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The Phantom Menace: A trade deal goes wrong
Attack of the Clones: Anakin is told not to do the thing and does the thing
Revenge of the Sith: Anakin is denied his promotion and goes on a killing spree
Rogue One: An expose of dated file sharing technology
A New Hope: Luke applies his farming skills to destroying superweapons
The Empire Strikes Back: Our heroes spend two hours trying to get to that rendezvous point
Return of the Jedi: Luke finally bonds with his estranged father
The Force Awakens: Two random people who run into each other in the desert save the Resistance
The Last Jedi: Rey spends the movie learning that the force is more than moving rocks and ends up having to move rocks

The Phantom Menace: People talk about politics and then a fight happens.
Attack of the Clones: A plank of wood and a piece of sandpaper fall in love. Meanwhile, Count Dracula amasses an army to do stuff, and it's up to High Ground Man to find an army of copy and pasted snowmen to stop him.
Revenge of the Sith: A piece of sandpaper is tricked into being evil and eventually becomes Dark Helmet.
Rogue One: They get the plans.
A New Hope: A whiny twenty-something goes on a magical adventure with High Ground Man, Shot First, Chew, the Tin Man, a bucket, and Buns to stop an evil disco ball controlled by Dr. Frankenstein.
The Empire Strikes Back: The whiny twenty-something seeks guidance from a hand puppet. Meanwhile, Shot First and Buns attempt to escape the forces of Dark Helmet and his booty hunters.
The Return of the Jedi: The gang goes to a planet of Care Bears, and whiny twenty-something does battle with his dad. Also, the disco ball is back.
The Force Awakens: A twenty-something goes on a magical adventure with TRAITOR, Shot First, Chew, and Ball-E to stop an evil disco ball (now an entire planet) controlled by Dark Manchild.
The Last Jedi: Twenty-something seeks guidance from older, cynical sixty-something. Meanwhile, TRAITOR and the gang do battle with Dark Manchild's evil forces.

We really don't need to explain the plots badly. The movies did it for us (^:

Two monks bet on a slave to win a plane ride to their headquarters, then assist in helping their arch-nemesis win an election.

Monk discovers an organic 3-D printing factory while his squire abandons his vow of celibacy because Natalie Portman is fucking hot

Squire finds out he fucked up big time then joins a rival monk temple. His mentor figures out how to turn blue.

Chum Bucket tries to obtain the Krabby Patty Formula.

Monk tells ex-squire to 'pull his finger' while page looks on in horror

Page learns telepathy from a goblin, which helps him vandalize government property.

Monk helps his dad get out of a shitty job while the government is bombarded with angry wildlife

Monk tells his friends to 'fuck off', new page tries to find him, but only after she helps vandalize government property with two people they just met hours ago.

Karate Kid without the Karate Kid.

1 hour of c-span and then a fight where satan kills jesus
30 minutes of c-span and 30 minutes of a detective movie and then a bunch of space wizards get their butts kicked before a a bunch of new zealanders come in to save the day also theres a b-plot with an incel trying to grab portmans ass
incel gets a sister and fights and aslo clones and stuff
badass fight scene, count doodoo dies, cspan again, russian cyborg dies, suprise motherfucka you're under arrest but somebody spins and everyone dies except kentucky fried incel who becomes vader
space alladin finds band of space people, becomes space wizard, also the robot is sociopathic
space twink kills random persons mom and they all try and get the plan
farmer gropes a ball using magic and help from hand
farmer becomes cold and space wizard and hand dies
hand doesnt die empire dies after ball is groped
oh wait time for empire 2.0, random girl does things, black guy runs around yelling, out of breath, confused and they grope another ball, incel 2.0 attacks people
big double-dick vs innocent planet action, incel becomes incellier, everybody dies but then farmboy uses force skype and not everyone dies

Stuff happens that ultimately leads to lightsabers touching.

Episode 7:
A emo wants to prove he's not a disappointment and throws a tantrum.