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Anonymous (ID: UrMQWYMP >>426470532 05/09/23(Tue)16:38:52 No.426468891 >varsity chad >buddy takes me to see his gf >gf has friend there for me >stunning qt >>426464802 (OP) I'm unironically chad tier looks and have always been a super fit athlete with the mind of an autist >be me >haha anon, we'll leave you two alone >awkwardly sitting there in room with qt alone >aaaanon wut do you want to dooooo? She asks coyly >"t-t-there is something in your hair" I stutter out >WHAT IS IT!?! GET IT OUT!! >"it's a braid" I shout >tug her braid with all my strength >she falls down to floor >I run from the house and run the 5 miles back home as fast as I can >friend drives by my house >w-- anon! >>426469292 >never get invited to anything else >don't care >stay home and shoot squirrels with pellet gun by myself

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reddit greentext greentext memes 4chan 4chan memes /r/greentext

Origin Entry: Greentext Stories

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HOW IS YOUR NIGHT GOING /v/? Anonymous 10/11/09(Sun)18:34 No.39833040 Mine is doing good, I just sat down and cracked open a bear and about to play some TF2. Anonymous 10/11/09(Sun)18:35 No.39833090 You cracked open a bear? Anonymous 10/11/09(Sun)18:36 No.39833114 >Cracked open a bear Oh god what OP TF2 IS FOR CASUALS Crro Lack

Anonymous (ID: 31kpyf2g) I f------ hate these people 07/11/21(Sun)21:52:59 No.329597517 1d Amen. As a Democract, I worry about us allowing our cities to become wastelands of homeless drug addicts. I am excited to move out to the suburbs because at least life will be pleasant out there, even if I have to live amongst the Republicans. I want to be able to go for a walk without fear of attack. Do Democrats only care about the rights of antisocial drug addicted transients? I will never vote Republican, but I hate how us Dems don't have the courage to let the ends justify the means. 1625859701519m.jpg 110 KB JPG there is no political solution Anonymous (ID: ricZnDZD) >>329597517 (OP) # 07/11/21(Sun)21:55:23 No.329597743 >I recognize that my party doesn't have my best interests in mind >in fact, I can see that my party favors literal criminals over law abiding citizens >I have to literally pack my s--- up and move because my party ruined my home >I wont ever change the way I vote though Imao Democracy was a mistake >>329599805 # >>329600177 # >>329601081 #

34 KB JPG >Be born in 1949 >Don't have to fight in a war >Be 20 years old in time for the summer of '69 >Pick up some ridiculous 11/10 who's hitchhiking to Woodstock in my Plymouth Roadrunner I bought after working a summer job for a month >She's immediately into me because she's from a small town and I'm the only man in her life who's not her father or brother >Bring her home and marry her >Go to get a job, hired off the street with no experience and get trained >Buy 10 acres of land for less than what I make in a year >rent out my land for decades >retire and sit around house all day looking at my collection of boats and cars I never use Kids today just don't understand hard work and pulling themselves up by their bootstraps

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Anon's brother makes preparations | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 58 KB JPG 05/07/23(Sun)14:06:10 No.898871407 >Junior prom is coming up for my little bro >I saw him take a tape measure and a pair of pliers into his room >he said he was "penismaxing" Anonymous good for him, ask to see his gains 05/07/23(Sun)14:07:07 No.898871444

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Anon goes to Japan and doesn't leave the city | /r/Greentext

File: ED7D95DC-F9A3-4FDB-A9DF-3(...).jpg (17 KB, 289x163) Anonymous 05/09/23(Tue)01:56:59 No.181605042 ► >>181605143 >>181605147 >be me 8 years ago >14 years old >Dad takes me and my family to Japan >We go and see monuments and stuff >Dad keeps repeating "Don't get surprised anons. We have this stuff in Italy too" >Continue like this until the end of the trip >Kept bragging about we also have this stuff and that we have 70% of worlds history in our blood and country >Heard other Italians during the same trip saying the same as my dad Do stuff like this happend in your country?

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Trailer park politics | /r/Greentext

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M'GOODFELLAS | /r/Greentext

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO hbklb.jpg, 63KiB, 900x900 Anonymous Sat 25 Sep 2021 19:21:57 No.65520578 Report Quoted By: >>65521185 >>65521919 SP >time to collect protection tendies >waddle downstairs to where my mommy is "Well if it isn't my little mobster! I like your suit!" >"You know why I'm here mommy, where are today's tendies?" "Oh of course!" >be me >boss of the tendilini crime family >family consists of other good boys >extort tendies from our mommys >put on pinstripe suit >she goes into the kitchen and comes out with a hot plate of tendies just the way i like them >count the tendies to make sure she isnt trying to play me >1..2..3...the letter that comes after 5 >good enough >a week later i come downstairs to collect my daily tendies >counting tendies >123????? "I'm sorry, honey, but we're out of tendies. I'll go to the store tomorrow." >b-------, the bitch is lying to me >"IM THE BOSS OF THE TENDILINIS!! GIVE ME THE GOODS OR FEEL THE WRATH OF MY POOPOO PEE PEE!!" "That's no way to talk to your mother, mister. Go to your room." >have had enough of mommy >run out the door and to my safehouse (Pt. 1/2) SHBADDA BING View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO q17en3zu9tf31.jpg, 62KiB, 758x660 -BADDA BOOM Anonymous Sat 25 Sep 2021 20:19:37 No.65521185 Report Quoted By: >>65521919 >>65520578 (Pt. 2/2) >finally make it to the safehouse across the street >fellow good boy tendilini let me in >summon all other members of the family for a meeting >"mommy no give big boy his tendies....she no follow tendilini family rules...for that, she must be punished" >other good boys agree to help show mommy what happens to deadbeats who dont pay their dues >we prepare to dish out some punishment and the others hide in my bushes >i knock on the door and mommy answers "It wasn't okay of you to talk to me like that, but you've mostly been a good boy and I still owe you your tendies." >in her hands is a plate of golden tendies >with extra honey mussy >realize what the f--- ive done >turn around to the bushes to try and stop the boys but im too late >can only waddle away and watch as mommy is bombarded with balloons full of poo poo and pee pee >she slips and falls down on her head >hasnt moved for the past hour >mfw Tendies are tendies so I don't mind too much. I just wish she didn't have to do things the hard way all the time.

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Anon bought a cigar | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous I ain't even mad 112 KB JPG 05/09/23(Tue)20:46:31 No.898984965 I have found out how to disguise my autism >bought a cigar because I've wanted to try one >go to friends place to help him clean out his shed and set up an RV >decide that's the perfect time to try it >do a s----- job lighting it because I didn't buy a cigar cutter >it's burning unevenly, leaves fly into my mouth when I puff >after we finish up our chores friends wife leaves to pick up dinner >get a phone call from her after 3 minutes >mail lady is stuck next to a mailbox because dirt road >grab a shovel and tell friend to get 2 pieces of wood >walk there and talk with mail lady >she sees a guy with a cigar in one hand and a shovel in the other and figures "this guy knows what he's doing" >autistically fumble through the conversation >get her unstuck after about 3 minutes >she says "you're one of those no nonsense types aren't you? don't see guys like that so young" >she gets stuck again literally 20 feet away because she doesn't know to stay out of fluffy sand So the way I figure it, if you carry a cigar people are more likely to think you're not autistic but no nonsense. Just don't mind the cancer I guess View Thread

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Anon's trying to not get cucked | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous never realised how much of a c(...) 85 KB GIF 04/16/23(Sun)17:37:18 No.72973546 if i "finally manned up" and get a job my wife will talk to men online and irl. having a job seems fun and gives me time to interact with the outside world but i dont wanna come back home to a cheating bitch wife. how do i get over these thoughts?

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Indian anon snitches on girl | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/09/23(Tue)19:52:45 No.73258938 166 KB PNG >be me >Indian living in America >walk to the store >see girl from friends family >see she is with some White guy >they kiss >call my friend >tell him I saw his cousin kiss some cracker and the exact location >he calls his uncle and tells him what I told him >hear a week later that she is no longer allowed to leave the house >mfw I managed to get a w---- punished while still being able to pump and dump white girls

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Anon eats too many MREs. | /r/Greentext

□ Anonymous 01/23/15(Fri)09:46:08 No.594254957 ► >>594256064 >>594265026 File: 1419611651856.jpg (51 KB, 403x498) THOU HAS T'BE S------- ME >idgaf because it's summer and I'm hungry as f--- on a 12 hour shift >on the sixth day I feel a wall of dark matter slowly making its way through my intestines >I have fits of pain throughout the shift, having to take deep breathes on a knee >>594253241 (OP) >be me, stationed in korea >gotta eat MRE's during a week long exercise >MRE's are completely artificial foods with no exit strategy >Eat three of these bagged nasties a day. >Don't s--- once, I feel a malevolent mass slowly gaining power in my bowels >I've been adding hot sauce to them all for flavor >I break out into cold sweats, and I was sure I was hallucinating >The pain stops, but it's only a reprieve, the dark matter forces its way through my internal maze >I make it through the shift, I'm drinking liters of water, but I'm barely pissing it out >eventually make it to my dorm, I climb the steps of mordor in 40 lbs of chem gear □ Anonymous 01/23/15(Fri)09:56:07 No.594256064 ► >>594256742 >>594257588 >>594265026 >>594254957 cont. >I stumble at my door in a near comatose stupor when I suddenly feel it >My intestines begin to groan, with noises reminiscent of a dying grizzly bear >my blood shot eyes go wide open as my body switches to fight or flight mode >I fumble at the keypad in a near panic to get into my door >I forget the code several times over, once more and I get locked out >with a shaky finger I enter in a code in my delirious state, as if disarming a bomb >the door opens, and I thrust myself into my room >I rip off several layers of velcro'd chemical gear and my uniform in record speed >actually ripped the buttons of my ABU top, now completely soaked with cold sweat >break mach 3 as I sprint into the bathroom, I gave zero regard to my roommate who was in the other room >slam my ass so hard on the s------ I could've sworn I heard porcelain crack >I suddenly feel that great evil, pounding at my worn sphincter. >it didn't stand a chance, it was like a nuclear blast held back by a screen door □ Anonymous 01/23/15(Fri)10:11:54 No.594257588 ► >>594258274 >>594258747 >>594265026 >>594256064 cont. >Then the angels rip open the 6th seal in Revelations >I suddenly hear a noise, as if someone was ripping a waterlogged phonebook in two >I feel the vibrations through my ass and on the seat >I was genuinely concerned for its integrity >As if an iceberg is being forced through a penny sized hole, my a------ opens to sizes thought impossible >I feel the sharp edges of this monolithic s--- eviscerate my exit >l begin screaming as I shat out this white hot ingot >There was no effort on my part, something on the inside is making enough pressure to force the hyperdense material out >Perhaps this was the exotic material to bless humanity with warp speed >with what few nerve endings that weren't annihilated by the titan, I feel myself break past it's apex >I was almost in tears, dehydrated, and in relief for a brief instant, before I felt another great astrological force >the several liters of water I drank had cause so much pressure, it rocket the s--- out of my a------ like Mt. Vesuvius >I am literally lifted off the seat by the opposite reaction of this bullet train >a torrental waterfall of ass gas and unknown liquid pours out of me like a sheared fire hydrant >I feel the barometric pressure in the room change, I fear for tornadoes and lightening storms >My insides literally feel like they're emptying themselves out >Legitimately afraid I'll s--- out my rib cage due to the negative pressure >I black out, with the sounds of asswater smacking against the darkmatter □ Anonymous 01/23/15(Fri)10:24:25 No.594258747 >>594265026 File: 23456789583567.jpg (38 KB, 560x560) >>594257588 >>594259542 >>594259590 >>594260403 >>594260794 >>594261472 cont. >I come to about an hour later, by my roommate banging on the door >he's yelling about something, my 5 senses are slowly dragging themselves back into my conscious mind >"What the god damn f--- is that f------ smell jesus christ anon" >I barely register the word 'smell' before aforementioned hits me >It's as if someone stuffed a rotting corpse in a dumpster on a hot summer day >The shear potency was like a freight train, almost bring me back into unconsciousness >It was comparable to a mysterious death that leaped after me and struck me down >I compose myself and immediately begin dry heaving >there's literally nothing left in my system >it's in the bowl, as I realize this I stand up, feeling a noticeable draft up my a------ >no amount of s--- paper was gonna make a difference [Worried laughter] >I see a near football sized mass of hybrid material, jutting out from the bottom of the bowl >it's peak is risen well above the bodily fluid that had forced it out, the displacement had dangerously reached the edge >There was still steam, I ponder for it's uses as a geothermal energy source >I turn on the shower, I don't even bother to try flushing, it'd be as futile as a child moving a skyscraper >I curl up into a fetal position, and slowly s-- myself to sleep in the shower □ Anonymous 01/23/15(Fri)10:32:45 No.594259542 ► >>594259828 >>594259984 >>594265026 File: 1418621980295.png (514 KB, 520x678) >>594258747 Anyways, that's the end of that story. Remember kids. MRE's really suck Also I ended up having to actually take it out of the bowl and put it into like 6 plastic bags. Absolutely sure I could kill a man by swinging it at them in self defense. It'd be my faithful weapon of choice if the north attacked

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could it have saved her? | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 05/08/23 (Mon)14:14:56 No.30872778 OF RDT_20230508_1400484507889823752602641~2.jpg 56 KB JPG Could transition have saved her?

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Anon is inexperienced | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous It's over 537 KB PNG 05/09/23(Tue)14:39:05 No.73256047 >talk to cute girl at work >everything goes well >we have the same interests and laugh a lot together >topic switches to relationships >ohfuck.jpg >"when was your last relationship anon" >shook.jpg >dont know what to say >decide to tell the truth >"yeah I never really had one" >she starts laughing >doesnt believe me >I tell her that I am not joking >she continues laughing and tells me I am funny >"no seriously who was your last ex gf" >look her in the eyes >"I never had one" >she looks at me with a confused look >"ok" >we chat a little bit more and then go back to work >havent really spoken since that day except for greeting each other >she seems to avoid me now >mfw my inexperience at age 24 has cucked me

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Anon has gross friends | /r/Greentext

Anonymous Mansplaining to a transmale 147 KB PNG 05/08/23 (Mon)20:48:19 No.30872416 >Be me in high school >My friend group consisted of a bunch of disgusting degenerates (Including me) >All we talked about is m-----------, football, gay jokes with each other, scratching our balls and smelling our hands etc >We literally didn't care what people thought of us >Recently we found out that a girl in our class has transitioned to male >Everyone was shocked but I wasn't really bothered >One day me and my friends are having lunch >Having a conversation about the Packers recent f----up against the 49:ers >Suddenly transmale walks by >His bestfriend was sick that day so he was alone >My friend politely asks him if he wants to sit with us and he sits down next to me >We go back to eating again like f------ pigs >We chew with our mouths open >We loudly belch after every sip of our soda >Transmale tries to have small talk with us but it gets drenched out by our loud f------ chewing >One of my obese friends suddenly yells "BRACE FOR IMPACT!!" >He drops the most gut-wrenching, loudest brap I've ever heard in my entire f------ life >Everyone except the transmale laughs like wild animals and it reeks across the table, smelling like a rotting corpse >Transmale says nothing for the rest of the lunch and stares at us in complete horror It's been almost a year since I graduated and I still think about him to this day. Either we intrigued him or we scarred him for life. Anyways welcome to the male club, ya wee lad.

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Anon is literally gay and topped | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 62 KB JPG 05/08/23(Mon)06:17:38 No.898899766 >be me >23 >420lb tub of lard >live in car >hasn't had sex in 3 years >only gay because my d--- is 3 inches hard and inside me soft >get a hotel room and get on Grindr >new message from black 18 y/o >wants to come over, no questions asked >comes over 6/10 >no BBC >just average but that's okay >suck a little >f--- a little >goneinsixtyseconds >f---moan.mp3 >I s--- on him >w--.jpg >guess I'm that good >talk a little >round 2 >suck a little >slips out of my mouth and I scrape him with my teeth >want to die but we continue >for the rest of the bj he keeps reminding me not to use my teeth >back to booty >keeps slipping because he can't stay hard >finally going >he made me pay for his Uber ride home >pic mfw

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Greentext Stories - Anon is introduced to a stunning qt | /r/Greentext

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Anonymous (ID: UrMQWYMP >>426470532 05/09/23(Tue)16:38:52 No.426468891 >varsity chad >buddy takes me to see his gf >gf has friend there for me >stunning qt >>426464802 (OP) I'm unironically chad tier looks and have always been a super fit athlete with the mind of an autist >be me >haha anon, we'll leave you two alone >awkwardly sitting there in room with qt alone >aaaanon wut do you want to dooooo? She asks coyly >"t-t-there is something in your hair" I stutter out >WHAT IS IT!?! GET IT OUT!! >"it's a braid" I shout >tug her braid with all my strength >she falls down to floor >I run from the house and run the 5 miles back home as fast as I can >friend drives by my house >w-- anon! >>426469292 >never get invited to anything else >don't care >stay home and shoot squirrels with pellet gun by myself

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