Hang in there.
I think it's awesome you manage to do this much!
I have a rudimentary understanding of C++ and game design, but don't know anything beyond that, like game development software, an understanding of game engines, game development communities, and what bazillion other things I don't know.
Every time I re-consider trying to learn more, either I'm completely paralyzed by not really knowing where to start learning and the sheer volume of information out there that I have no idea how to begin sloshing through, or visions of ending up creating some horrible Unity or RPGmaker cringe-fest, since I have no art or music or networking skills and it would be my first game.
Sorry for the tangential sob story. I just mentioned all of that to illustrate how far you've gone so far, at least from my perspective and you should give yourself a bit more of a break, instead of using words like "sloppy", "knock-off", "suck", and "decent" every other sentence.