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Explain a video game plot badly

Last posted Aug 29, 2015 at 05:17AM EDT. Added Aug 02, 2015 at 11:58PM EDT
61 posts from 46 users

Inspired by this image, but I don't know anything beyond vidya. I can contribute this way.

Darkest Dungeon: Your ancestor shoots himself then summons you to clean up his mess and ruin random strangers' lives.

Dear Esther: Trudging around empty landscapes while listening to a audiobook missing most of its pages.

Hyperdimension Neptunia: Waifus are gaming, save gaming.

Papers, Please: Soviet Bloc Simulator 1981

PAYDAY 2: Four dudes rob places in cities with a population made up entirely of cops and SWAT.

Star Fox: Space furries fight giant monkey head and his evil minions.

Metroid Fusion: Samus gets sick, runs from her suit, causes more large explosions.

Mole Mania: Farmer kidnaps a bunch of moles and hires the forces of nature to kill the last one.

Terranigma: A kid from underground brings Earth back to life one millennium at a time.

Chrono Trigger: Kid meets a girl at the fair, decides to save the world with her and his best friend because he watched an old movie.

Last edited Aug 02, 2015 at 11:59PM EDT

Windwaker: Kid's younger sister gets kidnapped by huge bird. Kid joins up with pirates and sails around a bunch to save her.

Majora's Mask: Kid's toy instrument gets stolen; Goes to get it back by collecting lots of masks and saves the world in the process.

Half-Life: Mute scientist botches experiment; goes on shooting rampage.

Half-Life 2: Mute scientist arrives in city he knows nothing about; incites rebellion to overthrow government he knows nothing about.

Portal: Mute lady forms romantic attachment to inanimate cube.

Dishonored: Bodyguard gets fired for being terrible at his job; goes on murderous revenge spree.

Valkyria Chronicles: A bunch of Chinese cartoon characters do a shitty reenactment of WWII. Lot's of people die.

Psychonauts: Kid attends summer camp for ugly kids.
Pokemon: 10 year olds use animals to fight other animals for money
Kirby: Pink alien devoures anything that stands in its way.
Super Mario Sunshine: Mario fulfills his community service sentence.
Metroid: Shoot aliens until they die.
Super Smash Bros: Kill your friend's favorite Nintendo character, repeatedly.
Sonic (before 2006): Run fast.
Sonic (during or after 2006): Try to run fast, but end up glitching out.
Minecraft: Build stuff, usually shaped like a phallus of some sort.
Portal: Mute female shoots holes in fabric of reality.
Monster Rancher: Do weird stuff to get random monsters.
Mario Party: Slowly learn to hate your friends.
Super Mario Galaxy: Explore space without a helmet.
Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Animals fight each other to save the world, while causing irreversible emotional trauma in the player.
Earthbound: Fight things that shouldn't exist.
Paper Mario: Play with paper cutouts.
Pikmin: Aliens militarize an indigenous for personal gain, at the expense of the lives of many native inhabitants.
Civilization: Debate about finally taking a break, then take one more turn. Repeat infinitely.
The Binding of Isaac: Child kills fundamental Christian mother with his tears, in self defense.
Phoenix Wright: Choose the correct dialogue option to BS your way through court.
Spore: Kill everything you don't like.
The Sims: Kill everyone you don't like.
Rollercoaster Tycoon: Kill everyone you don't like, hilariously.
Sim City: Recreate apocolyptic scenarios.
Five nights at Freddy's: Watch monitors and press buttons.
Garry's Mod: Use an incredibly sophisticated physics engine to do childish things.
Team Fortress 2: Shoot people with funny accents.
Animal Crossing: Repay your loan so you can take out a bigger loan.
Katamari Damacy: Destroy everything, hilariously.
Street fighter: Mash buttons until you beat up your opponent.
Yoshi's Island: Eat all the native residents on the island.
Slenderman- the Eight Pages: Steal artwork.
The Incredible Machine: Move random objects pixel by pixel until you obtain the solution.
Professor Layton: Solve puzzles to discover that everything's fake.
Guitar Hero: Learn how to pretend to play guitar.
Super Meat Boy: Die a billion times.
Harvest Moon: Give vegetables to strangers until they fall in love with you.
World of Warcraft: Grind until "the real world" holds no more meaning to you any longer.
Cooking Mama: Gordon Ramsey lite.
Flappy Bird: Tap the screen until you die.
2048: Add.
Tetris: Play with blocks while listening to Russian folk music.
Luigi's Mansion: Be a ghostbuster.

Postal 2: A normal man does chores for his bitch wife

Team Fortress 2: People wear fancy hats and shoot at eachother

Hotline Miami: A man takes too many drugs and does bad things

Counter Strike Global Offensive: Normal day in Russia

Bioshock Infinite: A racist city that flies

Condemned: Beating the shit out of homeless people

God of War 3: You throw a tantrum, you break stuff, literally everyone dies, and it's all your fault.

Last edited Aug 03, 2015 at 07:06AM EDT

Terraria: Mine everything to poke an eye out, then build

Asura's Wrath: See Bane's post

Persona: forge friendships, use tarot cards and masks to fight Darkness

Kingdom Hearts: Same as Persona, but replace the cards and masks with Giant keys

Freedom Planet: Sonic OC stops Ayy LAMOs from invading

Batman: Arkham X: Edgiest batman spinoff since The Dark Knight

Shin Megami Tensei: Fundies or Anarchists? Pick your poison

Hyperdimension Neptunia: Take consoles and personify them as young girls, they fight Piracy in a way more entertaining method then DRM ever would.

Last edited Aug 05, 2015 at 03:11AM EDT

WipEout
You race floating ships.

PAYDAY series
You rob banks.

Call of Duty series
You kill people. You die. Do it all over again.

Cookie Clicker
You click a cookie.

Gran Turismo
You race cars*

Dark Souls
You die.

Xenoblade: nerd finds cool sword, robots rekt his town, nerd goes to rekt them back

Metroid Prime: Samus finds dragon and hunts the bitch down, planet is poisoned, now she has to kill the little dragon bitch and explode the poison

Metroid Prime 2: more poison, dark and light world, time for dark world to explode

Metroid Prime 3: Samus is fukken done with this poison bullshit and decides to explode all of it at once

Zelda Skyward Sword: kid finds badass sword, potential gf was stole, tries to get his hoe back while making sword cooler

MGS1: sibling rivalry

MGS2: naked andro fuccboi

MGS3: One man tries to destroy a tank with his bare hands

MGS4: Nanomachines son

MGS Peace Walker: Man tries to destroy multiple tanks with his bare hands

MGR: Nanomachines son

Metro 2033: Nuke mutants who just wanted to be your friend
Metro Last light: Nazi and commies want your stuff, while you look for a baby mutant
Bioshock: Guy goes to meet family, kills dad underwater
Bioshock 2: Man comes back to life, looks for "daughter" she later kills him

Dark Souls: If only I could be so grossly incandescent
Dark Souls 2: bear seek seek lest
Bloodborne: even the doll, should it please you
Witcher 3: Slav jokes and attractive ladies
STALKER: More Slav jokes, headshots, and Yuri Lowenthal
Metro: Slav Jokes 3: The Re-Slavening, also sadness
Divinity: Original Sin: you will hate the cheese merchant
XCOM: pray to RNGesus
Assassin's Creed Series: Did I ever tell you the definition of insanity?
Far Cry 4: Metrosexual Troy Baker
Bioshock Infinite: Plot Twists Troy Baker
The Last of Us: Scruffy Troy Baker
Arkham Origins: Crazy Troy Baker
Saints Row 4: Wacky Troy Baker
Fallout 4: Imitation Troy Baker

Last edited Aug 05, 2015 at 02:10PM EDT

Fallout: Become involved in taking down a bunch of mutants when you only went out to get some goddamn water.

Fallout 2: As the child of the heroic grocery buyer, take out a bunch of Neo-Muricans.

Fallout 3: Take out the Neo-Muricans again, but this time do it while constantly breaking time and space. (Read: Glitching.)

Fallout New Vegas: Get shot in the head and deal with Roman cosplayers and West Neo-Murica fighting over a giant wall.

Planescape Tormet:Long philosophical novel, The Video Game!!

Deus Ex:Do what you're told until you decide to break what used to be your moral principles for the sake of knowledge because you think you now live in a world where the truth is out there.

Metal Gear Soild 2:
>Expect Hollywood action plot, a badass protagonist, intense close range encounters, and stealth.
>Receive 20 minute cutscenes about postmoderism, a protagonist that thinks combat's a motherfucking game, long motivational speech about how the meaning of life is memes, and stealth.

Stanley Parable:Office worker literally does nothing expect walk from room to room until he starts questioning whether or not his life has purpose.

Faster Then Light/FTL:Recruit aliens on a suicide mission.

Last edited Aug 05, 2015 at 04:30PM EDT

Donkey Kong Country 2: The king of Dongs is captured and his buddy works with his hoe to save him.

Jack and Daxter: Friend becomes critter. Put up wth his mouth the whole quest.

Conker's Bad Fur Day: Drunk guy gets lost and gets knee deep in shit. Literally.

Banjo-Kazooie: Witches, jigsaws and bears. Oh my!

Bad Dudes: The president has been kidnapped by ninjas. Are you a bad enough- oh wait…

Super Meat Boy: Abortion.
The Binding of Isaac: Suffocation.
Spelunky: Kill no less than three different cultures' gods. Get rewarded with gold.
BlazBlue: Calamity Trigger: Terrorist vampire fights his yandere-cyborg-sister-clone. Loses thousands of times.
Chrono Trigger: Smart chick, cave chick, or princess. Your choice.
Katamari Damacy: Now I am become death, the destroyer of worlds.
Jet Set Radio: Stylish teenagers bring color to a Tokyo-inspired city while listening to catchy music.
Splatoon: Stylish teenagers bring color to a Tokyo-inspired city while listening to catchy music.

Kid Icarus Uprising: kid killed multiple near omnipotent beings and could probably conquer the earth if he wanted to but doesn't out of goodwill and blind loyalty

Shovel Knight: [dig]

Zelda Twilight Princess: village boy basically forced into saving the world and meeting and killing people he doesn't know because of his bloodline and just going along with it because it's pretty badass and he has this bitch that's coming on to him too

Super Metroid: THE BABY

Metroid Prime Hunters: A bunch of highly skilled assassins want you dead but all die instead because at this point Samus is just a goddess in her own right.

Fire Emblem Awakening: Dude defeats like 3 countries with his band of mainly teenagers (one of the countries being defeated twice). Hell, just copy paste this on every FE game but woth varying numbers of nations defeated

Ocarina of Time Time traveling teenager saves the world. He's then sent back in time to before he saved the world. So the world is still in danger.

Skyward Sword Effeminate weirdo pursues a teenage girl.

Five Nights at Freddy's Nightguard sits in a chair for 6 hours. Doesn't catch any intruders.

Splatoon Cute lolis shoot liquid at each other.

Twilight Princess Princess of shadows takes her obedient boyslave into the dungeon, and rides him like an animal.

Call of Duty MP: Children join war simulator
TF2: I have done nothing but trade hat for 3 years
CSGO: Crate-Lotto's place to sucks every single player's money
Gmod DarkRP: Kill Everybody when admin isn't on and record it to YouTube and tune voice talk user into kids to make viewers misunderstood
World of Tanks: Every nation fight every nation
World of Warplanes: above
World of Warships: above
GTA Online: The Purge simulator
Left 4 Dead: Broken things in a zombie horde

-A balding, double entendre-speaking, leisure suit-wearing man in his 40s as he attempts to seduce attractive women.

-Female, British version of Indiana Jones.

-A space marine who fights his way through hordes of invading demons from Hell.

Last edited Aug 06, 2015 at 11:06PM EDT

Derpy Vaz wrote:

-A balding, double entendre-speaking, leisure suit-wearing man in his 40s as he attempts to seduce attractive women.

-Female, British version of Indiana Jones.

-A space marine who fights his way through hordes of invading demons from Hell.

You know you're supposed to name the games right? The only one I recognize is DOOM

Deus Ex: Illuminati confirmed.

Red Faction: Miners get sick of employer's shit, become space communists.

Red Faction: Guerrilla: Space Communists 2: Blow Shit Up.

Dead Rising: A bad day at the mall.

Hitman: Blood Money: Bald man dresses as clown and kills people. [though this applies only to one mission]

Nights Into Dreams: Androgynous court jester fights goth court jester.

ObsCure: Video game adaptation of every horror movie starring high schoolers.
ObsCure II: Same thing but with college students.

Total Overdose: A Gunslinger's Tale in Mexico: Mexican stereotypes: the game.

Tomb Raider: Boobs McGee looks for old shit.

After Shock wrote:

You know you're supposed to name the games right? The only one I recognize is DOOM

I'll give them in a few minutes. Wanted to see if people can guess.

Hint: half the name is in description of first, second boobs Mcgee? and yes last one is DOOM

And answers below DING DING DING Farm Zombie wins

Last edited Aug 06, 2015 at 11:38PM EDT

Yume Nikki – Girl has psychedelic dreams because why not.

Bayonetta – Ridiculously proportioned witch fights against Heaven because they don't like her. Also she has amnesia.

Cave Story – Robot goes spelunking. Meets waifu along the way.

OFF – Ken Griffey Jr. fights monsters while guided by the Cheshire cat.

Sonic the Hedgehog – Jewelry obsessed hedgehog destroys bald man's inventions.

Don't Starve – Meatball cooking simulator.

Metal Slug – Slaughter thousands of soldiers as either a macho man or a cute girl with a one-man tank that can jump.

Team Fortress 2 – 9 men kill each other repeatedly over hats.

Persona 4 – People lie to themselves and get too absorbed into television because god is judging you.


"This next one's a birthday.
Perhaps a protege."

The grouch said, eyeing a game.
It's rules are familiar, though not quite the same.

Last edited Dec 13, 2016 at 08:51PM EST

Beyond Earth: Show how much the humanity has been improved after the Apocalypse… by bringing genocide to poor aliens.
Need for Madness: Screw the race, just crash and burn with your opponents.
Red Alert 3: Take over the world by commanding an army of transformers, amphibian battleships, and horny bitches.

Last edited Aug 07, 2015 at 04:39AM EDT

Vampire the Masquerade: Bloodlines: Twilight fan pays dearly as a consequence for having sexes with sparkle dream boys, and you now sparkle yourself but not as much as all the other sexy vamp boys, so you must perform tasks for Edward who in his midlife crisis decides he needs to suck the juices out of count dracula to sparkle the brightest, you also have the choice of joining #teamjacob in secrecy for a chance to fuck him instead, i mean it's all good or if you're a fucking loner loser you can fuck neither and keep all the sparkles to yourself.

Last edited Aug 07, 2015 at 04:48PM EDT

FNAF: Sit in a room while closet-furries scream at you.

Splatoon: "Abstract Art": the game

Destroy All Humans: ayy lmao

BioShock: Use your magic hand to kill people, and maybe zombie children.

Hunie-Pop: Play Bejeweled to shoot powder at female masochists to seduce them.

Super Mario Galaxy: Italian man defies physics to stop a bootleged Godzilla. and Rosalina… ooh

Legend Of Zelda: Little Elf Boy (or sometimes Teen Elf Boy) fights ugly monsters and whatnot to be a much more chaotic, mute Princess Bride

Plants vs. Zombies 2: dead guy travels through time and bearded guy does too to get rid of dead guy.
Sonic Lost World: Hyperspeed furry goes to defeat 6 evil aliens.
Stanley Parable: Some person follows a ghost's rules.

Modern Combat MP: Snipe, Snipe and dead.
GTA SA: Kill everybody for mum killed
GTA VC: Drowning Simulator 2002
GTA 2: City Cleanup
GTA IV: Becoming multitasker
EFLC: lodsadiamonds
SRIV: ayy lmao
FNAF: Sickhead guard get surrounded by pendejos robots
FNAF 2: above
FNAF 3: above
FNAF 4: Gotta get a grip

Deadly Premonition- Japanese bootleg of Twin Peaks (and so cheesy it's awesome).

Bloodrayne- Vampire boobs battles the nazis.

Fallout 3- Oh father, where for art though? [translation: "hey dad, where'd you go?"]

Marlow Briggs- Black Kratos in South America.

Blazblue: LOL, EVERYTHING'S WORSE
Pokemon: I IZ EH MASTUH
Kingdom Hearts: DARKNESSDARKNESSDARKNESSDARKNESS Light! (Badguy explodes)
Sonic Unleashed: Sonic joins the Dark Is Not Evil and Godslayers Club (Or renews his membership)
Fire Emblem Awakening: Get in the fucking Dragon, Robin
Metal Gear Rising: IMMA CUT U UP
Spongebob Battle For Bikini Bottom: DEATH TO THE ROBOTS
Final Fantasy IX: LOCAL PEACOCK MAN RUINS EVERYTHING
Xenogears: Uhhhh…. well… erm…
Xenoblade: DEATH TO THE ROBOTS-- wait what?! Uhh…. erm…
NBA Street Vol. 2: C'MON AND SLAM
Super Smash Bros 4: AND WELCOME TO THE JAM
Earthbound: Lalalalala, happy happy happy-- NESS NESS NESS NESS NESS
Senran Kagura: YOU WERE EXPECTING YURI, BUT IT WAS ME, COCKTEASE

Dota 2: learn, spanish, russian, peruvian, and a wide assortment of other languages besides english at the cost of your self esteem and faith in other people.

Dead rising 2: Join a game show to support your daughter, fights zombies and crazy people while making jokes of their deaths.
Last of Us: Fungus turn people into zombie things, walk through the country to deliver a girl who is immune.
Heavy Rain: JASON JASON JASON!!! now he's dead… SHAUN SHAUN SHAUN!!!

Bioshock:

You go on a trip to Seaworld. Except Seaworld sucks; there are drug addicts everywhere, the "lost children" department has gone to shit, and Ayn Rand runs everything, refuses to admit anything has gone wrong and won't refund your ticket.

Last edited Aug 12, 2015 at 01:13AM EDT

GTA III: A mute guy fucks things up.

GTA Vice City: An Italian dude fucks things up.

GTA San Andreas: A black gang member fucks things up.

GTA IV: A Russian dude fucks things up.

GTA V: A black gang member, a dad, and a psycho fuck things up.

Guitar Hero: You pretend to be a rock star.

Rock Band: Your friends pretend to be a rock star.

Rocksmith: You can now learn how to play Wonderwall.

Gone Home: Girl explores haunted house and finds out that her sister is gay.

Everybody's Gone To The Rapture: A bunch of people walk around during the apocalypse doing nothing.

BioShock Infinite: Disgruntled detective goes to Skypia from One Piece and hangs out with a nine fingered girl while fighting Tea Party robots.

The Last Of Us: Old dude hangs out with a teenage girl and goes on an American road trip while fighting zombies and assholes.

Dead Rising 3: A whining Latino mechanic wishes that he wasn't fighting zombies in the streets of LA.

Devil May Cry: An emo dude parties at a demonic castle.

Pokemon : Animal Abuse Simulator 1996.

The Stanley Parable : Fourth Wall Breaking Simulator 2014.

Super Mario Bros. : Low budget porn movie scenario.

Skyrim : Dragons against death penalty.

Fallout 3 : Gee, dad! Next time, go find your goddamn water filter alone!

Mass Effect : Space Jesus is fucking pissed.

Bioshock Infinite : "Screw this, i'm growing a beard and I'll go back in time to abduct my own child."

Wargame : Red Dragon : When History class goes wrong.

World of Tanks (EU Server) : Poland should be exterminated.

World of Tanks (RU Server) : World of RNG.

Dead Space : Alien / Resident Evil crossover.

World of Warcraft : What the hell is happening on my screen?

League of Legends : No, seriously, what the fuck is happening on my screen right now?

DotA 2 : If someone doesn't explain what the fuck is happening on my screen I think I'm gonna have a seizure…

Touhou Project : … (too late, read the three notes above) …

Call of Duty : Plot written for 10 year old kids, by 10 year old kids.

Battlefield : War is so much fun!

Mortal Kombat : The human body contains enough blood to fill the Pacific Ocean.

Grand Theft Auto : Going on a murderous rampage is ok as long as it's social satire.

Portal 2 : Playing with holes and spilling white liquid everywhere.

Borderlands : Gun porn.

Il-2 Sturmovik : Airplane porn.

War Thunder : Airplane porn HD.

DCS World : Airplane porn HD Modern Warfare (and the reason why you mortgaged your house).

The Sims : The reason why you mortgaged your house, but without airplane porn.

FIFA : The best game of the entire franchise… until next year.

PayDay : Left 4 Dead without zombies.

Chivalry : Medieval Warfare : FPS with swords.

Team Fortress 2 : FPS with swords and hats.

Dofus : See World of Warcraft, plus anime fanservice. And french puns.

Assassin's Creed Unity : How to piss off fench left-wing politicians.

Skeletor-sm

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