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Political Compass - I worked in Silicon Valley for 10 years. Here’s a 6x6 Compass of that wild ride. AMA | /r/PoliticalCompassMemes

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Left Simon: - - - Intentionally derails anything the Xi's are work- Cannot read a room Extremely combative Ashley (She/Her): Second hand to Raging Paige - Actually runs most of the programs and understands how to run a non-profit ing on Loves the Party but too afraid of the - Lethal debater, understands theory Hates CA politicians and thinks they need to do more — Boss making fun of him — - Got maced at a protest in Berkeley - Encyclopedic knowledge of GoT and Runs a non-profit that promotes inclusivity and racial injustice Has no chill, is literally p----- at the world - Hates men, hates cis white men more - LoTR Lives in Pleasanton Starts each board meeting with a pronoun and trigger recap which takes 15 minutes Once painted her face in period blood and called it art Lilly: - Graphic designer - Small t---- goth gf vibes Very progressive - Lives near SF State in a tiny studio - Only 5' but will throw hands with anyone The Party Compliance Dept They send me excel files with strange formatting requesting data Barb: Head HR at one of my companies Uses Latinx despite protests of other employees preferring Latino - Runs a bunch of popular seminars for BIPOC and women - Means well despite not seeing eye to eye with everyone - Ex Number 2: RAGING PAIGE Latina (me gusta) UI E 87 - Texte 72 MUNDU- e No idea what triggers them, but Mr Chan assures me its normal - COTHA-APELER - The instructions are in Mandarin and broken English Progressive Sassy and fiesty Speaks Spanish when angry Ex Number 1: - Alt chick with hella tattoos - - Disapproves of the tech scene due to it's contributions to income disparity - Doesn't work, blames society for this - 8 L ン一 HIG (F - - - Dedicated her life to teaching art and Spanish to low income kids - Put herself through college and grad school Trust fund kid Has three cats - Emotionally unstable - Has a banging body but is insecure - paints nails black Xiao: - 1st gen Chinese immigrant - Went to UC Berkeley - Rebels against her parents - Fav coworker ever Likes to gossip with the Mean Girls - Cries when drunk Jamie: - Also a graphic designer alongside Lilly Former GM Overwatch streamer - Very kind - Sadly dealt with workplace harrassment Shawn: - Masters in CS from Howard Lives in the Mission with his old college buddies Is an original employee, has stories from the early days - Stoner, blazed 24/7 - - Extremely chill - turned corporate raider Wears $5,000 outfits with LV heels daily - Extremely sharp - Smells really good Authoritarian - Absolute tyrant Former MS exec — — O Cold bitch - Creepy Girl: Never learned her name - - Also a Mormon; petitioned HR to remove coffee from kitchen Obsessed with the "old internet" Doesn't watch any movies or sports Sarah: - Went to SLO, is now a project manager - Just wants a normal paycheck, doesn't have a passion for tech - Takes Caltrain to her flat in Mountain View - Me: - Regret working in tech Should have taken a normal job The Big Lady - Slept with the Young CEO and convinced him to hire her as "a consultant" - Divorced 3 times Dissolved the - - - Will likely be subpoenad for one of the million illegal things I saw Berkeley Techie: - Isn't from Berkeley but acts like he's a Bay native - Afraid of Oakland ebike, barks at people to move Denies random expenses like a d--- F - Barges onto a crowded Bart train with his - extremely funny on Zoom calls hates the Feds Xiang and the Xi's Only one speaks English Somehow they are available 24/7 They can build a mobile app overnight with bare minimum specs Master at Salesforce Teaches people how They like to send me emojis and gifs without to use Excel, doesn't judge if you forget context(funny af) - Aggressively average at her job Dan: - remote worker, lives outside of Placerville to be closer to nature JOHN DEER - met him once at a holiday party and he brought weed from his own farm - used to work at SunMicroSystems - Hates Oracle with a passion, - knows kernel The Mean Girls: - Feed off office gossip and drama - "Omg like let's circleback and touchbase" - All went to UCLA or USC, sorority girls - - - Extremely overpaid for what they do Lowkey humping every sales bro They will blow you for coke - · - - - company and sold off the IP IL. IL. made millions Alex: Lied about his college degree in CS - Does database architecture - - . IL. Obsessed with Jamie but somehow hasn't been fired - They work on separate floors Is a pushover and has no spine Some lady from MS stole his company - Tried to launch a dog food drone Spends his money on OF Steals e-scooters, reprograms them, and harrasment suit (wildly inappropriate) gives them back to crackheads - Can drink anyone under the table delivery company after being fired Zack: - Made a stupid mobile game at 17 - Then wrote his own analytics software to capture in-game data for fun - Sold his stupid app for $25M when he turned 20 by the board - Regular drunk on Polk St - Got a US work visa w/o a sponsorship Bought a home on the NV side of Lake Tahoe so CA doesn't get his tax money Registers his cars in NV so he doesn't pay CA sales or reg tax The Snitch: - - Stickler for the rules - Thinks he understands policy - Thinks you are s--- at your job Libertarian The Young CEO Mikey: - Absolute clown but VCs gave him money - The American front for Mr Chan and - Went to Stanford business school runs all the VC firms for him FORTNITE The Vet: - Extremely obnoxious - Takes 4th of July very seriously - Feels out of place living in the Bay Area, lets everyone know this - Makes inappropriate jokes but only to other white men - Was in the USAF as a loadmaster but acts like it was a huge sacrifice - Lives in Walnut Creek Summer: - 100% Asian 100% American - High Octane chick Wore a lot of leather, swore like a sailor, didn't f--- around - left college and created an app worth millions - drinks and f---- - Sean: - No idea what he does but he knows everything; is involved in everything - Walking definition of a sexual 20 - - Was kicked out - of a club for climbing onto a bar and pulling his d--- out to dance - Makes emojis for Slack channels - Built "just a small house" in Los Gatos while his house in Atherton was being built - Loves money but loves his family more - His passive income is financing classic car restorations for auction Every single one is over 6' All D1 college athletes Entire sales floor smells like a frat house They pick fights with the sailors during Fleet Week - All of them live - together in the Marina - Insufferably Mormon - Literal gods at sales Somehow they work from sun up to sun down Have six kids each — - Single-handly responsible for 65% of all revenue Brad: - Sales Bros (Team West) Republican, lives in Piedmont - Calls black people "thugs" - Once reported Shawn to security, never apologized - ― Mr Chan (Big Boss) Made his fortune stealing IP - Talks mad s--- about the Party when stateside; knows how to play politics back in the Mainland - "Nobody forced you to take out student loans" Likely launders money through shell corporations - Denies being a billionaire but flies Xiang and the Xi's anywhere in the world on his private 767 Bought a building in SF for s---- and giggles, sold it at a loss for tax reasons - Dresses like Steve Jobs - Sales Bros (Team East) - Likes to party but can't hold his booze Spends all day in meetings - Extremely loud on the phone with leads - All lost money to crypto scams - Denizens of WSBs and talk about stock memes Day drinkers Right

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