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: Anonymous 10/26/21(Tue)08:40:35 No.65906654 >neighbors suddenly have chickens >chickens make chicken noises >for some reason, this warms my heart >get woken up by chickens doing the funny chicken sounds and 231 KB JPG there's suddenly a smile on my face >exit my house to do some exercise and see the chickens in the neighbors' backyard >instantly feel great >not even sure if it's legal for them to own chickens, but I'm not going to complain >just feel really f------ happy whenever I hear them make their silly sounds Thanks chickens

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HOW IS YOUR NIGHT GOING /v/? Anonymous 10/11/09(Sun)18:34 No.39833040 Mine is doing good, I just sat down and cracked open a bear and about to play some TF2. Anonymous 10/11/09(Sun)18:35 No.39833090 You cracked open a bear? Anonymous 10/11/09(Sun)18:36 No.39833114 >Cracked open a bear Oh god what OP TF2 IS FOR CASUALS Crro Lack

Anonymous (ID: 31kpyf2g) I f------ hate these people 07/11/21(Sun)21:52:59 No.329597517 1d Amen. As a Democract, I worry about us allowing our cities to become wastelands of homeless drug addicts. I am excited to move out to the suburbs because at least life will be pleasant out there, even if I have to live amongst the Republicans. I want to be able to go for a walk without fear of attack. Do Democrats only care about the rights of antisocial drug addicted transients? I will never vote Republican, but I hate how us Dems don't have the courage to let the ends justify the means. 1625859701519m.jpg 110 KB JPG there is no political solution Anonymous (ID: ricZnDZD) >>329597517 (OP) # 07/11/21(Sun)21:55:23 No.329597743 >I recognize that my party doesn't have my best interests in mind >in fact, I can see that my party favors literal criminals over law abiding citizens >I have to literally pack my s--- up and move because my party ruined my home >I wont ever change the way I vote though Imao Democracy was a mistake >>329599805 # >>329600177 # >>329601081 #

34 KB JPG >Be born in 1949 >Don't have to fight in a war >Be 20 years old in time for the summer of '69 >Pick up some ridiculous 11/10 who's hitchhiking to Woodstock in my Plymouth Roadrunner I bought after working a summer job for a month >She's immediately into me because she's from a small town and I'm the only man in her life who's not her father or brother >Bring her home and marry her >Go to get a job, hired off the street with no experience and get trained >Buy 10 acres of land for less than what I make in a year >rent out my land for decades >retire and sit around house all day looking at my collection of boats and cars I never use Kids today just don't understand hard work and pulling themselves up by their bootstraps

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Anon don't like his height | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/25/21(Mon)22:48:24 No.865534232 >Be me >5'5 male >Wake up >Open Discord >Someone mentions your height >Everyone is suddenly online >Get bullied over your height by 53 KB JPG everyone >Day over, go back to sleep m-----

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Ritual sacrifice | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/26/21(Tue)01:51:04 No.65904046 >25 >get 17 year old girlfriend (legal in my state) >decide to go out and put aside my pride >treat her like my queen 31 KB JPG >always checking on her and telling her I love her >she starts returning the gestures >calls me every night before she goes to sleep >calls me in the morning to tell me she loves me >has started talking about kids and when we'll start a family >she was planning on going to an out of state university >now she's staying here >her parents are against our relationship >say I'm ruining her future >her dad has told me if he sees me around he'll kick my ass >still we push through all obstacles >madly in love I always thought simping was a big no no, but it has taken me so far with her, I love her so much, I wouldn't mind working 3 jobs if she wants to have my kids and be a stay home mom, f---.

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Anon thinks he’s the Driver | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/14/19(Fri)03:01:42 No.116609807 >2011 >Watched Drive like once >try to act like the driver >no money for jacket >my lobster sweatshirt will suffice 966 KB GIF >wear it backwards so it matches the scorpion on the back >get invited to party by some acquaintances >this is my time to shine >girl stand next to me >she tries to make small talk >"So what do you do for fun?" >I wait three seconds >"I drive" >Really? You think you can take me home? My friend is being a bitch." >Panic I biked here >"alright" >randomly grab a pair of keys in the bowl near the entrance >we're in the car >I turn it on, put it in reverse >accidentally slam on the pedal >we jut forward, turns out it was drive >we slam into the garage door >her head slams into the dashboard shes bleeding and silent >people come pouring out of the house >"What the f---?!" >I stay still like Ryan Gosling at the end of the movie >"I think Anon and Jenna are dead! Lets call the ambulance" >Wait til there is only a couple people out watching for emergency vehicles >unbuckle myself, run, and hop on my bike and drive away >Real human bean

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Anon and teacher discuss peni | /r/Greentext

>17 >junior english class >reading sound and the fury >entire class is sleep-deprived and mentally destroyed >finished quentin the night before >discussing it 63 KB JPG >everyone's clearly out of it >teacher starts prodding us a bit >"well of course quentin is attracted to his sister" >we pretty much all get that >"and he's clearly impotent, like him dropping the gun" >a bit more confused noW >"and the knife is obviously a penis• >everyone jerks awake >just looking at the teacher in awe >half the class is making a visible expression like "oh s---...it was?" >class basically descends into anarchy for the day as the teacher just explains that everything is a penis great moment.

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The apple did not fall from the tree. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/06/20(Sun)23:47:41 No.835565196 >be me 15 Today >With 38 yr old dad cleaning out our garage and fixing wiring >"Anon hold this toolbox i'm gonna move some of these boxes so we can get to the crawlspace" 68 KB PNG >whatever >put down tool box somewhere and check my phone >"Alright anon hand me the Smaller ratchet" >brain at 967 ping > suddenly don't remember where i put the toolbox >"Where the hell did you put it?!?" >Loading confusedpanic.exe >"i dont know dad theyre gone i cant find them" >"WELL IT DIDNT JUST NOCLIP THROUGH THE F------ GROUND ANON FIND IT" >whatthefuckdidyousay.png >We're both looking at each other awkwardly knowing what he just said >he embarrassingly storms off into the house >dad is apparently also a beta gamer cuck >like father like son

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Who would win in a fight, a trillion lions or the Sun? | /r/Greentext

SCIENCE & TECH 19 JANUARY 2015 Who would win in a fight, a trillion lions or the Sun? Anonymous 01/23/15(Fri)11:06:33 No.594257065 ► >one trillion lions >each of them is around 10 feet long >that's 10,000,000,000,000 feet of lion >Sun is 93,000,000 miles away from Earth >93,000,000 miles = 491,040,000,000 feet >10,000,000,000,000 is greater than 491,040,000,000 >lions stand on each others' shoulders and create ladder to the sun >unscrew the lightbulb >lions win And you didn't even have to use all of the lions.

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Cider store rules | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 45991336 35 perccel ezelőtt ... >be me >24yo femanon >qt 17yo boys outside tesco ask me to buy them cider >hatch plan >walk into tesco and grab the cider >approach qt employee >explain that i saw my abusive bf outside >"don't worry, you can leave through the back door" >thank him 67,4 kB JPG >pay for the cider with the teenagers' money >leave out back door >drink the cider by the canal and browse 4chan on a local cafe's wifi >mfw 3 REPLIES 2 IMAGES REPLY

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Anon goes to University of Melbourne | /r/Greentext

Be me ID: Ybtk8RQv No.187820144 14 hours ago the-falling-man.jpg JPG 204.6 KiB 1296x730 Australia >Attend orientation day at University >Get handed orientation pack full of goodies >Thank person and go home >Open bag >Find condoms >Find lube >Find latex f------ gloves >Find a f------ plastic sheet?! >Read instructions: sheet is for licking vag I don't know exactly why but this bothers me on so many levels. Maybe because I am going there to improve my mind and they are assuming I will be engaging in degeneracy. Maybe because treating your partner like a class 4 biological hazard defeats the purpose of intimacy? Maybe because they have the temerity to assume fisting and muff diving are standard courtship activities? What the f--- has my sex life got to do with this institution?How do we fix higher education and take it back from these degenerate assholes? 20 replies ID: hk02Ka6R No.187820216 14 hours ago Canada The gloves are for fisting her a------ btw. 1 reply

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Agent 47 kills | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/22/21(Fri)13:05:09 No.575398370 >Welcome to New Mexico, 47. Your target, renowned kinomatographer Halyna Hutchins, can be found on set preparing the daily shoot for the day. With famous actor Alec Baldwin at the helm of production, you should expect a heightened and more observant security presence, but certainly nothing you haven't handled before. Good luck, 41 KB JPG 47. >THAT... is Halyna Hutchins, acclaimed director of photography, and covert operative for Providence. Stay sharp, 47. >Choosing a prop gun to incriminate the lead actor? Interesting choice as always, 47. Alas, I dare say a premature retirement for both parties is in order. >The target is down, and not even by your own hand! Excellent work, 47. The money is being transferred now, it's time to make your exit... stage left.

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Anon starved to death | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/16/18(Sun)19:14:54 No.49882816 >Wake up late past noon as usual >Mom is on phone and cleaning >Take shower >Put chicken nuggies and fries into toaster oven >Fire it up and 11 mins till they are done >Hears mom go to door and open it >She invited some of her friends 16 KB JPG >ohshit.png >Retreat to room >Waiting in room for them to leave but it won't be for at least 2+ hours >Nuggies and fries are going to be cold by the time they leave >I should have just microwaved my food and eat soggy nuggies and fries >Going to starve in my room until they leave

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Anon doesn't understand women. | /r/Greentext

No. 65893901 10/25/21(Mon)08:22:37 02f.jpg 37 KB 655x527 Anons... What happened? Girls are confusing. >Be me, 24 >Meet some girl in a college class same age >We date for like a month or 2 >First time ive ever done that at all >She jokes a lot about marriage, kids, and moving in together >Actually was serious about moving in >Like the idea but its happening too fast >One day she randomly tells me she might move on with some other dude she has known for even less time than me >l tell her that her constant talking to other guys is making me uncomfortable >A few mins later she says "let's go to the bedroom" >We f--- >Lose my virginity >A few days later talk about being "official" and moving in together again >Find out from a mutual friend she keeps asking out the other dude even after all this >Break up with the w---- >Never hear from her again What's the point of dating? 2 replies, 0 images

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Running Man | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/25/21(Mon)12:31:39 No.65895672 >feel the urge to engage in degenerate behavior such as: jerking off, drinking, smoking, gambling or feeling generally depressed >go outside and run through the forest like a madamn until| 169 KB JPG collapse >urge is now gone So far I lost 10 kg 2 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 10/25/21(Mon)12:42:08 No.65895753 >>65895672 (OP) # good, do it now before you get older and will possibly have a heart attack in the middle of it : Anonymous 10/25/21(Mon)13:20:21 No.65896124 >>65895672 (OP)# It's 2am where I am. Guess I'm jerkin it then.

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Greentext Stories - Dinosaur juniors | /r/Greentext

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: Anonymous 10/26/21(Tue)08:40:35 No.65906654 >neighbors suddenly have chickens >chickens make chicken noises >for some reason, this warms my heart >get woken up by chickens doing the funny chicken sounds and 231 KB JPG there's suddenly a smile on my face >exit my house to do some exercise and see the chickens in the neighbors' backyard >instantly feel great >not even sure if it's legal for them to own chickens, but I'm not going to complain >just feel really f------ happy whenever I hear them make their silly sounds Thanks chickens

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