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I Need Some Help With My Animated Pilot Script

Last posted Jul 07, 2015 at 11:45PM EDT. Added Jul 07, 2015 at 11:23PM EDT
3 posts from 3 users

I finally got around to making a rough draft for an animated pilot I've been messing around with for a while. Here it is in all its glory.
I know my writing isn't all that great and it's very rough around the edges and needs some major improvement, like more actions being listed, and I would like to know what I need to improve and fix. Also I don't have drawings finalized for what the main characters look like yet, so that's another thing I need to get onto before I can actually plan out storyboards.

First of all, don't use a script in an animation, as it makes no sense. A script is for real-life actors who can put emotion into acting themselves, unlike a drawing.

For an animation, I suggest you to write a basic outline of events you want. Then add some rough storyboards to add the visual emotion and "acting" from the drawings.

These rough storyboards later turn into layouts that enhance the emotion and image composition to look allow easy-placement of key frames and in-betweens.

Most famous animators (Walt Disney, Warner bros, HB animation) used this formula before some fool was crazy enough to thinking drawings have emotions themselves in animation with no planning nor visual-cues of rough story.

Hell, I may even have some canned storyboards from my animation. They looked really bad, but I was planning to enhance the heck outta them with layouts.

See layouts as a easier way of planing poses and emotion for detailed animation that words cannot describe. It works quite well.

Edit: I checked for all my scrap garbage. The remaining storyboards are from one half of the story, while the layouts are other half. So I have no storyboards to compare with layouts, sadly.

Last edited Jul 07, 2015 at 11:59PM EDT

Well, might as well chip in what I do know. First off, this is the screenplay format:

Learn it. Love it. Live it.

If you're looking for some "not-roughness", I think that's the place to start.

But with that being said, I did find a great source for info that's more specifically tailored to you.

Script Format: the format for an animation script is the same as the standard live action screenplay format. That said, when you put a live action and an animated script side by side, you’ll notice they look a little different…

ACTION:

In an animation script, the action is described in far more detail. You’ve heard the saying, “A picture is worth a thousand words.” Well, the process is reversed for animation writers. We use thousands of words to help the artists come up with the pictures. So that means clearly describing action sequences, sight gags, facial expressions, props and locations. That’s in addition to writing the dialogue and indicating any special sound effects and music the episode needs.

In live action writing, you usually leave camera angles and shots up to the director. But in an animated script, you have more freedom to suggest dramatic or cartoony visuals. Say a phone rings. You might call for a SLOW ZOOM or SMASH CUT to it. Maybe the receiver JIGGLES as the phone RINGS. Or a loud ring might JOLT the receiver RIGHT OFF THE HOOK. Maybe to get someone’s attention, it might BONK him/her repeatedly over the head. Note that animation writers often CAPITALIZE camera moves and important images, sound effects and music cues, and use lots of exclamation marks to show the level of excitement the final product is going to have. e.g:

A GIANT FLYING ROBOT zooms across the sky! It EXPLODES! KA-BOOOOOM!!!
DRAMATIC STING.


DIALOGUE:

In live action writing, you are discouraged from giving parenthetical “line reads” in the dialogue. Live action directors and actors tend to like to work that out for themselves. But in animation, nobody gets (too) mad if you let them know if a line should be shouted or whispered, or what the character’s attitude is, especially if the line can be interpreted more than one way.

Compare this:

ACTOR (scathing sarcasm)

Thanks for the line read. You’re the best writer ever!

To this:

ACTOR (humble gratitude)

Thanks for the line read. You’re the best writer ever!

Ahhh. Much better!
Last edited Jul 07, 2015 at 11:46PM EDT
Skeletor-sm

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