Notes:

Source
From the source:
1) we save up all our pocket money and buy a giant scissors. Like one at least 2km long.

2) we take our scissors on the ferry over to Scotland as a gift for Nichola Sturgeon.

3) Nichola, on the sly, starts severing the English/Scottish border with the scissors

4) if the English notice and start kicking up a fuss we send in some craic squads of Irish football fans to distract them with cans and a sing-song

5) we attach the now free-floating Scotland to Paul O' Connell, who has been patiently floating off the west coast of Scotland

6) Paul tows Scotland over to the top of our Island and we swap it with the north (remember: we still have the scissors)

7) we glue Scotland to the top of Ireland while Paul tows the north up past buncrana towards sligo, where we use more glue to attach it there

8) we maybe repeat the whole process with Wales, still on the fence about this one, might have to take a vote

9) our newly formed country 'The Celtic Isles' remains in the EU

10) we win all the football forever and probably all the other sportsball too I guess

11) England has a big cry cos now it's basically that kid no one invites to the party cos he's kind of a d---

12) The Isle of Man is like 'guise whats going on lol' but no one answers because seriously, f--- the Isle of Man, state of it

I don't think there are any objective flaws in this plan and I spent nearly three minutes coming up with it so it's probably rock solid.