If Peridot suddenly started roasting like yahtzee the show would have to suddenly jump a few notches on the rating. Like, aaaallllll the ratings.

Peridot: Right off the bat we’re dealing with yet another mess of clods surrounding me because clearly diamond God thought it a befitting punishment to torture me with the a slew of various corny hair-brained plots by a bunch of bum-scratching nitwits with an IQ of a sandwich dipped in fuckall. Seriously it’s like every time a genius idea pops into my head five more stupid ones appear from the clods surrounding me and I am beaten clueless by their weapons of mass inadequancy rooted in emotional lesbian sexual tensions though nobody can say that flat out because that’s forbidden on a kids’ show. Maybe I’m not a Peridot at all maybe I’m a magnet and my genius attracts an equally humongous amount of morons willing to throw themselves around all willynilly in the name of some large pink lady trapped inside a small young boy or in the name of some tall yellow lemon who I an convinced is the bad guy from the Legend of Korra Season 4.