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Loneliness is hard | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/26/19(Thu)21:58:59 No.121597357 >Goes to prostitute >"Alright honey what do ya want? $50 to blow $100 for the night. $250 for a---, but ya gotta wear a rubbah" 40 KB JPG >l-l was wondering if you would come see a m- movie with me >"A movie? Like some kinky sex tape or somethin?" >N-no I wanted to know if you can come see Joker with me in theaters >"So you want me to suck ya c--- in the theater?" >N-no..just sit there and watch the movie with me I can still hear her laughing >>121604192 # >>121604678 #
: Anonymous 09/26/19(Thu)21:58:59 No.121597357 >Goes to prostitute >"Alright honey what do ya want? $50 to blow $100 for the night. $250 for a---, but ya gotta wear a rubbah" 40 KB JPG >l-l was wondering if you would come see a m- movie with me >"A movie? Like some kinky sex tape or somethin?" >N-no I wanted to know if you can come see Joker with me in theaters >"So you want me to suck ya c--- in the theater?" >N-no..just sit there and watch the movie with me I can still hear her laughing >>121604192 # >>121604678 #

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King Leopold's Ghost | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Tinder passport 11/03/21(Wed)07:37:21 No.66007318 >be me >don't get matches on tinder >pay for passport mode >use passport to go to the Congo >match with really hot black chicks Mavia 27 1.05 MB JPG >they tell me I'm cute >l tell them I finally understand what brought the Belgians to Congo >they stop replying Did I f--- it up?
: Anonymous Tinder passport 11/03/21(Wed)07:37:21 No.66007318 >be me >don't get matches on tinder >pay for passport mode >use passport to go to the Congo >match with really hot black chicks Mavia 27 1.05 MB JPG >they tell me I'm cute >l tell them I finally understand what brought the Belgians to Congo >they stop replying Did I f--- it up?

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Anon goes outside | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/12/20(Tue)22:36:00 No.58122654 >go outside >see people with long hair >see people with t--- >see people wearing a dress >they're everywhere W-- guys I thought women were just a meme 280 KB PNG
: Anonymous 05/12/20(Tue)22:36:00 No.58122654 >go outside >see people with long hair >see people with t--- >see people wearing a dress >they're everywhere W-- guys I thought women were just a meme 280 KB PNG

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Anon is too smart to get scammed | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/04/20(Wed)15:47:35 No.822020977 >Be me >Get a call from unknown number >Answer it >"Congatulations, you won an all expenses paid vacation!" >"F--- off scammer" *click* 15 KB JPG >Watch local news later that night >Headline: "Billionaire gives away free vacations to 5 locals" >mfw 3 Replies / 1 Image View Thread
: Anonymous 03/04/20(Wed)15:47:35 No.822020977 >Be me >Get a call from unknown number >Answer it >"Congatulations, you won an all expenses paid vacation!" >"F--- off scammer" *click* 15 KB JPG >Watch local news later that night >Headline: "Billionaire gives away free vacations to 5 locals" >mfw 3 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

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Anon buys skin. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/03/21(Wed)21:45:39 No.66016492 >Tell my therapist that I felt bad for spending 120$ on a skin. >"Skin of what?" "Riven." >"Is that a name?" >l nod. >"So you know Riven?" "Not really. I play her, but I don't 176 KB JPG play her much, you know?" >He writes something down and changes the topic. >Letter get a knock on my door. It's the cops doing a wellness check. >Tell them I'm fine and they leave. I bet that bitch called a wellness check on me because I play league of legends!
: Anonymous 11/03/21(Wed)21:45:39 No.66016492 >Tell my therapist that I felt bad for spending 120$ on a skin. >"Skin of what?" "Riven." >"Is that a name?" >l nod. >"So you know Riven?" "Not really. I play her, but I don't 176 KB JPG play her much, you know?" >He writes something down and changes the topic. >Letter get a knock on my door. It's the cops doing a wellness check. >Tell them I'm fine and they leave. I bet that bitch called a wellness check on me because I play league of legends!

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Just as the Founding Fathers intended | /r/Greentext

>Be me >Be sleeping >Hear a window smash at 3:49am >Grab my home defense musket because that's what the founding fathers intended when they wrote the second 32 KB JPG amendment >Run out of the room and see two masked men >Fire musket at first one, blows a hole a foot in diameter in him >He's dead on the spot >Musket ball continues to fly wildly going through my neighbor's wall and nails his dog >Grab my flintlock pistol and fire it at the second man >Musket ball misses entirely because is smoothbore >Ball goes through other neighbors house and destroys his TV >Fix Bayonet to musket and jab the second guy 15 times >Reload my musket in case any more rapscallions arrive >Police knock and enter upon hearing the ruckus >Can't hear or see because of the flintlocks report >Mistakenly shoot the police officer >Stabbed guy bleeds out at the hospital after using four pints of blood because triangle bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up >Just as the founding fathers intended.
>Be me >Be sleeping >Hear a window smash at 3:49am >Grab my home defense musket because that's what the founding fathers intended when they wrote the second 32 KB JPG amendment >Run out of the room and see two masked men >Fire musket at first one, blows a hole a foot in diameter in him >He's dead on the spot >Musket ball continues to fly wildly going through my neighbor's wall and nails his dog >Grab my flintlock pistol and fire it at the second man >Musket ball misses entirely because is smoothbore >Ball goes through other neighbors house and destroys his TV >Fix Bayonet to musket and jab the second guy 15 times >Reload my musket in case any more rapscallions arrive >Police knock and enter upon hearing the ruckus >Can't hear or see because of the flintlocks report >Mistakenly shoot the police officer >Stabbed guy bleeds out at the hospital after using four pints of blood because triangle bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up >Just as the founding fathers intended.

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Friendzone is not real | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 07/25/18(Wed)15:31:06 No.775355811 File: 1322261238567.jpg (482 KB, 1200x1800) >>775353580 (OP) >girl friendzoned me >l stopped being her friend >no longer in the friendzone because we're not friends Now you know how to escape, you're welcome.
Anonymous 07/25/18(Wed)15:31:06 No.775355811 File: 1322261238567.jpg (482 KB, 1200x1800) >>775353580 (OP) >girl friendzoned me >l stopped being her friend >no longer in the friendzone because we're not friends Now you know how to escape, you're welcome.

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Clutch Powers is love,Clutch Powers is life | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/03/21(Wed)19:07:20 No.866059446 LEGO ADVENTURES CLUTCH POWERS THE >be me >be 6 years old >favorite movie is Lego The Adventures of Clutch Powers >l watch Clutch Powers every night before bed >ask mom if I can meet Clutch Powers in FIRST LEGO MOVIE ON DVD! 46 KB JPG real life >mom says maybe someday >l go on Amazon.com because mom tells me everything I want is on there >type in Clutch Powers >see Amazon page for The Adventures of Clutch Powers >I don't know what to do >order 99 copies of The Adventures of Clutch Powers on DVD >2 weeks later >see huge FedEx box at my front door >tell mom that Clutch Powers is here >she's so confused >opens box >sees the 99 DVDS in the box >asks me how they got there >said I went on Amazon.com >she goes upstairs to tell my dad what happened >dad comes downstairs with leather belt >Dear Sweet Neptune >one whip for every copy of The Adventures of Clutch Powers
: Anonymous 11/03/21(Wed)19:07:20 No.866059446 LEGO ADVENTURES CLUTCH POWERS THE >be me >be 6 years old >favorite movie is Lego The Adventures of Clutch Powers >l watch Clutch Powers every night before bed >ask mom if I can meet Clutch Powers in FIRST LEGO MOVIE ON DVD! 46 KB JPG real life >mom says maybe someday >l go on Amazon.com because mom tells me everything I want is on there >type in Clutch Powers >see Amazon page for The Adventures of Clutch Powers >I don't know what to do >order 99 copies of The Adventures of Clutch Powers on DVD >2 weeks later >see huge FedEx box at my front door >tell mom that Clutch Powers is here >she's so confused >opens box >sees the 99 DVDS in the box >asks me how they got there >said I went on Amazon.com >she goes upstairs to tell my dad what happened >dad comes downstairs with leather belt >Dear Sweet Neptune >one whip for every copy of The Adventures of Clutch Powers

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Trail of tears | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous My plan to lose my virginity (..) 11/03/21 (Wed)20:05:06 No.66014960 >Be me >Sick of being a virgin at 25 >Have brilliant idea >Sign up to volunteer at abortion CLINIC ES clinic as an " clinic escort" >You're basically there to escort 596 KB JPG scared women into the Planned Parenthood for abortions because they don't want to go alone. >They're obviously single, easy, and put out. >What could go wrong? >First day today. >These chicks are either crying or won't say a word. >100% were obese. >One white girl in the bunch and she had face tats. >The other escorts are all old lesbians who look at me like l'm sus. >Cutest girl I saw was at a protest line across the street at the end of the day. >She gave me a death stare like I was human garbage. I signed up for the rest of the week. This was clearly a bad idea. W-- do I do?
: Anonymous My plan to lose my virginity (..) 11/03/21 (Wed)20:05:06 No.66014960 >Be me >Sick of being a virgin at 25 >Have brilliant idea >Sign up to volunteer at abortion CLINIC ES clinic as an " clinic escort" >You're basically there to escort 596 KB JPG scared women into the Planned Parenthood for abortions because they don't want to go alone. >They're obviously single, easy, and put out. >What could go wrong? >First day today. >These chicks are either crying or won't say a word. >100% were obese. >One white girl in the bunch and she had face tats. >The other escorts are all old lesbians who look at me like l'm sus. >Cutest girl I saw was at a protest line across the street at the end of the day. >She gave me a death stare like I was human garbage. I signed up for the rest of the week. This was clearly a bad idea. W-- do I do?

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Anon plays San Andreas | /r/Greentext

: jocadbz gta san andreas was lol 11/03/21(Wed)20:04:40 No.576808503 >playing gta san andreas at home >call a prostitute >mom walks in the room >proceed to get beaten for 3 hours straight 6 KB JPG : Anonymous 11/03/21(Wed)20:38:43 No.576811438 >beaten for 3 hours straight is your mom available?
: jocadbz gta san andreas was lol 11/03/21(Wed)20:04:40 No.576808503 >playing gta san andreas at home >call a prostitute >mom walks in the room >proceed to get beaten for 3 hours straight 6 KB JPG : Anonymous 11/03/21(Wed)20:38:43 No.576811438 >beaten for 3 hours straight is your mom available?

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Anon has standards | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/30/21(Sat)01:02:46 No.16911710 >Welcome to Applebee's, my names Eva and l'll be your waitress this evening. What can I get started for you? 585 KB PNG 58 Replies / 6 Images View Thread : Anonymous 10/30/21(Sat)20:20:47 No.16915369 >>16911710 (OP) # >What can I get started for you? My car because I'm getting the f--- out of this blue collar s-------
: Anonymous 10/30/21(Sat)01:02:46 No.16911710 >Welcome to Applebee's, my names Eva and l'll be your waitress this evening. What can I get started for you? 585 KB PNG 58 Replies / 6 Images View Thread : Anonymous 10/30/21(Sat)20:20:47 No.16915369 >>16911710 (OP) # >What can I get started for you? My car because I'm getting the f--- out of this blue collar s-------

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Anon is a smart investor | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/23/20(Thu)11:56:49 No.819094755 >be me >20 yo student >doing little computer repairs for money >get call from friend working at warehouse 648 KB PNG >"Anon, there is this huge pile of laptops that has to be thrown away. I asked my boss if I could take them and he said yes. They seem pretty recent, come and see them, maybe you can earn quite some money off it" >see pictures >lots of Thinkpad T440 >whynot.jpg >go to friend >inspect laptops >most of them have problems, but some work fine >load them on car >head back home >a------ jumps a red light and t-bones the back of my car >police comes sees dashcam footage and says this a------ was in fault >submit insurance compensation >maliciousidea.gif >put all 50 laptops into compensation mfw I receive 30000$ in compensation for mostly broken laptops 3 Replies / 2 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 01/23/20(Thu)11:56:49 No.819094755 >be me >20 yo student >doing little computer repairs for money >get call from friend working at warehouse 648 KB PNG >"Anon, there is this huge pile of laptops that has to be thrown away. I asked my boss if I could take them and he said yes. They seem pretty recent, come and see them, maybe you can earn quite some money off it" >see pictures >lots of Thinkpad T440 >whynot.jpg >go to friend >inspect laptops >most of them have problems, but some work fine >load them on car >head back home >a------ jumps a red light and t-bones the back of my car >police comes sees dashcam footage and says this a------ was in fault >submit insurance compensation >maliciousidea.gif >put all 50 laptops into compensation mfw I receive 30000$ in compensation for mostly broken laptops 3 Replies / 2 Images View Thread

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anon is lonely | /r/Greentext

O Anonymous 11/03/21(Wed)15:33:12 No.866045325 [Reply] > >Be me >One shot at life >6'6", athletic, said to be handsome by most people, percieved as being very intelligent (I don't actually think I am) >know a lot of people, and most of them are always nice to me So far so good right? >Still a loser and shy pc gamer >Very empathetic and wanting to help others, got taken advantage of a lot of times. > Have very few real friends, of whom I care about more than I do about myself. >Never had a gf, but most of my true friends happen to be already taken women who keep telling me I deserve one (I don't) >Constantly feel bad about everything and chose to quit playing volleyball to focus on Uni, immediately regretted it. >Too disgusted to try dating apps because I think it's a wrong and degrading way to get laid and I still believe in finding someone who loves me for who I am and not for what i look like. Most incels would kill to have my body and the opportunities I have, and yet my outcome is no diffrent from theirs. Is this how it feels to be a failure? Everyone would've done better in my place. Also I apologize for my english, I'm an eurofag.
O Anonymous 11/03/21(Wed)15:33:12 No.866045325 [Reply] > >Be me >One shot at life >6'6", athletic, said to be handsome by most people, percieved as being very intelligent (I don't actually think I am) >know a lot of people, and most of them are always nice to me So far so good right? >Still a loser and shy pc gamer >Very empathetic and wanting to help others, got taken advantage of a lot of times. > Have very few real friends, of whom I care about more than I do about myself. >Never had a gf, but most of my true friends happen to be already taken women who keep telling me I deserve one (I don't) >Constantly feel bad about everything and chose to quit playing volleyball to focus on Uni, immediately regretted it. >Too disgusted to try dating apps because I think it's a wrong and degrading way to get laid and I still believe in finding someone who loves me for who I am and not for what i look like. Most incels would kill to have my body and the opportunities I have, and yet my outcome is no diffrent from theirs. Is this how it feels to be a failure? Everyone would've done better in my place. Also I apologize for my english, I'm an eurofag.

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anon participates in no nut november | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/03/21(Wed)15:34:56 No.866052571 >be me >kissless virgin and huge coomer >no nut november begins >actually decide to try this time >day 1 >still a loser 133 KB JPG >day 2 >walking by two girls on campus, they seem to be talking about me and one of them mentions my swim team shirt in awe >w--.jpeg >day 3 >girl I like suddenly is interested in talking to me >she initiated the conversation and was pushy about me joining a club she's in >never shown interest like this before If you f------ told me it was this easy, I would've stopped cooming years ago.
: Anonymous 11/03/21(Wed)15:34:56 No.866052571 >be me >kissless virgin and huge coomer >no nut november begins >actually decide to try this time >day 1 >still a loser 133 KB JPG >day 2 >walking by two girls on campus, they seem to be talking about me and one of them mentions my swim team shirt in awe >w--.jpeg >day 3 >girl I like suddenly is interested in talking to me >she initiated the conversation and was pushy about me joining a club she's in >never shown interest like this before If you f------ told me it was this easy, I would've stopped cooming years ago.

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Anon kills a snail. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 19 minutes ago 46705365 >walking after rain >snails everywhere >CRACK >i stepped on a snail >sorry little guy, i will end your suffering >step with great power, twist foot >look down >mfw i killed a wrong, completely healthy snail im sorry boys 1 REPLY
Anonymous 19 minutes ago 46705365 >walking after rain >snails everywhere >CRACK >i stepped on a snail >sorry little guy, i will end your suffering >step with great power, twist foot >look down >mfw i killed a wrong, completely healthy snail im sorry boys 1 REPLY

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Anon is a typical middle schooler | /r/Greentext

hi my name is Alvin I am 11 years old I really like among us and memes and I have seen a lot of funny 4chan stories on reddit. I wrote this song about Among us for you guys I hope it's funny and please share other cool stuff with me thanks 17 KB JPG > oh yea when the imposster is sussy >I do your mom in the p---- > sussy sussy sussy > your fat moms p---- > if you are sus > you ride the short bus
hi my name is Alvin I am 11 years old I really like among us and memes and I have seen a lot of funny 4chan stories on reddit. I wrote this song about Among us for you guys I hope it's funny and please share other cool stuff with me thanks 17 KB JPG > oh yea when the imposster is sussy >I do your mom in the p---- > sussy sussy sussy > your fat moms p---- > if you are sus > you ride the short bus

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