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Mateus Lima

Mateus Lima • 14 days ago

March 2025

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O Anonymous 05/03/14(Sat)13:45:49 No.46503828 4SO20 siyounger sister decided to host a party for her 18th birthday on a Saturday when are parents aren't around >she's a litle "different", so I was worried no one would come >told me she gave out birthday invitations to all her classmates >the day of the swoet 16th >it's 6 in the evening >no one came >kapt my sister company while we ate Doritos in the empty decorated living roam >feel sad for her >decide to do something about it >caled all my friends to come downi to the house >toid them to bring all their other friends and bring a coupie snacks and drinks it's e at night >around 200 in qur house >people spilling out our antrance and back doors feels good man >Girl Talk's All Day booming arqund our house >random people jumping into and swimming in our home pool >friends do a huge Tug O War in the living room Prnd cups and skowers everywhere >irs fike a mini Project X party >it's 1 in the morning >l bririg the cake in for my sister >everyone sings her a happy birthday >aho looks to me and givon me the greatent hug I've ever had >l srnile ahe blows the cake and we continue partying Anonymous 05/03/14(Sat)13:47.29 No.46503859 >>46503828 (OP) >fhis didn't tun into an i----- story good job, OP, keep it legit.

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File: IMG_7592.jpg (926 KB, 1290x1402) Anonymous 04/01/25(Tue)14:00:41 No.933257456 What this retarded "April Fool's prank" has taught me: The right is correct. There needs to be borders. There needs to be containment zones. People from different countries (boards) are being flooded and forced into a singular one (America) that creates nothing but chaos and division. Nobody has any similar interest or cultures. You have anime posters and music posters fighting each other to dominate the discussion. You have p--- posters, gay posters, pro wrestling, biz, tv, and every other type of poster (immigrant) funneled into one place, that benefits absolutely no one at all. There is no mixing. There is no common group. There is simply chaos and fighting. Trump is right about immigration. >>933257842 # >>933257895 # >>933257973 # >>933257998 # >>933258201 # >>933258401 # >>933258403 # >>933258498 # >>933258875 # >>933258989 # >>933259013 # >>933259188 # >>933259216 # >>933259311 # >>933259387 # >>933259678 # >>933259683 # >>933260011 # >>933260075 # >>933260551 # >>933260614 # >>933260836 # >>933261302 # >>933261339 # >>933261554 # >>933262084 # >>933262387 # Anonymous (ID: QiPhnrTs) 04/02/25 (Wed)00:47:18 No.502086673 >>502086760 >>502086831 >>502086855 >>502086864 >>>502086891 >>502086894 >>502086971 >>502086974 >>502086985 >>502087260 >>502087424 >>502087425 >>502087988 >>502087992 >>502088064 >>502088159 >>502088214 >>502088250 >>502088256 >>502088278>>502088352 >>502088564 >>502088592 >>502088649 >>502088697 >>502088742 >>502088768 >>502088786 >>502088791 >>502088936 >>502088973 >>502089035 >>502089176 >>502089231 >>502089236 >>502089781 >>502089910 >>502090110 >>502090357 >>502091298 >>502091448 >>502091977 >>502092351 >>502092887 >>502092952 >>502093016 >>502093944 >>502094101 >>502094183 >>502094286 >>502094767 >>502095498 >>502098698 >>502098729 >>502098888 >>502098937 >>502099126 >>502099226 >>502099321 >>502099471 >>502100560 >>502100790 >>502101750 >>502101915 >>502102314 >>502102590 >>502102700 >>502102918 >>502103336 >>502103597 >>502103739 >>502104351 >>502104391 >>502104465 >>502106618 >>502107751 >>502107809 >>502108065 >>502108953 >>502109399 >>502109573 >>502109656 >>502110135 >>502110921 >>502114189 >>502116106 >>502116164 >>502116214 >>502116520 >april fools prank >accidentally redpill normies

Anonymous 03/26/25(Wed)15:10:18 No.706387552 resetera P EMULATORS DENUKO GAMES LAVE INDI to Ta 1741539654823.jpg 61 KB JPG Why are zoomers so anti-piracy? When I was growing up in the 90s and early 2000s, everyone pirated PC games. And it wasn't just games either. Even the most computer illiterate normies were pirating music and movies every day. Piracy was just an accepted normal fact of life. How did society become so cucked that everyone is afraid to pirate anything now and they'll willingly pay money for a copy of something that they can literally download for free?

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Anon takes the Jocko pill | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/22/20(Thu)19:06:17 No.16634747 >>16633841 (OP) # Wake up at 1am in the freezer Gargle piss Uncomfortable? Good. Listen to 5 self improvement podcasts at once as you drag a tyre to work 63 KB PNG Fire ants in a diaper to keep you going Ex wife calls Says you can't visit the kids this weekend Good. They only slow you down Get to work, gargle more pee Do work on Chinese keyboard Don't know Chinese? You will. Broken glass for lunch Boss comes in, says you're falling behind He doesn't understand He can't He isn't a wolf in this world of sheep Get hit by 3 cars on the way home while listening to audiobooks at 2x speed New record Legs broken? Good. Pass out on kitchen floor, roaches kissing you all over They understand the grind Set alarm for 1am and drift into a coma while listening to asmr

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Anon encounters a bitch | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/10/21(Fri)16:13:44 No.868331735 >be me >be interested in a girl >start taking to her on discord >ask her about her interests >think I am making progress >random says that I made her feel uncomfortable 104 KB PNG >say sorry >think that I am a bad person for making her feel bad >next day she says that she's not interested in me >ok np >fast forward a couple months >In class for final day of school >ask the whole group "what's the weirdest thing you have seen on the internet?“ >she says "anon" >calls me a creep in-front of everyone in class >apologize again for what I did >can't believe this is happened >mfw Why are people like this? If she said not to talk to her I would have stopped now everyone will think I am a creep and did some serious s--- to her.

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Anon is genius | /r/Greentext

| Anonymous 01/22/20(Wed)02:16:13 No.819003901 I just got released from prison. Four years. robbed a f------ bank but plead down to aggravated assault. Money's gone. F------ dye packs. Oh well, could have been 20 so no complaints. Now what do? Drive a truck? >>819004027 # >>819004077 # >>819004321 # >>819014798 # : Anonymous 01/22/20(Wed)02:26:13 No.819004321 >>819003901 # Here's what you do >start youtube channel >your very first video is going to be you sitting in front of a high quality camera looking presentable >half the screen is going to show a videogame >title of the youtube video: "REAL Bank Robber Critiques GTA5 Bank Heist Mission" >you're gonna commentate over the gta5 intro and say s--- like "yeah thats pretty realistic they'd have alarms like that" >pause the cutscene every now and then and say some s--- like "back when i hit the bank, the cops were on us much quicker than this, so im not sure this is entirely accurate" >your next videos are going to be you critiquing similar scenes from other games or movies >then your videos are going to be QandA about prison life >before you know it you're at 350k subs and growing and all you do is talk into a camera about prison >enjoy making more money than all of us

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Femanon kills incel | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/10/21(Fri)03:38:08 No.66499718 M-M-M-MONSTERKILL-KILL-KILL! >have rare bone marrow type Godlike! Epic win :P >agree to donate for a cancer patient >find out it's a male Ultrakill! Trololo xD "Le trole faic 1337 xD The cake >pull out at the last moment is a lie >he deteriorates and dies 441 KB PNG Granted he was only 12 but knowing he'd just be like any other entitled incel in her teens,I know I made a wise decision. : Anonymous 12/10/21(Fri)03:38:51 No.66499722 >>66499718 (OP)# >he'd just be like any other entitled incel in her teens >implying

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Anon likes motorcycles | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/10/21(Fri)00:07:07 No.66497741 >really want a motorcycle >Have no reason to buy one since public transport is decent here >Literally no financial reason to do SO >Still really want one >Already failed my driving test once 28 KB JPG since I'm f------ garbage >Gonna try it again in two weeks Driver anons, is it even worth it,? I feel like just giving up after failing something so simple >Pic related is what I would probably buy

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Anon’s dad teaches him a lesson | /r/Greentext

>be me >26 y/o JIMAT >sitting in my room on a warm summer afternoon, chillin' >playing overwatch >hear my parents' room door open and shuffling downstairs 2009 2020 174 KB JPG >internet shuts off not long after >I was in a f------ comp match and probably lost tons of elo and have a quitting penalty >storm out of my room to investigate >dad is standing there with the modem >"Getting a job is all about being persistent and putting your game face on, Champ. You'll never reach the higher branch if you don't jump. During my senior year in high school, we were facing our cross-town rivals over at Allentown. They were the best team in the entire state, and they had this monster of a defensive end: Chet Anders. He was 6'5, 260 - or he was until I dove at his knees on a cut block and took him out. Sheer luck it took the paramedics a good 15 minutes to get him to stop screaming. I think he leapt off a bridge after Notre Dame yanked his scholarship offer. The point is that you've gotta crawl outta that thick shell of yours-" >d-dad just put the internet back on >"All you've gotta do is show up there and ask to speak with the manager. Stand up straight, look him in the eye, give him a firm handshake, and tell him you'll be the best hire they'll ever make. Ill drive you around town so you can try it out, and we're not turning back until someone hires you on the spot. That simple, Champ!"

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Harry Potter and the Hangleton Globe Trotters | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/10/21(Fri)09:56:23 No.160408196 >>160407906 (OP) # Maybe if any of you actually read the books, you would know Hermoine was written as a black girl from the start. 241 KB JPG Deathly Hallows page 234 paragraph 3 and I quote.. >"Ron! Voldemort is getting away on his broomstick!". >"Oh No Harry! How are we going to catch him Ron replied. >Things looked dire indeed but just then Hermoine hollered at Harry and Ron from down the street. >"Yo crackers, I gots us some bikes now lets roll on that jive ass noseless m-----------!" >"Hermoine, where did you get these bicycles?" inquired Harry. >"Shieeeettttt.." replied Hermoine.

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Anon missing he’s wife (not really a greentext but still pretty good) | /r/Greentext

I miss my doll wife. Working out of state for long periods without her makes me want to quit. I wish I could take her with me everywhere instead of hidden away in my room. 294 KB JPG : Anonymous 12/09/21(Thu)19:48:41 No.868303899 >>868303797 (OP) # Sorry for your hard ship f----- I hope she stays faithful to you while you're 1.35 MB GIF gone >>868304058 # >>868304184 # >>868304211 # >>86 $04399 # : Anonymous 12/09/21 (Thu)19:51:35 No.868304058 >>868303899 # i laughed at this harder than i should have 72 KB PNG

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Anon had the best dad! | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous I had the best dad 12/15/18(Sat)19:08:31 No.49862882 > Be me > Years ago. Still in womb. > Hear dad whispering nice poems. > Gonnabeagoodlife.mp3 > Hear dad leave for work. > Hear mom invite over 'Tyrone' > Black hose starts knocking 285 KB JPG against my head. > Hear dad come back and cry. > Hear mom beg for forgiveness. > Says he's staying for me. > mfw I realize this wonderful man is going to get stuck with this thot because of me. > Cant let that happen. > Decide to poison her toth bloodstream > Gonnatakeyoudownwithme.divx > Hear dad in hospital say goodbye to me and mom. > Hear moms heart beat stop before mine does. Goodbye dad. You deserve a better life.

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Anon has a female coworker | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/09/21(Thu)20:44:26 No.868318684 >be me >have female coworker >one day she makes a joke about how nobody would want to impregnate her >complimentloading.wav >"I'd impregnate you" 28 KB JPG >she looks at me with a shocked look She hasn't talked to me since then. She doesn't even make eye contact. Was it really that bad? Maybe the compliment was in bad taste but it was still a compliment right? Also, how f----- am l if she tells HR? 7 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 12/09/21(Thu)20:53:09 No.868319098 >>868318956 # That is the most beta s--- l've ever heard.

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(Fem)anon is single | /r/Greentext

>be 6'3" lean educated with a good job with a 6.5/10 face >failure on tinder, bumble, hinge >W-- >create a femanon account to see what I'm up against Not to sound like an ass /b/ but I am 77 KB JPG definitely above average. Not top 10% but definitely in the top 25%. Makes no sense! >tell myself it's because I'm not white I. Smh racisssss >get ready to delete the account >hold on! I still remember the one time a girl complimented me. Feltsogoodman >stay on as femanon and match some kings to compliment them >tell them l'm not looking for anything so they shouldn't expect anything but compliment the f--- out of them I know I'm probably giving false hope to some but hope some dudes are feeling a little better about themselves. >inb4 gay

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anon likes ed sheeran | /r/Greentext

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Greentext Stories - Anon’s sister turns 16 | /r/Greentext

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O Anonymous 05/03/14(Sat)13:45:49 No.46503828 4SO20 siyounger sister decided to host a party for her 18th birthday on a Saturday when are parents aren't around >she's a litle "different", so I was worried no one would come >told me she gave out birthday invitations to all her classmates >the day of the swoet 16th >it's 6 in the evening >no one came >kapt my sister company while we ate Doritos in the empty decorated living roam >feel sad for her >decide to do something about it >caled all my friends to come downi to the house >toid them to bring all their other friends and bring a coupie snacks and drinks it's e at night >around 200 in qur house >people spilling out our antrance and back doors feels good man >Girl Talk's All Day booming arqund our house >random people jumping into and swimming in our home pool >friends do a huge Tug O War in the living room Prnd cups and skowers everywhere >irs fike a mini Project X party >it's 1 in the morning >l bririg the cake in for my sister >everyone sings her a happy birthday >aho looks to me and givon me the greatent hug I've ever had >l srnile ahe blows the cake and we continue partying Anonymous 05/03/14(Sat)13:47.29 No.46503859 >>46503828 (OP) >fhis didn't tun into an i----- story good job, OP, keep it legit.

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