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Anon is paranoid | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 410 KB JPG 01/01/22(Sat)11:45:42 >asexual gf wants me to wear chastity cage >ok >now asexual gf wants me to wear panties I'm starting to think she's not asexual No.66801635
: Anonymous 410 KB JPG 01/01/22(Sat)11:45:42 >asexual gf wants me to wear chastity cage >ok >now asexual gf wants me to wear panties I'm starting to think she's not asexual No.66801635

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Anon cleans his room | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/22/21 (Sun)04:53:46 No.65084284 >finally manage to defeat my ADD and start cleaning my room >mom starts yelling at me for making too much noise and waking her up at 2 am 44 KB JPG 4 Replies / 2 Images View Thread : Anonymous 08/22/21 (Sun)05:03:32 No.65084369 >>65084284 (OP) # >I'm gonna be a good boi 2day :) >vacuums room at 2 am 51 KB JPG
: Anonymous 08/22/21 (Sun)04:53:46 No.65084284 >finally manage to defeat my ADD and start cleaning my room >mom starts yelling at me for making too much noise and waking her up at 2 am 44 KB JPG 4 Replies / 2 Images View Thread : Anonymous 08/22/21 (Sun)05:03:32 No.65084369 >>65084284 (OP) # >I'm gonna be a good boi 2day :) >vacuums room at 2 am 51 KB JPG

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We cry together | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous FRAGIL 50 KB JPG 11/14/21(Sun)05:11:56 No.66153586 >parents are fighting >me: somehow misinterpret this as a rap battle, and bust through the door beat boxing
: Anonymous FRAGIL 50 KB JPG 11/14/21(Sun)05:11:56 No.66153586 >parents are fighting >me: somehow misinterpret this as a rap battle, and bust through the door beat boxing

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Oh my pet! | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 07/18/13(Thu)14:39 No.35366171 Replies: >>35366289 >>35366355 >>35367388 >>35367473 File: 1374172770058.jpg-(20 KB, 300x300, 1349199668967.jpg) >gf asks me to check her PC because it's slow >star working on it >check browsing history >"woman f------ pets", "how to make pet f--- me", "horse sex", "how to f--- your daughter" >ask her who else uses this computer >"oh, just my dad and me" >delete everything and never talk about this with her >never see my parent in law the same way again the game of computer fixing is a dangerous game indeed
Anonymous 07/18/13(Thu)14:39 No.35366171 Replies: >>35366289 >>35366355 >>35367388 >>35367473 File: 1374172770058.jpg-(20 KB, 300x300, 1349199668967.jpg) >gf asks me to check her PC because it's slow >star working on it >check browsing history >"woman f------ pets", "how to make pet f--- me", "horse sex", "how to f--- your daughter" >ask her who else uses this computer >"oh, just my dad and me" >delete everything and never talk about this with her >never see my parent in law the same way again the game of computer fixing is a dangerous game indeed

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OP loves his mom | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 06/03/18(Sun)09:54:07 No.11260164 >my mom left school at 16 due to poverty >never showed much interest in books, music etc >retired last year >has since been reading 53 KB JPG through all the books I left in boxes at home >her enthusiasm for reading is so pure feel bad for not enjoying reading that much these days >she kept asking me if I was writing a book and said she could "never do that" >picked up the hint and encouraged her to give it a go, without getting my hopes up >tfw she sent me a story she wrote about two rabbits who become friends >tfw it made me cry and feels more honest than anything I've written How to cope with this feel bros? I love my mum so much.
Anonymous 06/03/18(Sun)09:54:07 No.11260164 >my mom left school at 16 due to poverty >never showed much interest in books, music etc >retired last year >has since been reading 53 KB JPG through all the books I left in boxes at home >her enthusiasm for reading is so pure feel bad for not enjoying reading that much these days >she kept asking me if I was writing a book and said she could "never do that" >picked up the hint and encouraged her to give it a go, without getting my hopes up >tfw she sent me a story she wrote about two rabbits who become friends >tfw it made me cry and feels more honest than anything I've written How to cope with this feel bros? I love my mum so much.

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Maniacal porpoise | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Cooooooooom > be me, 23 > f------ this older girl, she's around 30 > getbusycoomingorgetbusydying > suddenly she grabs my face and leans close bo neb > wispers 'come for mommy baby boy' > sit there frozen in complete shock > j--- the biggest load of my life Guys I am no longer attracted to girls my age, this bitch has given me a mommy fetish and ruined my life 03/23/21(Tue)08:07:07 No.62876647
: Anonymous Cooooooooom > be me, 23 > f------ this older girl, she's around 30 > getbusycoomingorgetbusydying > suddenly she grabs my face and leans close bo neb > wispers 'come for mommy baby boy' > sit there frozen in complete shock > j--- the biggest load of my life Guys I am no longer attracted to girls my age, this bitch has given me a mommy fetish and ruined my life 03/23/21(Tue)08:07:07 No.62876647

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Anon goes on a binge | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/22/22(Sun)06:55:08 No.17877636 >monday >wife tells me she will stay a bit later at work on friday >I was craving McD for days at that point >start fasting in anteciaption for the no girls night >no girls night arrives >order 10 big macs, 20 mcnuggets, 4 chocolate pies, mcflurry, large coke >demolish everything while watching s--- on youtube >throw up in the toilet >feeling hungry again >order more food >baked rice, potatoes with bacon cheddar creamcheese, barbecue-style pork beef >destroy everything >pass out >wake up saturday 2pm >take a monster s--- >kinda hungry afterwards Zero regrets >>17877844 # >>17879306 # >>17880337 # >>17898876 #
: Anonymous 05/22/22(Sun)06:55:08 No.17877636 >monday >wife tells me she will stay a bit later at work on friday >I was craving McD for days at that point >start fasting in anteciaption for the no girls night >no girls night arrives >order 10 big macs, 20 mcnuggets, 4 chocolate pies, mcflurry, large coke >demolish everything while watching s--- on youtube >throw up in the toilet >feeling hungry again >order more food >baked rice, potatoes with bacon cheddar creamcheese, barbecue-style pork beef >destroy everything >pass out >wake up saturday 2pm >take a monster s--- >kinda hungry afterwards Zero regrets >>17877844 # >>17879306 # >>17880337 # >>17898876 #

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Anon gives an inspiring speach | /r/Greentext

A0CB3AE1-9A1D-47F7-909A-31498FCC18C0.png 240 KB PNG YOU WILL OWN THE LAND YOU WILL EAT THE ORGANIC FOOD YOU WILL SMOKE THE CIGARS YOU WILL F--- THE WIFE YOU WILL HAVE THE CHILDREN YOU WILL SPEAK THE TRUTH YOU WILL BREAK THE GLOBALISTS YOU WILL HAVE LOTS OF MONEY AND YOULL BE HAPPY
A0CB3AE1-9A1D-47F7-909A-31498FCC18C0.png 240 KB PNG YOU WILL OWN THE LAND YOU WILL EAT THE ORGANIC FOOD YOU WILL SMOKE THE CIGARS YOU WILL F--- THE WIFE YOU WILL HAVE THE CHILDREN YOU WILL SPEAK THE TRUTH YOU WILL BREAK THE GLOBALISTS YOU WILL HAVE LOTS OF MONEY AND YOULL BE HAPPY

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The Brazilian Shower | /r/Greentext

11/12/21(Fri) 19:12:09 No.347317927 Anonymous (ID: Vcl4rRji ) Engineering Marvels from your (...) The brazilian electric shower: >costs 10 dollars >very energy efficient >doesn't need a boiler >washes hundreds of millions of brazilians every single day with minimal casualties 435 KB PNG Firsties will cry about muh exposed wires but won't admit they have a literal gas bomb in their home constantly poisoning their family. Enjoy your expensive showers boileroids, electric chads win again.
11/12/21(Fri) 19:12:09 No.347317927 Anonymous (ID: Vcl4rRji ) Engineering Marvels from your (...) The brazilian electric shower: >costs 10 dollars >very energy efficient >doesn't need a boiler >washes hundreds of millions of brazilians every single day with minimal casualties 435 KB PNG Firsties will cry about muh exposed wires but won't admit they have a literal gas bomb in their home constantly poisoning their family. Enjoy your expensive showers boileroids, electric chads win again.

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Anon hates Burko | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/29/22(Sun)10:24:03 No.879071791 >Be me, Murican >Have an issue with a guy named Skeeter >Go to Walmart >Buy a gun >Shoot Skeeter 4 KB JPG >Go to jail >Blacked by n------ >Be me, Aussie >Have an issue with some c---, Burko >Go to buy a gun >Have to get license >Waiting period of 3 months >I wanna f----- kill Burko I hate that c--- >Go to the Dr for my alcohol damaged liver (which is free) >He gives me a referral to see a Psychologist >Get 10 free sessions >I see the c---, we talk about Burko and what I should do while I wait for my gun >3 months goes by >Talk over my issues with me old man and my ex missus >Don't hate Burko anymore >Get a new job and play sports Burko's still a c--- though Hmmmmmmm I wonder why we don't get any c---- killing kids in schools hmmmmm?
: Anonymous 05/29/22(Sun)10:24:03 No.879071791 >Be me, Murican >Have an issue with a guy named Skeeter >Go to Walmart >Buy a gun >Shoot Skeeter 4 KB JPG >Go to jail >Blacked by n------ >Be me, Aussie >Have an issue with some c---, Burko >Go to buy a gun >Have to get license >Waiting period of 3 months >I wanna f----- kill Burko I hate that c--- >Go to the Dr for my alcohol damaged liver (which is free) >He gives me a referral to see a Psychologist >Get 10 free sessions >I see the c---, we talk about Burko and what I should do while I wait for my gun >3 months goes by >Talk over my issues with me old man and my ex missus >Don't hate Burko anymore >Get a new job and play sports Burko's still a c--- though Hmmmmmmm I wonder why we don't get any c---- killing kids in schools hmmmmm?

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Anon does not like PC gamers | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/18/18(Mon)10:46:10 No.46196821 >be walking through town center >come across a father and his teen daughter having an argument >"Dad i dont want a f------ computer to game on, im getting a Xbox!" 42 KB JPG >"But computers are so much better! Arte you f------ dumb, im not letting you get an xbox!" >she turns away from him >father lets out a primal roar and tears off his trousers to reveal a 24 inch overclocked c--- with a GTX 1070 inserted into his b------- >he charges at his daughter and spears her up the ass >she melts into cooling fluid and spunk and drains back into his balls >Fathers balls swell to reveal their LED aesthetics >father turns to an onlooking woman who is quivvering and soaking >rams his overcock into her p---- >unloads his daughter into her >after 5 seconds woman gives birth to a teenage boy >he stands up >"hey dad can you help me build my PC please?" >father hugs him while sobbing with joy f------ hate PC master racers
: Anonymous 06/18/18(Mon)10:46:10 No.46196821 >be walking through town center >come across a father and his teen daughter having an argument >"Dad i dont want a f------ computer to game on, im getting a Xbox!" 42 KB JPG >"But computers are so much better! Arte you f------ dumb, im not letting you get an xbox!" >she turns away from him >father lets out a primal roar and tears off his trousers to reveal a 24 inch overclocked c--- with a GTX 1070 inserted into his b------- >he charges at his daughter and spears her up the ass >she melts into cooling fluid and spunk and drains back into his balls >Fathers balls swell to reveal their LED aesthetics >father turns to an onlooking woman who is quivvering and soaking >rams his overcock into her p---- >unloads his daughter into her >after 5 seconds woman gives birth to a teenage boy >he stands up >"hey dad can you help me build my PC please?" >father hugs him while sobbing with joy f------ hate PC master racers

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Anon teaches his office | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 775720450 704.8 kB JPG 1 min ago >be me >dispatch manager for a small company >bunch of 18 year olds start working in the shipping dept >start using the most current memes, yet, ligma etc, just general s--- from 4chan/reddit to see if they get it >kids get really into it >everything is a meme to them >boss walks into the dispatch room just as I chuck some packing tape to one the kids screaming yeet as I do it >boss takes one look at me and says "looks like you've got a case of updog" >one of the kids replies "what's up dog?" >MFW my boss is the biggest memer in the office REPLY
Anonymous | 775720450 704.8 kB JPG 1 min ago >be me >dispatch manager for a small company >bunch of 18 year olds start working in the shipping dept >start using the most current memes, yet, ligma etc, just general s--- from 4chan/reddit to see if they get it >kids get really into it >everything is a meme to them >boss walks into the dispatch room just as I chuck some packing tape to one the kids screaming yeet as I do it >boss takes one look at me and says "looks like you've got a case of updog" >one of the kids replies "what's up dog?" >MFW my boss is the biggest memer in the office REPLY

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Anon enjoys European fashion | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/29/22(Sun)00:02:40 No.879047076 >be me, at work, pre-covid >some co-workers in the coffee room are talking about where to find good clothes ffect I see. 64 KB JPG >one of them is both a giant and obese, complains that the Big And Tall shops don't have s--- that's good quality and in business casual >someone pulls me into the conversation and asks me where I get mine >time to gloat >mention that I actually bought my whole current wardrobe from a trip to Europe a year ago >I found some shop that had nice, neat and interesting clothing, good quality, reasonable price, and in my exact size >pull the tag of my coat over to show them the 164 on the label >I admit I genuinely don't know how European sizing works, but I tried on a pair of jeans in 164 and they were perfect >they don't vanity size or carter to landwhales there, it's possible to find great and stylish clothes in people- sizes >ended up finding so much cool and perfectly fitting stuff that I just bought a whole wardrobe >left all of the clothes I had brought from back home to the hotel "They're kids' clothes." >the mean 7/10 goth from accounting, who wasn't even involved in the conversation, holds her phone up to show what she's been quietly googling "European kids' sizes go by height in centimetres. 164 cm, about 5'5. You're wearing clothes meant for a 14- year-old." >and from that day onward nobody ever f------ let me live that down
: Anonymous 05/29/22(Sun)00:02:40 No.879047076 >be me, at work, pre-covid >some co-workers in the coffee room are talking about where to find good clothes ffect I see. 64 KB JPG >one of them is both a giant and obese, complains that the Big And Tall shops don't have s--- that's good quality and in business casual >someone pulls me into the conversation and asks me where I get mine >time to gloat >mention that I actually bought my whole current wardrobe from a trip to Europe a year ago >I found some shop that had nice, neat and interesting clothing, good quality, reasonable price, and in my exact size >pull the tag of my coat over to show them the 164 on the label >I admit I genuinely don't know how European sizing works, but I tried on a pair of jeans in 164 and they were perfect >they don't vanity size or carter to landwhales there, it's possible to find great and stylish clothes in people- sizes >ended up finding so much cool and perfectly fitting stuff that I just bought a whole wardrobe >left all of the clothes I had brought from back home to the hotel "They're kids' clothes." >the mean 7/10 goth from accounting, who wasn't even involved in the conversation, holds her phone up to show what she's been quietly googling "European kids' sizes go by height in centimetres. 164 cm, about 5'5. You're wearing clothes meant for a 14- year-old." >and from that day onward nobody ever f------ let me live that down

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why does anon hear boss music | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 22 KB JPG 05/28/22(Sat) 22:57:16 No.879046828 >finish a 10/10 video game >credits screen interrupted by the true final phase of the boss fight
: Anonymous 22 KB JPG 05/28/22(Sat) 22:57:16 No.879046828 >finish a 10/10 video game >credits screen interrupted by the true final phase of the boss fight

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anon has insomnia | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/28/22(Sat)17:31:05 No.879030484 >have insomnia >stay up for 32 hours >watch hours and hours of Australian youtubers >coldones, ididathing, gmanlives, stimpee etc 316 KB PNG >go to the store to get lunch at the deli counter >everyone I hear sounds Australian >start freaking out a little >walk up to deli counter >order and the whole time guy sounds Australian to me >start to have a panic attack >go home and sleep >dream in Australian accents After doing some research this is apparently an auditory hallucination from lack of sleep. Still f------ weird.
: Anonymous 05/28/22(Sat)17:31:05 No.879030484 >have insomnia >stay up for 32 hours >watch hours and hours of Australian youtubers >coldones, ididathing, gmanlives, stimpee etc 316 KB PNG >go to the store to get lunch at the deli counter >everyone I hear sounds Australian >start freaking out a little >walk up to deli counter >order and the whole time guy sounds Australian to me >start to have a panic attack >go home and sleep >dream in Australian accents After doing some research this is apparently an auditory hallucination from lack of sleep. Still f------ weird.

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Anon places a McDonalds Order | /r/Greentext

Anonymous worst fastfood experience? 04/12/21(Mon)09:29:17 No.15929124 > be me > jew it up with McDonald's app for sweet coupons > name myself "Tyrone McNier" > decided to order 20 pc nuggies and large fry 23 KB JPG > do mobile order and decide to pick up > when I walk inside there's commotion happening. All workers are black > An extremely mad nog is yelling "AYO I GOT AN ORDER FOR TYRONE MCNI ER IF YOU AINT A BITCH COME PICK UP YA FOOD" > "YOU ARE YOU TYRONE?" >'n..no I'm just hear to use the bathroom" > worker starts chimping out and yelling at everyone in the store who's order this is. > go in bathroom and then instantly leave right after Why did nobody tell me that they can see your name? I thought they were just order numbers? Is there a political reason for this do they wanna signal us out
Anonymous worst fastfood experience? 04/12/21(Mon)09:29:17 No.15929124 > be me > jew it up with McDonald's app for sweet coupons > name myself "Tyrone McNier" > decided to order 20 pc nuggies and large fry 23 KB JPG > do mobile order and decide to pick up > when I walk inside there's commotion happening. All workers are black > An extremely mad nog is yelling "AYO I GOT AN ORDER FOR TYRONE MCNI ER IF YOU AINT A BITCH COME PICK UP YA FOOD" > "YOU ARE YOU TYRONE?" >'n..no I'm just hear to use the bathroom" > worker starts chimping out and yelling at everyone in the store who's order this is. > go in bathroom and then instantly leave right after Why did nobody tell me that they can see your name? I thought they were just order numbers? Is there a political reason for this do they wanna signal us out

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