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Anon teaches someone a lesson | /r/Greentext
Uploaded by Reddit Moments Jul 13, 2021 at 03:02PM EDT
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![Anonymous 07/13/21(Tue)10:52:42 No.858907542 [Reply] > >>858908091 Failed attempt thread: post your attempts, and why they were just attempts, I've got a couple and they were all foiled by my own stupidity. here goes. >be me, 16 suicidal for irrelevant reasons >been shooting a couple times, mostly .22s and S&W revolvers because fudd town >come up with a plan >steal my dad's Colt revolver, one 357, and his pain meds >go up to my room >load revolver >eat pills >wait for pills to kick in >gun to head >pull trigger >click >look at cylinder >in my drug induced stupor think that a miracle has just occurred and that the cartridge switched chambers >years later read that Colt revolvers rotate opposite from S&W revolvers I'll post the other, equally stupid story if anyone gives a s---](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/002/146/979/972.png "Anon is a dumbass that doesn't do research | /r/Greentext")
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Greentext Stories - Anon teaches someone a lesson | /r/Greentext
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![Guess Anonymous 11/10/23(Fri)08:52:58 No.909078923 >>909078972 >be me, 26, just cut my family out of my life >move to a new town, get a new job just before christmas >get casually asked what I'm planning to do for the holidays >remember that I don't have a family to go to anymore >tell them I'm not doing anything, I can take the christmas shifts if nobody wants them "Oh, you're jewish? I thought you looked jewish. [Other co-worker] is jewish, too!" >my family is the type of white people who take DNA tests for fun, I'm blond, 2% mongolian and absolutely 0% jew. I just have a long nose. >mfw I don't want to explain my family issues so I just go with it, guess I'm a jew now >Working over christmas, the jew co-worker comes chatting to me >says he hasn't seen me at the shul, but he heard I just moved here, and asked if I'm going back to see my family for a tu bishvat seder >no idea what that is, for some reason I tell him the truth that I don't talk with my family anymore. I've got nobody and I'm alone for holidays from now on. >he looks horrified and invites me to his own folks' thing, insisting that they wouldn't let him NOT do that if they knew >frantically google what the f--- I signed up for as soon as I can >a new year's thing, apparently >dread going to the thing like I would dread visiting my own family >jew co-worker tells me that he told his family about me, his mom interrupted him to yell at him for not inviting me to the seder before he could say that he already did >he thought this was funny, my dread increases. Google as much jewish s--- I can think of beforehand >go to the thing with this guy's family, about to explode with anxiety >surprised to find myself not getting interrogated about anything. >his family is actually genuinely nice, not the kind of fake nice that my family is to guests and strangers, but to each other too >damn bitch, y'all live like this? >they find it funny that I'm skittish to be there >someone's small kid asks me if I'm scared of all families since mine was mean Anonymous 11/10/23 (Fri)08:53:56 No.909078945 ► File: squidward_wat.gif (62 KB, 500x374) >the guy from work keeps inviting me along whenever there's a jewish thing >go to the shul, come to his niece's bat mitzvah, get to know the family and the community >the guy from work stops being just a guy from work, that's my f------ dude. The cousin from nobody's side. >that becomes a running joke, that I'm family but nobody knows how I'm related to >read as much as I can about jewish customs, to make it seem like I'm just anxious to be there, and not entirely unfamiliar with every part of this. I get good at it. >the local community starts to know me as a part of the family, their unofficial "nobody's cousin", awkward but harmless >over a year later at Purim I get s-------- drunk >confess to a rabbi that I should not f------ be here, sobbing that I don't want to go >the rabbi asks why I think I have to go >look at him like he's f------ stupid and repeat what I just said. Because I'm not really jewish >he says he got that part the first time. Obviously I can't stay like this, but have I thought of converting. I've made myself a part of the family, why would I not make myself a part of the people, too. >I wasn't aware that was something a person could do >That rabbi helped me a lot through the process, speaking on my behalf in so many places >he persuaded the family to forgive me about the whole thing, save for omitting the truth once I had never lied to them or treated them wrong >choosing a hebrew name, I got to go with my work guy's grandfather's name - the whole family had thought it was a pity that none of the cousins were named after him, and now one is >I've been a part of the family for years now, I've met the love of my life through them >the rabbi who helped me will marry us >don't work in that old place anymore >randomly happen to see the co-worker who first asked me if I'm jewish >mfw I realize that the reason I got jewed in the first place was because this bitch thought my nose is too big for a white guy](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/list/002/697/869/253.png "Nobody's cousin | /r/Greentext")
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