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What should I get my girlfriend for our annversary?

Last posted Sep 04, 2010 at 09:21PM EDT. Added Aug 31, 2010 at 09:32PM EDT
63 posts from 28 users

First you get a hammer, some nails, and lengths of sturdy wood. This wood will have to support her weight, so make sure the planks aren't too thin. Make a nice, tall cross, seven feet is a good height for this. Then, you find her and blindfold her, saying that she's about to get a surprise. Lead her to a nice, secluded area in the wilderness. Take the cross with you.

That's when you render her unconscious. I don't care how, just do it.

You should have her crucified on that cross you just built by the time she wakes up. Put the nails through her wrists, not her hands. That way, the bones will hold her there and she won't fall. Use chains to help reinforce if you're not too confident about the nails.

Take out the knife. Nice and large, but preferably not serrated so it won't get stuck in the flesh. Make a nice horizontal incision in her abdomen, but try not to puncture any organs. Take the rats you found earlier. I told you to acquire rats, didn't I? Well if not, there you go. Rats. Slip the rats one by one into the opening you just made. Then stitch it up. Don't worry about making the stitches perfect, you can always put the rats back if they escape.

Sit back, and relax. You can let the rats do their work, or you can play with some ordinary household chemicals if you feel like it.

Skeletor-sm

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