About

The Canis Root Tea copypasta is a semi-erotic fanfic that was spamposted in several Discord servers in mid-2021 and 2022, notably the official Skywind server. It references the character Neloth from the videogames TES: Skyrim and TES: Morrowind who has a fondness for canis root tea. The copypasta also references the Lusty Argonian Maid, a book which can be found within the games and that has infamous erotic connotations.

You just learnt water walking. In a fit of spontaneity you set a straight course out to sea but you are growing weary, the last few minutes of the spell ticking down to the snapping sounds of hungry slaughterfish. Stupidity got the better of you – with no mana left and means to teleport to safety. A shadow in the distance subtly sticks out in the horizon. An island! You chug the speed potion and pray.

The ground was welcome. About to rest, a mysterious structure behind large craggy rocks shows. Perhaps shelter – anything better than the woods with wildlife around. Large dishes of soft tissue spring up from the ground. What's this? A door? The giant mushroom sported a lengthy staircase to a grand round port. Every step is a laborious effort, every breath a storm. The entrance is huge. You put your ear to the wood. Nothing. Too thick?

The handle creaks but opens easily. Two voices echo in the dim interior, you close in to listen. "Varona, where is it?!". "Sorry master. Right away". You sneak to the doorway of what seems to be the kitchen. The shadows dance across the okra-colored walls from a small flickering fire. Two girthy limbs of canis root are put in the mortar, their flesh pounded, and their juices extracted by the rhythmic force of the pestle. The steamy kettle cast a fine dew across the glassware, the hot sensations assaulting you from a distance. Deft hands work the euphoric herbs, their totality conjoined through arcane movements surely belonging to the daedric planes.

The Master enters. Before the maid could say anything, he'd slithered his bony fingers against the curvy forms of the cup. A load was quickly disseminated at his behest. His lips pressed against the glossy rim and with syncopated gulps the hot luscious juice nimbly filled his insides, his knees bending from the pleasure. "I also need my chambers cleaned, Varona". He swung his gaze at your direction. Beads formed on your brow. He smiled. "Perhaps you can teach our guest to help you…"