Notes:

Ebay Link (Warning: related items are NSFW)
THIS IS IT FELLOW [Adults], him THE ULTIMATE [W1ld Pr1z3], THE [Golden Bird] WITH [Heaven's symbol enscribed into its] ASS.
SPANNING A [Tall] AND MADE OF REAL [yellow-bellied] METAL, THIS IS A [Faithful], [Large-Scale Recreation] OF THE BEST THING I EVER FOUND IN THE [Trash]
I CAN'T PUT A PRICE ON SUCH A PRICELESS OBJECT OF SENTIMENTAL VALUE!!! THEREFORE, I WILL LET [You guys] DECIDE THE PRICE BY [spending as much money as possible].
THAT'S RIGHT, [L@@K!] IT'S AN [Online auction] BABY ! GET OUT YOUR CYBER [skin wallets] AND GIVE ME THE [digits on the back] RIGHT NOW!!!
I CAN SEE YOU HESITATING. MAKING A [Guilt]Y FACE. WELL DON'T WORRY, TURN THAT FROWN [360 degrees and walk] CLOSER !!!! CLOSER !!!!
ALL THE MONEY WILL GO TO THE [Little guys] LIKE ME!!! THAT'S RIGHT, IT'S [Charidy]!!! SO [Harlin Shake] YOUR WALLET AND [#SPAMTONCHALLENGE] FOR THE KIDS!!!!