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I DECIDED CONVENTIONAL ACTIVISM HAD FAILED. IT'S LIKE ENTRENCHED POWERS DON'T EVEN CARE ABOUT NOVELTY SIGNAGE. I KNEW THAT LIGHT LAY AT THE END OF A DARK PATH IT'S TIME TO TAKE CONTROL OF THE MEDIA THE ONLY WAY TO POWER WAS TO CREATE AN AUDIENCE BY SAYING EVER MORE OBNOXIOUS THINGS. THEY SAY THEY WANT FREEDOM, BUT THEY'RE ALWAYS OPPOSING OUR FREEDOM TO GET LAWS WE LIKE PASSED IMMEDIATELY! EVENTUALLY, MY VIEWS CONTAINED ONLY VACUOUS TAUTOLOGICAL STATEMENTS. ACCEPTING THEM AS WISDOM BECAME A POINT OF PRIDE AMONG MY AUDIENCE. IF WE KEEP THE STATUS QUO, THEN NOTHING'S GONNA CHANGE! WE'VE GOT TO CHANGE THINGS BY MAKING THINGS DIFFERENT! AT THE HEIGHT OF MY FAME, I COULD STRING TOGETHER RANDOM WORD SEQUENCES FOR HOURS AT A TIME WITHOUT ANYONE MINDING. HOT DOG RUNNING/ COIN? COIN BUMBLE TREAT WIMPLES AND WIMPLES AND STONES! OKAY, LETS TAKE SOME CALLS. YES, DAVID ON LINE 2. HI, LONG TIME LISTENER, FIRST TIME CALLER. LOVE THE SHOW. EVERY CENT I MADE WENT INTO PURCHASING LARGER MEDIA OUTLETS, WHICH I USED TO GROW MY AUDIENCE, WHICH I USED TO PURCHASE LARGER MEDIA OUTLETS IN AN EVER-EXPANDING CIRCLE OF POWER. THE MAINSTREAM MEDIA WON'T TELL YOU THIS, BUT THE REMAINING 10% THAT I DON'T OWN IS REFUSING TO SELL FINALLY, I HAD ALL THE POWER. NOW, I CAN FIX THINGS I HIRED THOUSANDS OF FACT-CHECKERS AND STATISTICIANS. COVERAGE WAS WELL-RESEARCHED AND DATA-DRIVEN. OF COURSE THAT INCIDENT SHOULD BE PLACED IN THE CONTEXT OF BROADER TRENDS WHICH TELL A STORY THAT IS SUBSTANTIALLY MORE NUANCED. WE NOW GO LIVE TO THE LIBRARY FOR A PRESENTATION ON BAYESIAN INFERENCE. THIS CREATED RATINGS ISSUES. SIR, EVERYONE STOPPED WATCHING EXCEPT FOR A SMALL CABAL OF MALADJUSTED NERDS. WHATD THEY SAY? THEY SENT YOU 4,000 PAGES DOCUMENTING PETTY SEMI-INACCURACIES THEY'D LIKE CORRECTED ALSO THEY CALLED YOU A BITCH I HAD THOUGHT ALL ALONG THAT THE PRODUCERS WERE THE PROBLEM. I SHOULD'VE BLAMED THE CONSUMERS I'VE BEEN WATCHING THIS SHOW FOR 4 HOURS AND I "STILL* DON'T KNOW WHO THE ENEMY IS! WE ANNOUNCED THAT ALL THE REGULAR PROGRAMMING WOULD RESUME. TODAY'S SCHEDULED GRAPHS WILL BE REPLACED BY PICTURES OF OPPOSITION FIGURES IN HITLER MUSTACHES. MY PLAN WAS TO PRE-EMPT EVERYTHING - TO GO BEFORE THEM MYSELF AND SAY SOMETHING ABOUT WHAT I'D LEARNED BUT, WHEN THE MOMENT ARRIVED, ONLY ONE THING CAME TO MIND. THIS IS MY HELL NOW. THIS IS THE HELL THAT I BUILT RATINGS ARE OFF THE CHARTS TODAY, SIR. AAAAAAAH! smbc-comics.com THIS BONUS COMIC BROUGHT TO YOU BY EARLY BUYERS OF MY NEW COMIC ON IMMIGRATION POLICY. CLICK FOR MORE INFO!

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    Uploaded Oct 02, 2019 at 06:56PM EDT

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    Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal

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