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Take her flowers, she said

I said to him, "when you visit my mum in hospital, you should take her flowers" You waited till she wasn't looking, then you took her flowers And I did exactly that IG: PUN BIBLE

I said to him, "when you visit my mum in hospital, you should take her flowers" You waited till she wasn't looking, then you took her flowers And I did exactly that IG: PUN BIBLE

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Hymns and hearse

Dad Jokes! @dadgivesjokes Why do they say "Amen" instead of "A woman" at the end of songs at church? Because they are hymns, not hers.

Dad Jokes! @dadgivesjokes Why do they say "Amen" instead of "A woman" at the end of songs at church? Because they are hymns, not hers.

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Two birds right?

The wife said "here's £20, get the dog a warm jacket, if there's any money left" get yourself a beer. 18 PACK Heineken

The wife said "here's £20, get the dog a warm jacket, if there's any money left" get yourself a beer. 18 PACK Heineken

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Sign Language

whatsabbiesinsta 2d what's the least spoken language in the world? Sign Language 30 Q Dad Club >

whatsabbiesinsta 2d what's the least spoken language in the world? Sign Language 30 Q Dad Club >

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Copy that.

Me: Suspect is dancing naked through the streets of downtown. Dispatch: Copy that. Me: I'll try but I'm not much of a dancer.

Me: Suspect is dancing naked through the streets of downtown. Dispatch: Copy that. Me: I'll try but I'm not much of a dancer.

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Noah fence

Hope this post isn't a fence sieve to anyone

Hope this post isn't a fence sieve to anyone

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After all the eating I did over the holidays, I am happy to report that my socks still fit.

Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes. Follow After all the eating I did over the holidays, I am happy to report that my socks still fit. 8:47 AM - Jan 8, 2025 X

Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes. Follow After all the eating I did over the holidays, I am happy to report that my socks still fit. 8:47 AM - Jan 8, 2025 X

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Did you take the spider out?

Did you take the spider out instead of killing it? I sure did... We had a few drinks, pretty cool guy, said he works in web design. / @DadSayss

Did you take the spider out instead of killing it? I sure did... We had a few drinks, pretty cool guy, said he works in web design. / @DadSayss

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Mansplaining

Dad Jokes! @dadgivesjokes My wife gave me a long explanation about mansplaining I guess I can call it shelaborating

Dad Jokes! @dadgivesjokes My wife gave me a long explanation about mansplaining I guess I can call it shelaborating

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"So it turns out that when my son asked for a poster of LBJ for his birthday, he meant LeBron James"

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Hey, it worked

Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes I was at a job interview today when the manager handed me a laptop and said: "I want you to try to sell this to me." So I put it under my arm, left the building and went home. Eventually he called me and said: "Bring my laptop back now." I said: "$200 and it's yours."

Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes I was at a job interview today when the manager handed me a laptop and said: "I want you to try to sell this to me." So I put it under my arm, left the building and went home. Eventually he called me and said: "Bring my laptop back now." I said: "$200 and it's yours."

/r/recruitinghell recruiting hell work jobs working dad jokes jokes

Can't even get fired...

Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes What's the worst thing about having a job at the unemployment office? If you get fired, you still have to show up the next day.

Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes What's the worst thing about having a job at the unemployment office? If you get fired, you still have to show up the next day.

technically true technically the truth true truth facts can't argue with that technically not wrong dad jokes

Need that back

John Opdenakker @j_opdenakker To the person who stole my Microsoft Office License. I'm gonna find you. You have my Word. 11:06 13 Feb 21 Twitter Web App 243 Retweets 17 Quote Tweets 1,654 Likes

John Opdenakker @j_opdenakker To the person who stole my Microsoft Office License. I'm gonna find you. You have my Word. 11:06 13 Feb 21 Twitter Web App 243 Retweets 17 Quote Tweets 1,654 Likes

/r/technicallythetruth technically the truth technically not wrong true truth can't argue with that twitter microsoft dad jokes

Oops

makuntizsmelli • 18d I'm 22. Still sleep with the teddy bear my dad bought me the day I was born. RIP Dad. dadjokes_bot S⚫18d Hi 22, I'm dad! Reply 173 499

makuntizsmelli • 18d I'm 22. Still sleep with the teddy bear my dad bought me the day I was born. RIP Dad. dadjokes_bot S⚫18d Hi 22, I'm dad! Reply 173 499

/r/accidentalcomedy accidental comedy dad jokes reddit

Dad's Spaghetti

Kieran Healy @kjhealy@mastodon.social A late dinner-prepared on time but neglected in favor of a computer game-led my son to be victimized by the remark "Those who forget the pasta are condemned to reheat it". Honestly I'm surprised he hasn't simply smothered me in my sleep by now. Mar 05, 2024, 04:35 - Ivory for iOS 8 - ★ 19

Kieran Healy @kjhealy@mastodon.social A late dinner-prepared on time but neglected in favor of a computer game-led my son to be victimized by the remark "Those who forget the pasta are condemned to reheat it". Honestly I'm surprised he hasn't simply smothered me in my sleep by now. Mar 05, 2024, 04:35 - Ivory for iOS 8 - ★ 19

pasta those who forget the past

A Lucky Load

Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes I saw a man going up a hill with a trolley full of horseshoes, four-leaf clovers and rabbits feet. I thought: "Wow, he's pushing his luck! 12:42 PM. Feb 27, 2024 9,635 Views ·

Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes I saw a man going up a hill with a trolley full of horseshoes, four-leaf clovers and rabbits feet. I thought: "Wow, he's pushing his luck! 12:42 PM. Feb 27, 2024 9,635 Views ·

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Inappropriate

DocAtCDI @DocAtCDI@mastodon.social It's inappropriate to make a dad joke if you're not a dad. It's a faux pa. Jan 15, 2024, 06:32 - DocAtCDI 85-★ 167

DocAtCDI @DocAtCDI@mastodon.social It's inappropriate to make a dad joke if you're not a dad. It's a faux pa. Jan 15, 2024, 06:32 - DocAtCDI 85-★ 167

I Have

Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes I want to tell you about a girl who only eats plants. You've probably never heard of herbivore.

Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes I want to tell you about a girl who only eats plants. You've probably never heard of herbivore.

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Things Are Looking Up

Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes I've decided, that from January 1st, I'll only be watching videos in 1080p or higher. It's my New Year's Resolution.

Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes I've decided, that from January 1st, I'll only be watching videos in 1080p or higher. It's my New Year's Resolution.

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Sad Times

Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes I hate my job. All I do is crush cans all day. It's just... Soda pressing.

Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes I hate my job. All I do is crush cans all day. It's just... Soda pressing.

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