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: Anonymous 09/29/22(Thu)16:39:35 No.27402395 320 KB JPG >Be me >Mom made ravioli and garlic bread for dinner >We ate the ravioli and were stuffed >We forgot about the garlic bread. >Mom took some garlic bread, and I declined due to being full >I offered to put the rest of it away for her. She said I could put it in a plastic bag. >I put the bread in a gallon ziploc bag. Seal most of it. >I wrap the bag up most of the way. I want it to stay as fresh for as long as possible. >l attempt to air seal it as I put the unsealed part to my lips and take in deep breaths. >I loudly inhale air from the bag, and exhale a moment later. >My mom watches me as I do this. >We make eye contact as she just watches me. >She tells me I can just throw it out. >What did I do wrong guys? Why don't she want the garlic bread anymore?

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Inaqar 137 KB JPG land you protect 12/24/23(Sun)09:54:58 No.91319497 >skilled warriors seen as the main bulwark against dark forces >sons of powerful and intelligent beings of legend >follow the teachings of a golden, almighty Master who created the >sometimes have powers such as shooting fire, lighting, shockwaves, blasts of ice or energy >wield some of the most powerful weapons around >battle beastly green enemies, awakened soulless armies, spirits, undead, malicious versions of yourselves, daemonic forces, and the literal embodiments of evil >wear bright colors to sell plastic toys >be the Ninja from Lego Ninjago: Masters of Spinjitzu >pic unrelated

Anonymous 10/26/13(Sat) 19:06 No.215457549 File: 1382828761196.jpg-(42 KB, 480x480, 1353212900339.jpg) >My dads face when >"Well have fun" >leaves room >Playing Silent Hill 3 >at the end >dad walks in >"Hey son, what you playing?" >Heather regurgitates a fetus >the other girl picks it up and shoves in his mouth >"I WILL BIRTH THE GOD"

>she stops me, wants to roleplay >blindfolds me, we're playing doctor >kinky but okay >feel pressure around my ass >pull off blindfold 00 Anonymous (ID: zuq0 ITT: Weird sex experiences >be 22 >start dating blonde. 7/10 >shes quirky but fun > dat ass >second date >go to her place >shewantstheD.jpeg >go down on her >things are going well >crazy bitch is shoving 3-4 plastic horses into my a------ >she says my condition is "stable"

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Anon fucks a pack of chili powder | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 09/30/22(Fri)13:18:16 No.171597731 (215 KB, 512x512) File: 1663451377389939.png >be me >getting sleepy after lunch >proceed to get naked and roll around the bed while browsing /gif/ >sudden sting on my penis >its probably nothing >try to ignore the sting for a few minutes >now it feels like someone jammed a chili inside my urethra >finally inspect my jhonny >there is an actual piece of chili flakes in the urethra >what the actual f---

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Anon hates linux users | /r/Greentext

No. 87379666 7 minutes ago linux.png PNG 115.8 KiB 522x747 >so I decided to try this Linux thing >google "how to install linux" >apparently i have to choose a "distro" >google "best linux distros" >literally 8 to 10 recommendations every single time >might as well stick to the ones that are for beginners >google each one individually and discover that linux users s--- on every single one of them >"Ubuntu/Linux Mint/Fedora/elementary/Manjaro is trash, it breaks, it doesn't support [random word], [insert other distro] is better" etc >w-- is their problem >going to stick to windows because linux users are seething retards

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Anon is actually homosexual. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 49 KB JPG 07/20/22(Wed)05:44:27 No.69477659 >be me >live in a small appalachian mining town >regularly get f----- in the ass by miners >wait at the group shower for the miners to come after their shift is over >they regularly run a train on me until everyone has emptied a load inside >after they are done with me, everyone gives me a nickel or two >it aint honest work but its much and its a pleasure for everyone involved >today one of them brought this giant chunk of coal from the mine and shoved it right up my ass >the mine boss sometimes invites me in his office to suck him off, then shoves a few bucks in my ass >life is good

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anon is an old school gamer | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous ITT: Times video games got you(...) 41 KB JPG 07/07/17 (Fri)22:03:05 No.383137719 >be me innocent 6 year old >dad loved fps games >lets me play them because I did really well at school >played Wolfenstein 3D and Doom a lot because I loved the violence >loved the music in the games a lot but one specific song that stood out was the title theme for Wolfenstein 3D >used to hum that song all the time >fast forward 4 years in elementary school >still had the song stuck in my head >had this math exam I took in private because I was sick the day of the exam >only me and teacher in the room >the test was boring and monotonous so I started humming the Wolfenstein 3D title theme >teacher was visibly shocked and took me to the principal's office >teacher told the principal I was humming some Nazi song >had literally no idea the Wolfenstein 3D title theme was Horst Wessel Lied, Nazi Germany's national anthem >mfw both the teacher and the principal were Jews

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Anon, like all anons, is gay af | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous # 09/29/22(Thu)13:24:35 No.27798450 B16D0666-0C23-429A-9975-4CB395ECEEC1.jpg 66 KB JPG MENTESEO I feel like a double agent asking a girl on a date knowing full well I just jerked off to gay gangbangs the whole damn week.

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Allegedly former incel Anon is an asshole | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Found a new way to break incel(...) Are mong babae ALLE AN 754 KB JPG 09/28/22(Wed)16:28:41 No.886406302 >move in with cousin and his gf >uncle dies, cousin is depressed and distant from his gf >now's your chance >use cousin's unlocked phone to look up escort sites repeatedly >make some calls to them but do nothing >start hitting on his gf >when she calls you out tell her about your "cousin's" adultry >she checks his phone >breaks down and dumps her depressed boyfriend >be shoulder to cry on in bad times >profit : Anonymous >>886406302 (OP) # That is absolutely vile, holy f---. Poor guy. 09/28/22(Wed)16:41:01 No.886406775

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Anon talks about his first kiss | /r/Greentext

289 KB JPG 117 Replies / 20 Images : Anonymous ATENAME AND Tell me about your first kiss. MONSTER VINY >>64838764 (OP) # I guess I've been kissing my mother good night ever since I was a toddler 'til like age 16. No you normalfuck of course I never actually kissed. The KHHV thing isn't a meme, y'know. I try not to let it get to me because I'm in my early 20s but there's always that sliver of hopelessness hanging in the back telling me to prepare the wizard robe. 246 KB PNG View Thread 08/05/21(Thu)20:14:43 No.64845791

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anon concludes that traps are not gay | /r/Greentext

File: 20co4k.jpg (67 KB, 702x813) Anonymous 11/27/19(Wed)22:41:55 No.814985354 ► >>81 >be me >have doubts about sexuality >watch serious amount of trap hentai >wondering about if traps are really gay >think out a test >if liking traps make me gay, then i must also like gay p--- >bigbrain.png >go on gay section of pornhub >watch 3 videos in a row >not even a boner >mfw I confirmed that traps doesnt make you gay Anonymous 11/27/19(Wed)22:50:21 No.814985675 >>814985354 (OP) F------ f-----

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Anon gets lucky | /r/Greentext

5h (2/21 2:02) 589505954 JPG 13KB (525 × 584) 2 Replies >download rom >cmd opens up >several lines of code are inputted at FTL speeds >several error messages appear >screen flickers >pc locks up and ransomware screen appears >screen flickers and everything goes back to normal >custom error message appears >"just kidding :)" >game launches and runs normally :

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Anon gets trolled by based Aussies | /r/Greentext

12/06/17(Wed)22:41:21 No.152315696 fire.jpg 364 KB JPG >>152305387 (OP) # >1920 >be californian >get duped into buying Australian eucalyptus trees >plant thousands of acres >Australians forget to mention it takes at least 100 years for the trees to mature >thousands of investors go broke >2017 >100 years later eucalyptus trees have spread everywhere and have finally matured >Australians also forgot to mention the trees produce a highly flammable toxic oil that builds up in the tree >california burns down

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Anon shares his opinion on Reddit | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 23 KB JPG 05/02/19(Thu)15:00:09 No.52228531 >Decide to check out reddit to see if its as bad as everyone says >Go to the r/AmltheAsshole subreddit > First Post I see is of a some bitch getting pregnant at 17 wanting a abortion, boyfriend pleading her keep the child says he'll raise it <Child is born she starts saying 'I hAvE pTsD fRoM IT' What the f---? >Father raises child >ffw 12 years her daughter wants to meet her >Literally wants no contact >Straight up rejects her own child >Everyone cheering her on >Any people who disagree get downvoted into oblivion 22 Replies / 2 Images View Thread

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Anon has a dream | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 637 KB PNG >his name is Chaffeur >we communicate through hand signals and he understands very basic words >in dream, my house burns down >(dont worry about why, it was a seperate section of the dream unrelated) >i call out for help as I see chaffeur and his friends >he comes closer and signals "what's up" 09/29/22(Thu)15:38:35 No.70398860 >be me >in a dream >recently a helper-monkey has been popping up alot >i repeat his signals as to say "hey" >he looks at my house and signals >"have you got nothing left" >i nod my head in a melancholy way >chaffeur signals >"Don't be thinking about negativities" Comment too long. Click here to view the full text. 8 Replies / 5 Images : Anonymous >>70399188 # >>70399188 # View Thread 09/29/22(Thu)16:03:26 No.70399138 Anonymous >>70398860 (OP) # i like this dream i am going to incorporate it into my subconscious and hope chauffeur comes to greet me one night 09/29/22(Thu)16:04:50 No.70399155

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Greentext Stories - Anon Puts Away the Garlic Bread | /r/Greentext

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: Anonymous 09/29/22(Thu)16:39:35 No.27402395 320 KB JPG >Be me >Mom made ravioli and garlic bread for dinner >We ate the ravioli and were stuffed >We forgot about the garlic bread. >Mom took some garlic bread, and I declined due to being full >I offered to put the rest of it away for her. She said I could put it in a plastic bag. >I put the bread in a gallon ziploc bag. Seal most of it. >I wrap the bag up most of the way. I want it to stay as fresh for as long as possible. >l attempt to air seal it as I put the unsealed part to my lips and take in deep breaths. >I loudly inhale air from the bag, and exhale a moment later. >My mom watches me as I do this. >We make eye contact as she just watches me. >She tells me I can just throw it out. >What did I do wrong guys? Why don't she want the garlic bread anymore?

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