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I woke up, but instead of my bedroom I found myself here:
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All I have are my casual clothes and an M1911 pistol with 7 bullets in it. Somebody is screaming for help!

What do I do?

I step outside
And I take a deep breath and I get real high
And I scream from the top of my lungs
What's going on?

After realizing that the cliff I am on is too steep to descend safely I decide to help whoever was screaming for help, besides that's the only place I go to right now.

Readies the gun, just in case SHTF

You see a a coil of rope and lob it up down the cliff, tieing it to your waist you start to vault down it, once you reach the bottom you see it wasn't a human screaming……..

Unsure of what was there I chose to hide while trying to find some sort of an exit.

you scrap around, kicking up dirt and debris, scrampling for the exit, but what you find is alot more helping then an exit alot more

In front of me lay some sort of a mysterious orb. I touched it. Suddenly I began to truly feel like I have the strength of 1000 people, speed 9001 times of Usain Bolt, endurance to survive a direct hit of a bomb that hit Hiroshima, stamina to run 1000 marathons without becoming exhausted, an ability to fire both ki-blasts and actual fire, flight, and teleportation.

Without hesitation I quickly teleport to the nearest exit and fly away with this view:

After flying for a few minutes you slowly feel your strength fading, you then drop to the ground and all go's black…..

You wake up, powerless and surrounded by mysterious people in uniforms gazing down at you with their piercing eyes. "Damn Indonesians" the figure above your head says with a hint of bigoted malice "always doing weird shit like this".
"But i is of Poland" you say "All your memes belong 2 me".
"Knew he was a wacko" the figure to your left says "kids these days and their memes".
He and the other uniform men then pick you up, Restraining your movement so any struggle would be useless. They then carry you through the forest heading for an unknown destination…

Thinking quickly I decide to use the most wittiest speech ever:

"I'm sorry but I'm only partially Polished in blood and nature. I am actually quite… Russian…togetouttaherebye" and teleport myself out of trouble despite all exhaustion…

Better use my stealth to avoid any detection while I get my strength back…

After walking for a few minutes you lay down to rest, unable to find any ground cover. This world seems almost surreal, with the great sentinels hanging over you in the form of trees and the haunting atmosphere expressed in the rustling of leaves and the call of birds. Your powers only serve to reinforce that belief, through you feel much weaker then you did before as if the initial power given by the orb was only temporary. Suddenly you hear the footsteps of a nearby creature.

Your reaction to the creature entering your view is almost unconscious, a blast of Ki renders it lifeless. As its body collapses to the ground you see its form is alien but resembling that of a deer, a parody that renders you uneasy. You are hungry but don't want to consume its flesh scared that it may be some sought of poison. Besides you are more thirsty then hungry, and set of to find a river. Hopefully the fish are appealing to….

You stare, blankly, as if a child staring at a canvas, imaging, feeling, thinking,

What is in front of me, a fish, not just any fish, my fish

You stab your hand like a knife! Plunging it into the water! Diving and a clutch the fish! You grasp it a rip it from it home. You hold the fish, dangling it in front of you, this is your fish

And that was a dream

I wake up in a bed, an empty mansion. There is a strangely-placed flashlight next to me. I pick up the flashlight and I then explore the empty mansion.

Suddenly you notice an intruder.

I run for my life as the blaring music gets louder, heading for the window and then jumping out of it. I'm running from John Cena.

He grabs and chair and hurls it at you, striking your leg, you buckle and crash into the wall corner, you feel like this is the end, he looks at you then all of a sudden you smell onion…

thats when

"RUN DONKEH!" He yells.
"I'LL BE FINE!"
He gives you some onions to quench your hunger and you quickly run of into another room, scrambling to find something to help your leg.

Fortunately I found some senzu beans and ate them without hesitation. My health is now restored. Now I'm thinking: "what is my next move?"

You stand up and go to the post office, looking at the bulletin

You scan you board looking for odd jobs or sic. You decide out of curiosity to check if you have any mail, as you hand over your ID to the clerk she hands you a old worn letter, she exclaims "Wow this is pretty old"

Turns out it was from Sarah, that girl you loved 23 years ago, you open it and read
…….

…….

You drop the letter, you cry and realize what you have done, the clerk confused asks if you are ok.

The girl you loved needed you and didn't come, at the bottom you see a address, you decide to go to it and pray she is still there

Just then red glowing tattoos scatter across your body. You feel immense power surge throughout your form. An eldritch mix of pain and euphoria shoot throughout your nerve endings. You know not of why this gift was given to you. But an objective arrives in your mind. A subtle, vindictive and alluring quest the likes of which was born of Heroes long since returned to ashes.

You must find the Grail, and utilize its power as you see fit.

You still Continue to your love's abode, hoping to save her and share with her your crusade.

Your stomach drops as you read the address.
"14 Branchland Court"
The muttering of those words is enough to destroy an entire country.
Shall you go? Is it worth it? FIND OUT ON THE NEXT EPISODE OF KNOW YOUR MEME Z!

You decide to leave in the morning, knowing that the trip is halfway across the country, but with no phone address nor other way of communication you have to knock on the door

You wake up and pack your bags, passport, food, money, change of clothes and 2-inch steel knife in case something bad happens, you tattoo now dim to the point of varnishing, but not quite, you grip yourself and head to the bus station and pay for your ticket, and taking a deep breath you step aboard…

You take your seat and slowly fall asleep. You wake up to find one of your bags missing.
Then, out of the corner of your eye you spot him..

Through sheer luck I managed to avoid to get caught by John Cena. So here I was: 14 Branchland Court. All I had to do was ring the doorbell. The door opened:
it was Sarah: a beautiful woman in her 20s. I asked: "how are you?"
She replied: "since you are here, fine… I guess. Would you like a cup of tea?"
I said: "sure", and entered her little house.

You enter, sit down and drink the tea, you and her talk, she seems like a lovely sweet young woman

young woman
….

YOUNG WOMAN

that letter was 23 years old yet she in her 20s…
You spit out the tea, doing this she glares at you with an inhuman stare, shes not human

She asked me: "would you like to know the truth?"
"OK" I replied since I was a bit curious about this situation…

Her eyes glossed over with a gold plaster as blue tattoos glimmered around her shapely form. She shotguns the tea and stares deeply into your eyes as your tattoos flare red once more.

"The chalice of divinity is unfit for hands as muddied as thee my love. Your quest ends here."

Her form began to blur and contort as the sounds of her bones breaking and reforming reverberated around the room .

She then stands to reveal herself as….

Narrator: who is Sarah? Can our hero escape his near-certain doom? Find out next time on Know Your Meme Z

The Chalice

What did this mean?
…….
She reverts back to her normal form, a sweet innocent woman, she says in a gentle voice
"To complete your quest you must take my chalice from me, for I am the Holy grail and the Chalice of youth, yet I am corrupt, you can try and free me but know, if you fail my evils will TEAR you apart

You accept, you must free her from the evil she has become

I decided: f*ck it and drank some water from the Chalice of youth. Telepathically she told me: "Go on and complete your quest." Now I feel like this:

So you throw her into the fireplace.

Little did you know, the evils are now free and they latch on to you and you are transporting to the oh so welcoming gates of Blighttown

Time to get outta here the way I do in Doom:

[Blighttown surrenders because they won't dare to fight someone who is BOTH Doomguy and Duke Nukem]

As you walk through the swampy part of Blrighttown your ogerlords pop out and yell

"SHREK, NO DON'T HIT ME THERE!"

As you run through the muddy area being chased by ogres, you step on something very strange. It seems to be buried under the mud. It is a jewel case with a narrow picture of what seems to be a forest.

Congratulations, you now have the powers of Camp! Press F to drop "it" like the NASDAQ.

You take refuge in a nearby cave.
"COME OUT WHEREVER YOU ARE DONKEH!"
Presses F
Your camp is consists of a red tent, some Cheez-its, a lighter and some wood.
And a dakimakura. You can't forget about the dakimakura.

You found a Red-White sphere and its coming to you

With the powers of Childish Gambino (from the previously-mentioned jewel case), you manage to outrun the Red-White sphere. But you start to lose your powers, you look back at the jewel case wondering what was wrong with it. You remove the plastic cover of the jewel case revealing..

Little did you know that Yeezus just rose again.

Revealing a wormhole and you've been warped to this place

ignore the hud

You get in and found 2 men and 2 women with guns, trying to knock you.

You throw your dakimakura at them.
"WATCH OUT! HE HAS A DAKIMAKURA!"
They flee as fast as they can and call reinforcements.

All of a sudden a cloaker leaps out of a tree and throws and bulldozer at you, you use you agility to leap out of the way and sprint into a jewelry shop, were you meet 4 robbers wearing masks, they aim their guns at you and shout "WHO THE FUCK IS HE?!!"

You reply "I'm…I'm here to help" one wearing a America mask throws you a mask and tells you put it on, you grab a gun and prepare to rob the store

Unfortunately.

….screamed the giant falcon, much to the bewilderment of you, the robbers, the officers and the bystanders around the room. You all stare at the beast with confusion for a while, with it similarly staring at you with an impatient grimace. After realizing you and the others weren't going to break out into an orgy, the mighty bird screamed with a holy fury as its eyes melted and its form set ablaze. You shielded your eyes as light engulfed the room, soon departing as the monster shot through the ceiling into the atmosphere.

Arael, light of God and the 15th angel had awakened.

The petty squabble of the robbery was put aside, as you all wonder how to deal with the appearance of this devine and powerful entity.

You proceed to bend over and let it do you in the butt.

but right before you take it in the butt you rememeber that you promised a dying yandere friend to never lose your butt virginity to anyone BUT senpai.

But Senapai fall in love with Liza after he saw her video where liza is lipsyncing while driving. Her actions made him fall in love with her