Forums / Discussion / Serious Debate

It feels like I've been to so many online communities throughout the years, yet it feels like I have never truly found a sense of belonging amongst any of them, or feel like I have found a place where I am respected or valued. Sometimes I even have to fight to get people's attention or get something answered.

Has this ever happened to any of you?

Yeah, recently.

Long time friend of mine splintered off from my RPG group to make their own server, happened over a spat where I didn't ban someone they had been feuding with on and off. Everyone now mostly hangs out there and I haven't been able to keep up GMing my games so it's left me wondering if people see me as a friend or as a game provider. Didn't help that I also missed our rare in-person meetup we do due to work. I've come to cope with it a bit by exploring around as a player rather than as a GM, entering games with randos until I've recently found 1 or 2 new groups I like. RPGs gives me a means to find new friends under an easy shared pretense, and I'm experienced enough to know what groups I'm not going to enjoy early on. Still have some doubts from time to time though, starting over from the bottom rung in a friend circle isn't always easy, the respect you get for leading the group in a game feels extremely rewarding but there's a lurking fear in the background that people will hold it against me in the long-term when I fail to deliver. There are a lot of other factors but some are too personal and I think I've rambled in circles too much already.

The industry I work in also tends to have high turnover during certain periods, it makes building relationships with others rather difficult. The isolation has been getting to me somewhat I'll admit but I think some of it is just the covid blues, I'm eager to get back into the office soon to get back into a better routine.

I guess the only thing I can suggest is try to find a means to meet new people through some common interest or venue. I've met people before that I've felt truly engaged with, that I could just talk to for hours about anything and nothing at all. I'm geographically separated from them now but those people exist, you just have to try to find them. Living a healthier lifestyle in general is also probably helpful but I'm not the right person to instruct you how to do that.

Eh, it depends, and you have to be very careful about falling into obsessing about likes and dislikes. To give my experience with different social media:

Facebook: I've know people with facebook friends and likes in the triple digits, while I rarely broke above the double digits. Now most people have moved on, and I only use it to contact older relatives.

Twitter: Don't have an account, don't want one.

Reddit: There's some nice communities if you avoid the biggest subs. Not a good place for any sense of "belonging".

Small forums: Some good experiences, some bad experiences. Small random forums, often centered on a hobby or project are the ones I like the most. The only real "internet friends" I've ever made are from these places.

Linkedin: Useful at best, facebook lite at worst.

MMOs: A cousin was hooked to WoW, but I never got into any of them long-term.

KYM: I'd be surprised if I was. I spend a lot of time complaining, and when I'm not, I'm preaching. Plus, I still hold a small grudge against what remains of the community for what it became a few years ago

Still, the images and comments can be funny, and I can say things here that I don't say anywhere else, all the while there's few enough people that comments aren't usually drowned out.

I mainly stick to e-mails or zoom for any real conversations, but I hope you eventually find a community you'll feel comfortable in.

Yep constantly all the time until recently got that feeling in the Kym discord server especially, though yeah nobody actually liked me there.

Take that as you will

Everyday.

I've been like this since middle school.

This is reassuring in a depressing sense

I suppose so, but I like to keep a low profile and my distance from others online, putting a halt to any meaningful relationships. I like to Keep things amicable, but casual and brief. For what little it worth though, I do like a lot of fellow users here.

Kind of the opposite happens to me. My direct family and best friend are adamant on reminding me how much they like me, but I question myself everyday if I am reciprocating that sentiment properly to them, and have been like this since my teenage years.

If anything, I think people like me are the reason why others make themselves the question on this thread, and if that is true, then I can guarantee you that more often that it is evident, it is less about people not liking you and more about people liking you, but not knowing how to express it since most adults are not obvious or direct about it unless you have broken that level of ice between you already, which is common only on intimate relationships.

Yes! Absolutely. I’m 26 now. And it wasn’t until the past year where, not only I accepted why I’m usually not liked, but had a clear vocabulary to describe my flaws. It came with a good amount of maturity, and I made me realize many of the people I’ve came across who I absolutely hated were practically mirrors of me either now or at one point in my life.

If you’re going through this, my advice is be aware of your flaws. You’re 100000% not the person your mind thinks you are. No YouTube video or any resources available that have a title like “Top 10 ways to be more likable” will ever truly change you. It does take time to change your conscious self, and it even takes real pain, if truly needed.