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>be me >26 y/o JIMAT >sitting in my room on a warm summer afternoon, chillin' >playing overwatch >hear my parents' room door open and shuffling downstairs 2009 2020 174 KB JPG >internet shuts off not long after >I was in a f------ comp match and probably lost tons of elo and have a quitting penalty >storm out of my room to investigate >dad is standing there with the modem >"Getting a job is all about being persistent and putting your game face on, Champ. You'll never reach the higher branch if you don't jump. During my senior year in high school, we were facing our cross-town rivals over at Allentown. They were the best team in the entire state, and they had this monster of a defensive end: Chet Anders. He was 6'5, 260 - or he was until I dove at his knees on a cut block and took him out. Sheer luck it took the paramedics a good 15 minutes to get him to stop screaming. I think he leapt off a bridge after Notre Dame yanked his scholarship offer. The point is that you've gotta crawl outta that thick shell of yours-" >d-dad just put the internet back on >"All you've gotta do is show up there and ask to speak with the manager. Stand up straight, look him in the eye, give him a firm handshake, and tell him you'll be the best hire they'll ever make. Ill drive you around town so you can try it out, and we're not turning back until someone hires you on the spot. That simple, Champ!"

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File: chainsaw man.jpg (100 KB, 1627x915) Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)07:55:42 No.252911844 ►>>252911908 >>252914188 >>252914377 >>252916077 >>252919346 >>252919475 >>252920429 >>252921191 W--? >> Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)07:58:52 No.252911908 ►>>252913869 >>252913951 >>252914028 File: 06467EB6-9CF5-49FC-84A4-5(...).jpg (599 KB, 2730x4096) >>252911844 (OP) Denji could've got laid. He f----- up bad.. Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)08:21:47 No.252912389 ► ok groomer Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)09:44:20 No.252913869 ▶>>252914047 >>252914093 >>252914100 >>252914125 >>252914134 >>252914294 >>252914315 >>252914527 >>252914536 >>252914582 >>252914605 >>252914643 >>252914670 >>252914680 >>252914780 >>252914811 >>252915009 >>252915019 >>252915216 >>252915260 >>252915280 >>252915315 >>252916087 >>252916275 >>252916436 >>252916516 >>252916539 >>252916565 >>252916569 >>252916574 >>252916659 >>252916737 >>252916787 >>252916802 >>252916842 >>252916974 >>252917020 >>252917066 >>252917095 >>252917156 >>252917166 >>252917201 >>252917265 >>252917325 >>252917490 >>252917497 >>252917507 >>252918071 >>252918109 >>252918460 >>252918543 >>252918601 >>252918806 >>252919082 >>252919137 >>252919328 >>252919382 >>252919432 >>>252919448 >>>252919457 >>252919510 >>252919544 >>252919551 >>252919576 >>252919615 >>252919616 >>252919650 >>252919702 >>252919759 >>252919779 >>252919804 >>252919882 >>252919944 >>252919980 >>252920003 >>252920030 >>252920106 >>252920276 >>252920335 >>252920347 >>252920412 >>252920415 >>252920494 >>252920535 >>252920577 >>252920610 >>252920647 >>252920712 >>252921030 >>252921081 >>252921110 >>252921138 >>252921146 >>252921257 >>252921392 >>252921415 >>252922113 >>252922329 >>252922635 >>252922833 >>252923296 >>252923418 >>252923492 >>252923792 >>252924120 >>252924150 >>252925598 >>252925778 >>252925795 >>252925980 >>252926106 >>252926146 >>252926234 >>252926278 >>252926350 >>252926563 >>252926620 >>252926624 >>252926689 >>252926756 >>252926764 >>252926876 >>252926911 >>252926918 >>252926925 >>252927034 >>252927073 >>252927110 >>252927127 >>252927301 >>252927310 >>252927461 >>252927677 >>252928003 >>252928114 >>252928431 >>252928442 >>252928498 >>252928709 >>252928848 >>252928958 >>252929393 >>252929964 >>252930095 >>252930514 >>252930728 >>252930740 >>252930886 >>252930911 >>252931013 >>252931111 >>252931128 >>252931382 >>252931493 >>252911908 losing your virginity to the office slut is like eating the last balloon at a wedding as in, only have you in if only one Donaustk € 12, kwĐH T• MAZD ALİH PF 12. Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)09:58:27 No.252914093 ► >>252913869 brother what Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)11:20:41 No.252915260▸ File: doomer Zoomer.png (802 KB, 720x720) Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)09:55:23 No.252914047 ► e: 1266667790002282.jpg (134 KB, 1234x521) >>252913869 >losing your virginity to the office slut is like eating the last balloon at a wedding as in, only have you in if only one >>252913869 Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)15:59:10 No.252920412 ► >>252913869 This is a certified 4chan moment Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)15:15:48 No.252919432 Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)12:57:35 No.252916842 ► e: b81.png (264 KB, 474x377) File: 1495908995260.jpg (78 KB, 1280×720) >>252913869 >>252913869 at last I truly see Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)13:25:28 No.252917325 ► File: i kneel.jpg (86 KB, 405x720) >>252913869 Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)12:47:49 N File: file.png (178 KB, 404x489) my f------ sides best post all day i kneel >>252913869 >t. Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)19:13:15 No.252927301 ► File: it's so over.png (816 KB, 1121x673) >>252913869 My sides Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)10:33:58 No.252914670 ► File: 1683785740614529.jpg (30 KB, 567x496) >>252913869 Damn, this post really mindbroken everyone Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)10:44:57 No.252914811 ► File: 1674008914715180.jpg (29 KB, 680x504) >>252913869 Never have I seen a sentiment conveyed through nonsense with such clarity before. A true modern poet. Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)15:27:55 No.252919702 ► File: 1235316161e7427.png (161 KB, 774x788) Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)18:43:30 No.252926278 ► >>252913869 ESLkun... >>252913869 >The most sane CSM fan Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)15:56:05 No.252920335 ►>>252920351 File: 1681220115757034.jpg (95 KB, 1200x1200) >>252913869 Anon bravely dying of a stroke to shitpost one last time. Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)15:30:34 No.252919759► File: 1667874544032923.png (42 KB, 289x256) >>252913869 XXXX Anonymous UCDAZZJIVYOCHT_42:16 No.2021 20224 IC: JUS_405_4.129 [12 <1, 300 Audinous 1024/2004; 004:20 > 2225 4000 desale Zaroor A 7841 IN It's because that man's arguments are so right that they leave no room for debate. Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)12:41:19 No.252916516 ► File: 1679679759269336.jpg (9 KB, 302x225) >>252913869 >thread doesnt eat their balloons at a wedding Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)17:24:07 No.252923296▸ File: 1682955308164217.jpg (85 KB, 415x375) >>252913869 I HATE THIS i am extreme dissapoint *forced smile Are you allright anon? Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)17:26:44 No.252923418 ► File: Interrogation_mark.jpg (266 KB, 659x932) >>252913869 Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)11:33:23 No.252915435 ►>>252916020 >>252916057 >>252926173 I just want to know who in the hell eats balloons Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)15:20:59 No.252919551► e: 1683274551527799.jpg (22 KB, 800x450) Neory BonCINII VA; CDT > < = >>252913869 >only have you in if only one Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)16:26:01 No.252921146 ► 4148bc178917d22bf0a75c7d3(...).png (2.97 MB, 2508x3541) >>252913869 This feels like an eldritch being is trying to communicate and spread its wisdom on thots. Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)18:51:26 No.252926563 ► File: 1628025425644.png (86 KB, 250x250) >>252913869 Holy f--- I missed these kind of posts. Thanks anon. "cb1100 "PRETEND" ? Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)19:06:55 No.252927073 ► File: 1616620564086.png (506 KB, 709x708) He is speaking the language of gods. >>252913869 beautiful I-I DON'T KNOW! JUST... PRETEND TO BE RETARDED OR SOMETHING! Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)16:06:02 No.252920577 ►>>252920932 >>252913869 Confused reaction image farmpost Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)17:36:25 No.252923792 ► File: 1680879053748926.jpg (87 KB, 644x954) >>252913869 Funniest s--- ive all week Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)16:02:20 No. File: 1647832313112.png (236 KB, 405x560) >>252913869 We got it all wrong. Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)12:55:51 No.252916802 ► File: 1676938237963971.jpg (285 KB, 1711x1108) >>252913869 put me in the screenie weenie

Inaqar 137 KB JPG land you protect 12/24/23(Sun)09:54:58 No.91319497 >skilled warriors seen as the main bulwark against dark forces >sons of powerful and intelligent beings of legend >follow the teachings of a golden, almighty Master who created the >sometimes have powers such as shooting fire, lighting, shockwaves, blasts of ice or energy >wield some of the most powerful weapons around >battle beastly green enemies, awakened soulless armies, spirits, undead, malicious versions of yourselves, daemonic forces, and the literal embodiments of evil >wear bright colors to sell plastic toys >be the Ninja from Lego Ninjago: Masters of Spinjitzu >pic unrelated

Anonymous 10/26/13(Sat) 19:06 No.215457549 File: 1382828761196.jpg-(42 KB, 480x480, 1353212900339.jpg) >My dads face when >"Well have fun" >leaves room >Playing Silent Hill 3 >at the end >dad walks in >"Hey son, what you playing?" >Heather regurgitates a fetus >the other girl picks it up and shoves in his mouth >"I WILL BIRTH THE GOD"

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Harry Potter and the Hangleton Globe Trotters | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/10/21(Fri)09:56:23 No.160408196 >>160407906 (OP) # Maybe if any of you actually read the books, you would know Hermoine was written as a black girl from the start. 241 KB JPG Deathly Hallows page 234 paragraph 3 and I quote.. >"Ron! Voldemort is getting away on his broomstick!". >"Oh No Harry! How are we going to catch him Ron replied. >Things looked dire indeed but just then Hermoine hollered at Harry and Ron from down the street. >"Yo crackers, I gots us some bikes now lets roll on that jive ass noseless m-----------!" >"Hermoine, where did you get these bicycles?" inquired Harry. >"Shieeeettttt.." replied Hermoine.

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Anon missing he’s wife (not really a greentext but still pretty good) | /r/Greentext

I miss my doll wife. Working out of state for long periods without her makes me want to quit. I wish I could take her with me everywhere instead of hidden away in my room. 294 KB JPG : Anonymous 12/09/21(Thu)19:48:41 No.868303899 >>868303797 (OP) # Sorry for your hard ship f----- I hope she stays faithful to you while you're 1.35 MB GIF gone >>868304058 # >>868304184 # >>868304211 # >>86 $04399 # : Anonymous 12/09/21 (Thu)19:51:35 No.868304058 >>868303899 # i laughed at this harder than i should have 72 KB PNG

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Anon had the best dad! | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous I had the best dad 12/15/18(Sat)19:08:31 No.49862882 > Be me > Years ago. Still in womb. > Hear dad whispering nice poems. > Gonnabeagoodlife.mp3 > Hear dad leave for work. > Hear mom invite over 'Tyrone' > Black hose starts knocking 285 KB JPG against my head. > Hear dad come back and cry. > Hear mom beg for forgiveness. > Says he's staying for me. > mfw I realize this wonderful man is going to get stuck with this thot because of me. > Cant let that happen. > Decide to poison her toth bloodstream > Gonnatakeyoudownwithme.divx > Hear dad in hospital say goodbye to me and mom. > Hear moms heart beat stop before mine does. Goodbye dad. You deserve a better life.

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Anon has a female coworker | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/09/21(Thu)20:44:26 No.868318684 >be me >have female coworker >one day she makes a joke about how nobody would want to impregnate her >complimentloading.wav >"I'd impregnate you" 28 KB JPG >she looks at me with a shocked look She hasn't talked to me since then. She doesn't even make eye contact. Was it really that bad? Maybe the compliment was in bad taste but it was still a compliment right? Also, how f----- am l if she tells HR? 7 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 12/09/21(Thu)20:53:09 No.868319098 >>868318956 # That is the most beta s--- l've ever heard.

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(Fem)anon is single | /r/Greentext

>be 6'3" lean educated with a good job with a 6.5/10 face >failure on tinder, bumble, hinge >W-- >create a femanon account to see what I'm up against Not to sound like an ass /b/ but I am 77 KB JPG definitely above average. Not top 10% but definitely in the top 25%. Makes no sense! >tell myself it's because I'm not white I. Smh racisssss >get ready to delete the account >hold on! I still remember the one time a girl complimented me. Feltsogoodman >stay on as femanon and match some kings to compliment them >tell them l'm not looking for anything so they shouldn't expect anything but compliment the f--- out of them I know I'm probably giving false hope to some but hope some dudes are feeling a little better about themselves. >inb4 gay

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anon likes ed sheeran | /r/Greentext

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Anon is Eleven | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/25/18(Sat)05:00:20 No.47729096 most retarded moments thread ? Merthern Virginia > be me > be 11 > in car with family heading home from county fair 100 KB JPG > dad wants dinner > mom hands me the phone book and tells me to look up the number for the place dad wanted so she could check the wait > for whatever f------ reason I hear "get rid of this" > roll down the window and chunk the phone book as we're going 80 on the interstate I didn't get dinner that night

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Anon tries to trade bants with his girlfriend | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/09/21(Thu)09:49:46 No.25444378 >gf calls my foreskin d--- cheese stick or smelly stick all the time >make one joke about her having beef curtains >she ignored me for a whole week that's women for you >>25444382 # >>25444383 # >>25444397 # >>25444399 # >>25444461 #

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Anon needs help | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/09/21(Thu)18:51:34 No.868304057 really need some help bros. I decided that I needed some quick cash to fund my emo rap career >Meet old Russian man on this amateur h----- site >He said he wants a young hung stud for his wife >Go to his mansion in Orange County 28 KB JPG >There is no wife >Only this creepy old guy >He shows me a suitcase full of dollars >Tells me there's 25k in the suitcase >Says he will give it to me if I let him top me and finish him with a r----- >He made me crossdress as a sissy maid >l had the dirtiest and most painful sex ever with this old f-- >after he came down my throat he pushed me out the door >Threw the suitcase at me >Told me he had the "love bug" >Turns out I have aids >Turns out the money was counterfeit >The old man recorded the whole thing with a secret camera and now it's all over the Russian internet apparently I should probably kys View Thread

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Anon the Astronaut | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/09/21(Thu)02:13:35 No.64674046 >>64667626 (OP) # >Whats the hardest s--- you've ever done Just yesterday 295 KB JPG >Completely constipated, hadn't taken a s--- for 4days >Decide enough is enough. >Sit on my throne, trying to pass the massive solid buttbaby >Break out a sweat, can feel the ground underneath me shaking >Can feel my anus opening up the size of a tennis ball, but nothing comes out >5 minutes has passed by now >"This takes too long, I want to go back to gaming" >Imagine myself spaceX' falcon 9 rocket at t-3 seconds >Use all my strength to evacuate the log as quickly as possible >"Boosters have ignited" >The crap comes out at mach 0.9 (sound barrier remains unbroken) >Sounds like rock against porcelain when the log gets dumped >"We have liftoff" >Collapse on the floor in fetal position, can't move, butthole hurts, strength of drained >Wave of happiness falls over me >The greatest ordeal men has experienced is over >Regain composure >Look at my artwork in the bowl >"Satisfied" >Flush it down >Toilet clogs

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Anon's dad is a prankster | /r/Greentext

File: 1636150337691.jpg (74 KB, 638x676) O Anonymous 12/10/21(Fri)09:43:19 No.868293266 Born to Fren ITT we post stories about in the army autism >be dad >there's this guy who always begs others for cigarettes >really annoying for everyone >one day >they find some unused ammo >idea.png >take it apart >put the gunpowder into a a c-------- >not enough to blast the guy's face off, but enough to leave a mark >put the gunpowder aroung the middle part of it so it doesn't blow up the second he lits it >guy comes in >asks for a c-------- >here_you_go_man.wav >everyone is watching him intensely >he doesn't suspect anything >he lits it and a few seconds after it a blinding light >like those old camera flashes that work with magnesium >the c-- blew >imagine some tom and jerry type of s---, the guy lost all his facial hair, excepta part of his eyebrow which was blocked by his nose >next day >dad asks him if he wants a c-- >hell no not from you jackasses >hfw mission passed

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Anon almost dies shitting | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/27/21(Wed)17:15:19 No.845914110 >taking massive s--- >coming out sideways >hurts like hell >feel and hear anus tearing >losing lots of blood >pass out from blood loss >wake up around 15 minutes later 52 KB PNG >go to wipe >cleanwipe.doc >no blood, no s--- >feel around a------ >someone sewn up my gaping wound and cleaned it >blood and s--- still in toilet Thank you mystery a------ mender, i am forever in your debt

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Greentext Stories - Anon’s dad teaches him a lesson | /r/Greentext

PROTIP: Press the ← and → keys to navigate the gallery, 'g' to view the gallery, or 'r' to view a random image.

>be me >26 y/o JIMAT >sitting in my room on a warm summer afternoon, chillin' >playing overwatch >hear my parents' room door open and shuffling downstairs 2009 2020 174 KB JPG >internet shuts off not long after >I was in a f------ comp match and probably lost tons of elo and have a quitting penalty >storm out of my room to investigate >dad is standing there with the modem >"Getting a job is all about being persistent and putting your game face on, Champ. You'll never reach the higher branch if you don't jump. During my senior year in high school, we were facing our cross-town rivals over at Allentown. They were the best team in the entire state, and they had this monster of a defensive end: Chet Anders. He was 6'5, 260 - or he was until I dove at his knees on a cut block and took him out. Sheer luck it took the paramedics a good 15 minutes to get him to stop screaming. I think he leapt off a bridge after Notre Dame yanked his scholarship offer. The point is that you've gotta crawl outta that thick shell of yours-" >d-dad just put the internet back on >"All you've gotta do is show up there and ask to speak with the manager. Stand up straight, look him in the eye, give him a firm handshake, and tell him you'll be the best hire they'll ever make. Ill drive you around town so you can try it out, and we're not turning back until someone hires you on the spot. That simple, Champ!"

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