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Become THICC.

Immortality
(that's all I got)

Turn positive emotions into nothing but a deep connection of sorrow, malice, and despair.

Impaling others with your spear

Shedding your skin like an empty husk to distract enemies.

The ability to be metal as fuck, and to burn all enemies in your path due to the sheer amount of bad assery you emit.

Unsheathe your pain and drown the dreams of those you wish to bring insanity.

Numb to the point of not being able to feel pain.

Inflate your butt and breasts at will.

is able to use fix a flat to fix themselves from puncture wounds

ability to split yourself in two: One mellow side and one crazy side

You can bark really loud

Can makes amazing machinery for the Emperor of Mankind

Can stare into souls and eat them

Capacatity of extreme perverted ideas

Being really fresh

technology manipulation.

The ability to see in every direction

Fear manipulation.

Bone chilling soundwaves.

Cybernetic body and lots of guns.

Aside from winning every staring contest ever, The Thing like transformation abilities are also yours

Earthquakes

Can absorb the abilities of everyone and everything. Also capable of flight.

Can withstand being shot at and has a nuclear reactor for a heart.

Can see throughout time, space, and the entire multiverse.

Can make people lose their job at will.

Your brain is replaced with a fully functional combustion engine

Some kick ass dragon killing abilities… and you can never die…

Can turn into a cute vocaloid at will (note: The vocaloid speaks in a thick Russian accent)

You can hallucinate your foes and only appear as a patrern. You are a true master at confusion.

You can turn extremely buff at will

Literally Sombra's hacking skills but greatly improved by several millenniums of technological advancement.

The ability to unban yourself from any website.

You can make machines work better when you're using them because you pray to them and they're too flattered to do any less than their full potential

Whatever the fuck he wants. I mean come on he's Jesus for Christ sake

You bring good will to others by smiling! Yay for a happy future!

The profile pic speaks for itself: Muscle growth

Stronger nose

The power to stick his dick in a toaster without harming himself

Dexterity, reflexes and senses on the same level as a household cat.

Technopathy, I now envy you. >:3