quickly.” The toilet has already been approved by the British Toilet Association, which is a real thing that exists, and will retail between £150 and £500.

Unsurprisingly, when this story hit Twitter, almost nobody was happy. The toilet, as many will attest, is a sacred area of the workplace where a worker can recuperate and take a few minutes of work-free relaxation (provided they aren't going through some gastro-intestinal distress).

man for a lot of people the toilet is the only opportunity to sit down or have some privacy during the work day. it's sacred https://t.co/ioIggOIr4i

— The Brave Little Poster (@Yelix) December 17, 2019

A vicious idea, something expected in a satire of capitalism but all too real thanks to soulless designers who value profit above humanity. https://t.co/2YNURTJRSg

— Chris Lamke (@crlamke) December 16, 2019

Capitalism is coming after your toilet time https://t.co/9zfp16Kerq pic.twitter.com/mVVMuPCbHs

— Apocalyptica (@ApocalypticaNow) December 16, 2019

Others at least had a sense of humor about the thing.

This efficiency measure doesn't go far enough. I want toilets that are spring-loaded and eject you right up and over the cubicle door if you take too long. https://t.co/kbdKQ9aZNn

— Lisa McNally (@Lisa_McNally1) December 17, 2019

Lol to people think I’ll go back to work because my legs hurt https://t.co/Rx9mdXvQFZ

— Mike Ginn (@shutupmikeginn) December 17, 2019

Are those productivity gains that i smell? https://t.co/rfXzBARdB3

— Matt Garrett (@MattGarrett3) December 17, 2019

At the very least, this is a development employees everywhere must resist lest corporate fatcats try to take our toilet time. Workers of the world, poop on!