It's been a year since the last one, and with the Death Stairs, random anvil drops, and users galore, it's coming back! Basically, one user will post an item, and the next user will post a weird, inventive, or just plain stupid way to die by said item, and then they post another item, and so on…

Example:
User 1: Item: Sasquatch
User 2: Death by messin' with Sasquatch.

User 2: Item: Can of Beans

Let's begin!
Item: Water Bottle
(If you plan to use any GIFs, pics, or vids in posts, make sure to use spoilers if necessary.)

Death: by bean allergy (Couldn't think of anything creative)

Item: DeLorean DMC-12

(I thought your item is the water bottle)

Crash on a wall 'coz you thought if you go with 88 mph you gonna go back in time.

Nail.

Attempted to perform a back flip towards it to hammer it. Nailed it.

Bacon.

You're hiking with a backpack that contains bacon as one of the edible items in it. You set up a camp for the night, with a campfire. Eventually, you get hungry and decide to warm up some of the bacon. The smell attracts a group of vicious wild animals, that wasn't satisfied with only some strips of bacon.

Item: milk

Spill it on a baby cow, get ex tuckered by A.R.M.S.

A waifu pillow

Attempted to rape it, commits suicide in prison.

Nic Cage

You end up in a firefight with Nic as your companion, however, your supply of ammunition is limited. It takes only a few moments before you're both out of bullets. You see a marksman in the distance, and beg Nic to save you. However, Nic, who remembers how you treated him, gets bitter. You see the marksman taking aim, and you duck behind Cage.
However…

Item: the case of a game of your own choice.

You step on the old 90's jewel case of Half Life 1. The plastic shatters and sharp broken pieces impale your feet. You die from infection. Lesson: pick your shit off the floor and don't walk the house naked

A dragon dildo

Upon insertion your anus rips itself 3 times its old size.

You die a slow and painful death from blood loss.

The entire continent of South America.

Make a racist joke

All the dictators

Die in assassination attempt

A major internet fandom

You make a negative opinion about the fandom

You receive anthrax in the mail, sometime later

A Barbie doll

The Barbie Doll Comes to Life and Kills You in Your Sleep

The Internet

Use it, then go to the deep web, FBI intensifies

Randomman and BSOD Ship

Attempts to destroy ship gets killed by its cannons.

The Homestuck , MLP , and Touhou fandoms form an alliance,

They wage war on the Whoovian, Trekkie and Pokemon federation. You are killed in the crossfire

A small plush toy of Pikachu

You take it to the dog park and beat the other dogs to death with it, because you thought they were pokemans. Their grieving owners all mob you and strap all their shock collars on you, electrocuting you to death.

A life-sized cardboard replica of pre-2011 Justin Bieber.

Death by blood loss from paper cuts on your thighs from riding against him.

Existance.

Couldn't afford to exist

Key chain

After being caught sleeping with your best friend's wife, you dive out the window, do a stunning front-flip, and land gracefully right next to your parked car. Unfortunately, there are so many keys on your key chain that before you can find the key to your car, your friend catches up to you and beats you over the head with a golf club. You die of internal haemorrhaging.

An iPhone.

Siri gains self-awareness and hacks into the major government's systems detonating all of their nukes. You are killed by on of them.

4han and Tumblr form and alliance.

You make fun of the 4chumblr ship so everyone on 4chan and tumblr team up to pulverize you.

A thumb

You press it onto the "Destroy the entire world" button.
John Madden

He sends me to the moon with no space suit

The shipping thread

You compulsively ship, and die due to starvation.

A canteen filled with your own piss.

Drink too much piss

A dead body

I pour SCP- 447 all over it.

A cyborg bear

The cyborg bear actually seems like an nice guy. He invites you to his cave, where he's set up an old record player, some comfy armchairs, and a liquor cabinet. You chill out with him for a few hours, just swapping stories to the sound of smooth jazz and the taste of expensive scotch. You find that he received cybernetic brain implants that boosted his IQ to 190, which explains how you can have such a rational conversation with a bear. It doesn't really explain his monocle though, or the fez.

After a while, your discussion becomes fairly philosophical. While talking about God, the universe and everything else, you ask "Hey Bear, do you think there's a purpose for us?". The bear gives you a metallic grin, leans over, and whispers into your ear the true meaning of life.

Anyway, turns out the truth was too much to handle and you kill yourself three days later.

A box of kittens.

You get a box of kittens with the letter: Keep them good or….
However the rest of the letter was eaten up by one of the kittens.
As the month go after month you kept them well as the letter requested. However one day you forgot to feed them and you go off with your friends. At the end of the day as you arrive home you notice everything is messed up. The lamp and your expensive vases are broken the paintings is filled with cat scratches and the books on the floor, so in short: the whole place is a mess. As you go further and further you start hearing meows. You procced to the source of the meows but it's hard to navigate in this chaos and also it's so dark because all of your lamps are broken, even the ceiling lamps. But you of course hardly but finally reach the room where you think the meows come from. You found a lamp on the nearest nightstand and you go in the dark and mysterious room. You light every dark corner and every scary shadow just to reveal everyday items or complete nothing. But you suddenly hear a meow above you. You scared by this but you muster up enough braveness to slowly and shakingly raise your lamp's light beam to the ceiling and you suddenly see…….

A ceiling cat!

Okay this not sounds so scary but unfortunately you had a weak heart and it was totally surprising you not get heartattack earlier.

Toothbrush.

It's an electric toothbrush with new over-super-duper-hyper-shooper-charged batteries. The mere friction causes your teeth to melt off.
A PlayStation 4.

The PlayStation 4 that you brought had a bomb in it which immediately blew up the moment you plugged in the console.

Nano machines.

You fell off a staircase builded by nano-machines just to prove that satistic the 82% of the staircase accidents happening on staircases.

void.

Fall into a world of blankness infinitely until you starve.

The Cheeto.

You try to eat the cheeto only to choke to death by it.

Memes

You overdose on them, causing you to become the most faggoty person in the world.
A small mouse

It wasn't just any mouse…

Item: Cactus

You know those western comedies are not showing you the truth about sitting down on a cactus.

Water balloon.

The water balloon contained genetically enhanced super viruses along with ordinary water .

Clothes

It had started out as just a special gift. A homemade stuffed elephant, made of regal purple cloth and a bulging belly – just for your daughter to hold and cuddle with at night. You traveled quite often, and it would be something for her to remember you by while you were gone. You'd spent weeks working on it, taking the time to study cartoonish anatomy, learning how to work the machine, and designing the plush down to the tiniest details. You'd put everything into that plush plump pachyderm, and it was almost complete.

Adding in the last few stitches, you realize that a loose thread from your shirt must have gotten caught in the machine. The long red string went straight from the machine to your sleeve, and pulled the cuff tightly around your wrist. While attempting to pull it away, you mistakenly press your foot down on the power pedal and the machine zips into a frenzy, stitching into the faux fur more and more red thread. The cuff seems to tighten even further, then changes to a more fleshy-tone before changing to a deep crimson once more. The machine whirrs away, pulling more of your body into it as you begin to panic, pressing down even harder on the foot pedal.

After a time, the machine stops. You're nowhere to be seen. But the elephant.. the elephant looks fantastic. Even better than you had planned it. Your daughter is ecstatic to see it too, and snuggles with it that night in her sleep. In her mind, you must have been called away and not had time to give it to her. It's okay, though, she has her new elephant to keep her company.

And you will be spending more time with your daughter than you had planned.

I never have been, nor will I ever be, a writer.

Bra

Suffocation by bra after a wild panty raid.

Lego piece

Stepping on a Lego piece sometimes dangerous especially if it coated with poison.

paper.

you did origami and you cut yourself a hundred times
plant

Covered with papercuts and then thrown into a pool of lemmonaide: Death by cardiac arrest induced by adrenaline. Literally dying of pain.

A red solo cup.

You are thrown into a chamber, where water is slowly dumped into it, one Red Solo Cup at a time. Eventually, there's so much that it drowns you.

Pokemon.

'Coz you got a plastic replica of a Pokéball, that doesn't mean it's working, especially on strong entities like the strongest guy at your school/workplace.

Banana.

Use the banana as a phone to call the Mafia while they're in the middle of an important operation.
Space jam.

The golf hole doesn't open on the other side. You're stuck in the Warner Bros. logo forever.

1998 New York Yankees.

Jimmy Lethal was excited. He had the chance to meet the 1998 New York Yankees! Boarding a bus with them, he could barely contain himself. Unfortunately for him, the 2014 Yankees were on another bus that crashed head-first into his.

Everyone involved died a horrible, flame-y death.

Barack Obama mask.

Gets killed by guy hoo thinks it's really Obama

A truckload of Corgis