Compared to others, my adolescence has been a particularly… unique challenge.
I have been a Navy Brat up until this year, and I've been homeschooled since 1st grade, and from other factors I have not been outside my own house often. And since my pre-teens I have for longer-than-not lived with the extended family of my sister, brother-in-law, and their growing childern.
At one point; Between me, my siblings, my parents, and an aunt and counsin which have live with us too for a while; there were so many of us crammed together as an extended family living in the house that we had to turn the basement into a shared bedroom. It was an unusual life at that point, but I was happy back then rather than lonely; That was when I first got online, had a lot of fun starting to browse on youtube, playing games online, and posting on this very website forum five years ago.
But two years ago, me and my extended family moved out of the suburb neighborhood our lil'house was in and into this "middle of no where" rural area in a larger house and beautiful woods, It has enough room to now hold what is now 12 of us and our pets but because of the exact plot of land we're in: we couldn't and still can't get boardband internet here.
There's no fiber-optic cable we can access, and the woods hinders our connection to signal towers, so we're reliant on band-width limited satellite internet. Because of this, two of my most significant hobbies of online video and online gaming are basically restricted.
It hasn't been easy living like that. But I became more aware about my life and where I'm going; I had dived into learning about political and social matters, philosophy and cognitive bias, writing and story, playing music, and I grown to become stronger and more responsible. But now, I just feel like everyday is the same, that I'm trapped here, and spending a lot of my enengy trying to understand my feelings about while also numbing and distracting from my negative emotions, it feels so complicated trying to explain it.