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#MeToo - Long Letter

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Amir Talai @AmirTalai Follow Women BEEN #MeTooing for too long. It's time for more men to admit #lveDoneThat so we can take responsibility & truly change our behavior. CW: sexual assault. I'm a woke-ass feminist, which means I have never been abusive or s----- to women. PYSCH!!! I have been (and still am on occasion) s----- to women. I contribute(d) to and participate(d) in r--- culture and toxic masculinity. Used to be, when I got drunk, I'd get HANDSY. I justified it in my head because I only did it to female friends who I assumed saw me as I saw myself: as a "non-threatening" "nice guy" who "obviously" couldn't be a "predator". Which, obviously, is b-------. And even if every single one of those women did see me that way, it's still not ok. Because I was contributing to a culture in which men assume consent far far more often than we can, which is almost never. (Fwiw, I think consent CAN be assumed on rare occasions like I can assume I have consent for the rest our marriage to kiss Nina's cheek). And I still get caught up in making jokes and comments that are a part of r--- culture. And if I don't make them, I allow them to be made in my presence. I usually check my friends who make inappropriate jokes, but definitely not always. Men, we all contribute to this s---. We may not all be Harvey Weinstein, but we are all, in some way, Weinstein's enablers. Let's be clear, this doesn't mean "we are all rapists" and it CERTAINLY doesn't mean "this is just the way men are, period" What this means is, first off, LISTEN TO WOMEN. Read the #MeToo hashtag. Go back and read the #YesAllWomen hashtag. Read books by women. Consume stories by women. Understand the s--- we've put them through. And at the same time, REFLECT. EXAMINE. INTERROGATE. Look at the ways you participate in this s---. Again, you will usually not be the primary culprit, but you will often be the silent enabler. The dude that looks the other way, or worse, the dude that laughs or eggs the primary culprit on. Look at yourself, own it, and then do everything in your power to change it.

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