To be Jeremy Renner is to be a god amongst men. You're an Avenger, a rockstar and the former owner of the world's most confusing app "Jeremy Renner." Now, mere mortals can get a taste of the good life in the Jeremy Renner App Experience, a choose-your-own-adventure text game that takes you from your morning hardboiled eggs to the defense of your own app against an army of trolls.
In the game, you play as Jeremy Renner and click through a series of scenarios that require such hard decisions as choosing one hardboiled egg or two hardboiled eggs for breakfast and whether or not to nuke your own app. Set on the last day of the app's life, navigate the minefield of what it means to have your own self-titled app, a business manager named Kristoffer Winters and an army of internet trolls at your doorstep.
"Jeremy Renner App Experience" is the brainchild of writer and creator Val Bodurtha, a comedian who is currently shopping a short mockumentary about getting a wax Paul Giamatti statue in Madame Tussauds Wax Museum. To help move things along, the game includes a series of beautifully rendered Jeremy Renner bitmojis by Dan Ackerman.
"This app was created to fill the hole that the original Jeremy Renner app left when it was so unfairly cast out from this world," writes Bodurtha in the game's About section. "We all remember where we were that day. I was in my kitchen and I had just purchased 10,000 Jeremy Stars. I couldn't wait to use them."
The game follows Renner through the decision-making process behind when its time to take your own app out back and put it to rest. These decisions aren't so easy as the questions range from the practical to the existential as trolls attempt to shatter the conduit between the fan and the man. Players must decide whether to check their phone or go on a nature walk. Choose the walk and the choices get more complicated. Is nature therapeutic or place where "nobody's paying attention to who did and who did not get an Oscar nomination in the cast of America Hustle.
It's when you pick up your phone and open the app that things get really tricky. You must decide Jeremy's vibe for the day--are you "aloof Oscar-nominated indie darling" or "18th in line for the Bond throne." Before you can even pick out who or what Jeremy Renner is, trolls have attacked the app. Do you fight them or go to sleep? Choose fight and you're well on your way to putting the world's strangest app out of its misery.
The app is really just a last pie in the face of Renner, who shut down Jeremy Renner App, after a group of trolls, well, trolled this weird piece of web ephemera off the web two weeks ago.
There has been no word yet as to whether or not Renner has played the game, but considering there has been no reported tear in the space-time continuum, we'll go ahead and assume Jeremy Renner hasn't played as Jeremy Renner in the "Jeremy Renner App Experience."
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