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FBI 06/06/23(Tue)18:31:44 No.429676824 41 KB PNG >aliens exist >we have alien space craft >other nations have their own retrieval programs >we have documented evidence >but you cant see them due to national security >the only thing we will show you is granny black and white video that no one can tell whats actually going on What the f--- is going on?

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File: chainsaw man.jpg (100 KB, 1627x915) Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)07:55:42 No.252911844 ►>>252911908 >>252914188 >>252914377 >>252916077 >>252919346 >>252919475 >>252920429 >>252921191 W--? >> Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)07:58:52 No.252911908 ►>>252913869 >>252913951 >>252914028 File: 06467EB6-9CF5-49FC-84A4-5(...).jpg (599 KB, 2730x4096) >>252911844 (OP) Denji could've got laid. He f----- up bad.. Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)08:21:47 No.252912389 ► ok groomer Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)09:44:20 No.252913869 ▶>>252914047 >>252914093 >>252914100 >>252914125 >>252914134 >>252914294 >>252914315 >>252914527 >>252914536 >>252914582 >>252914605 >>252914643 >>252914670 >>252914680 >>252914780 >>252914811 >>252915009 >>252915019 >>252915216 >>252915260 >>252915280 >>252915315 >>252916087 >>252916275 >>252916436 >>252916516 >>252916539 >>252916565 >>252916569 >>252916574 >>252916659 >>252916737 >>252916787 >>252916802 >>252916842 >>252916974 >>252917020 >>252917066 >>252917095 >>252917156 >>252917166 >>252917201 >>252917265 >>252917325 >>252917490 >>252917497 >>252917507 >>252918071 >>252918109 >>252918460 >>252918543 >>252918601 >>252918806 >>252919082 >>252919137 >>252919328 >>252919382 >>252919432 >>>252919448 >>>252919457 >>252919510 >>252919544 >>252919551 >>252919576 >>252919615 >>252919616 >>252919650 >>252919702 >>252919759 >>252919779 >>252919804 >>252919882 >>252919944 >>252919980 >>252920003 >>252920030 >>252920106 >>252920276 >>252920335 >>252920347 >>252920412 >>252920415 >>252920494 >>252920535 >>252920577 >>252920610 >>252920647 >>252920712 >>252921030 >>252921081 >>252921110 >>252921138 >>252921146 >>252921257 >>252921392 >>252921415 >>252922113 >>252922329 >>252922635 >>252922833 >>252923296 >>252923418 >>252923492 >>252923792 >>252924120 >>252924150 >>252925598 >>252925778 >>252925795 >>252925980 >>252926106 >>252926146 >>252926234 >>252926278 >>252926350 >>252926563 >>252926620 >>252926624 >>252926689 >>252926756 >>252926764 >>252926876 >>252926911 >>252926918 >>252926925 >>252927034 >>252927073 >>252927110 >>252927127 >>252927301 >>252927310 >>252927461 >>252927677 >>252928003 >>252928114 >>252928431 >>252928442 >>252928498 >>252928709 >>252928848 >>252928958 >>252929393 >>252929964 >>252930095 >>252930514 >>252930728 >>252930740 >>252930886 >>252930911 >>252931013 >>252931111 >>252931128 >>252931382 >>252931493 >>252911908 losing your virginity to the office slut is like eating the last balloon at a wedding as in, only have you in if only one Donaustk € 12, kwĐH T• MAZD ALİH PF 12. Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)09:58:27 No.252914093 ► >>252913869 brother what Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)11:20:41 No.252915260▸ File: doomer Zoomer.png (802 KB, 720x720) Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)09:55:23 No.252914047 ► e: 1266667790002282.jpg (134 KB, 1234x521) >>252913869 >losing your virginity to the office slut is like eating the last balloon at a wedding as in, only have you in if only one >>252913869 Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)15:59:10 No.252920412 ► >>252913869 This is a certified 4chan moment Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)15:15:48 No.252919432 Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)12:57:35 No.252916842 ► e: b81.png (264 KB, 474x377) File: 1495908995260.jpg (78 KB, 1280×720) >>252913869 >>252913869 at last I truly see Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)13:25:28 No.252917325 ► File: i kneel.jpg (86 KB, 405x720) >>252913869 Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)12:47:49 N File: file.png (178 KB, 404x489) my f------ sides best post all day i kneel >>252913869 >t. Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)19:13:15 No.252927301 ► File: it's so over.png (816 KB, 1121x673) >>252913869 My sides Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)10:33:58 No.252914670 ► File: 1683785740614529.jpg (30 KB, 567x496) >>252913869 Damn, this post really mindbroken everyone Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)10:44:57 No.252914811 ► File: 1674008914715180.jpg (29 KB, 680x504) >>252913869 Never have I seen a sentiment conveyed through nonsense with such clarity before. A true modern poet. Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)15:27:55 No.252919702 ► File: 1235316161e7427.png (161 KB, 774x788) Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)18:43:30 No.252926278 ► >>252913869 ESLkun... >>252913869 >The most sane CSM fan Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)15:56:05 No.252920335 ►>>252920351 File: 1681220115757034.jpg (95 KB, 1200x1200) >>252913869 Anon bravely dying of a stroke to shitpost one last time. Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)15:30:34 No.252919759► File: 1667874544032923.png (42 KB, 289x256) >>252913869 XXXX Anonymous UCDAZZJIVYOCHT_42:16 No.2021 20224 IC: JUS_405_4.129 [12 <1, 300 Audinous 1024/2004; 004:20 > 2225 4000 desale Zaroor A 7841 IN It's because that man's arguments are so right that they leave no room for debate. Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)12:41:19 No.252916516 ► File: 1679679759269336.jpg (9 KB, 302x225) >>252913869 >thread doesnt eat their balloons at a wedding Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)17:24:07 No.252923296▸ File: 1682955308164217.jpg (85 KB, 415x375) >>252913869 I HATE THIS i am extreme dissapoint *forced smile Are you allright anon? Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)17:26:44 No.252923418 ► File: Interrogation_mark.jpg (266 KB, 659x932) >>252913869 Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)11:33:23 No.252915435 ►>>252916020 >>252916057 >>252926173 I just want to know who in the hell eats balloons Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)15:20:59 No.252919551► e: 1683274551527799.jpg (22 KB, 800x450) Neory BonCINII VA; CDT > < = >>252913869 >only have you in if only one Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)16:26:01 No.252921146 ► 4148bc178917d22bf0a75c7d3(...).png (2.97 MB, 2508x3541) >>252913869 This feels like an eldritch being is trying to communicate and spread its wisdom on thots. Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)18:51:26 No.252926563 ► File: 1628025425644.png (86 KB, 250x250) >>252913869 Holy f--- I missed these kind of posts. Thanks anon. "cb1100 "PRETEND" ? Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)19:06:55 No.252927073 ► File: 1616620564086.png (506 KB, 709x708) He is speaking the language of gods. >>252913869 beautiful I-I DON'T KNOW! JUST... PRETEND TO BE RETARDED OR SOMETHING! Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)16:06:02 No.252920577 ►>>252920932 >>252913869 Confused reaction image farmpost Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)17:36:25 No.252923792 ► File: 1680879053748926.jpg (87 KB, 644x954) >>252913869 Funniest s--- ive all week Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)16:02:20 No. File: 1647832313112.png (236 KB, 405x560) >>252913869 We got it all wrong. Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)12:55:51 No.252916802 ► File: 1676938237963971.jpg (285 KB, 1711x1108) >>252913869 put me in the screenie weenie

Inaqar 137 KB JPG land you protect 12/24/23(Sun)09:54:58 No.91319497 >skilled warriors seen as the main bulwark against dark forces >sons of powerful and intelligent beings of legend >follow the teachings of a golden, almighty Master who created the >sometimes have powers such as shooting fire, lighting, shockwaves, blasts of ice or energy >wield some of the most powerful weapons around >battle beastly green enemies, awakened soulless armies, spirits, undead, malicious versions of yourselves, daemonic forces, and the literal embodiments of evil >wear bright colors to sell plastic toys >be the Ninja from Lego Ninjago: Masters of Spinjitzu >pic unrelated

Anonymous 10/26/13(Sat) 19:06 No.215457549 File: 1382828761196.jpg-(42 KB, 480x480, 1353212900339.jpg) >My dads face when >"Well have fun" >leaves room >Playing Silent Hill 3 >at the end >dad walks in >"Hey son, what you playing?" >Heather regurgitates a fetus >the other girl picks it up and shoves in his mouth >"I WILL BIRTH THE GOD"

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Anon discovers the transformative power of Wendy's Baconator | /r/Greentext

File: Screenshot 2023-06-06 at (...).png (1.27 MB, 1030x812) Wendy's regular became my lover and then left me Anonymous 06/06/23(Tue)15:14:33 No.29087923 >>29087956 >>29088154 how do I get her back? >be me >work at Wendy's >regular named Mark comes in on most weekdays at lunch wearing a red shirt and jeans and orders the same thing, been making this for years. >curry bean burger, plain baked potato, medium Fanta >no one and I mean NO ONE else orders the curry bean burger >we are friends now. He calls me "my man" and asks me how my day is going all the time. I give him his food and call him "my man" >2 months ago, he comes in, and we are out of stock on the curry bean burger >I ask if he would like a baconator instead and offer it to him for free. Tell him it's my favorite thing on the menu >he accepts and tells me it's the first non-vegetarian thing he's eaten in 10 years, but he will do it for me >woman the same height as Mark comes in the next day, wearing red shirt and jeans. Looks exactly like Mark >orders a baconator, asks me how my day is, calls me "my man" >baconator is ready, about to give it to fe-Mark, f--- what do I say when I give it to her? >"my woman, here is your burger" >fe-Mark thanks me, stares into my eyes lovingly, tells me she is Mary now >get off my shift, see Mary standing in the parking lot waiting for me >Mary asks me on a date, I accept >we get along, move in together, Mary explains how eating the baconator changed her perspective on everything, made her want to change everything >we are getting engaged >come home from work and Mary is gone. Note on the counter says she went back to eating curry bean burgers >"thanks for everything, my man"- signed, "Mark" MARY PLEASE COME HOME

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Anon asks how based a dog can be | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/06/23(Tue)16:53:23 No.73583976 20230606_164819.jpg 287 KB JPG >Some n----- breaks into home in Georgia >Gets maul to death by 2 shitbulls. >Owner comes home to find stupid jig dead on his floor. >Dogs and owner aren't punished by the powers that be. Based and redpilled shitbulls? : Anonymous 06/06/23(Tue)16:55:58 No.73584007 >>73583976 (OP) # based but shitbulls still cringe

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Anon is Pipe Boy | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 06/06/23(Tue)07:50:47 No.186023970 >>186024027 >>186025324>>186025524 >>186025945 >>186027154 I've been in a situation quite similar to this as the "host". >be overgrown, gullible teenager that has just moved to a s----- little house in the suburbs >in my weed phase and smoke everyday by myself >out walking during a summer night >meet a dude who is dancing by a bus stop and start chatting >seems nice, very intelligent and open to whatever life has to offer >one thing leads to another and I invite him to my home to smoke some more >we get home and vape >sitting at my kitchen table just shooting s--- and sharing whatever >all is fine but he starts getting a bit weird, insinuating sexual stuff and energy changes completely >i try to just laugh it off and play it cool, saying i'm flattered but ain't gay >he keeps pushing and at one point he looks me square in the eyes and says "If I want to, I will... and I wanna.." >then he gives me this f------ disgusting, deviant grin >l instinctively jump away from the table, rush to my door where there's a basket with umbrellas, random sticks and a heavy copper pipe >grab pipe, open my door and scream at him to get out >he just f------ sits there still grinning >i repeat "GET THE F--- OUT OR I'M GONNA F------ BEAT YOU" >he sighs, nods while putting his hands up in the air, slams them on the table and says "Fine..", chuckles and stands up >i'm still holding the pipe and back away from him as he walks towards the door >walk out, but right after he passes the threshold and I approach to close the door, he turns and says "Good thing you had that lil' pipe there, boy... *sizes me up* See ya around.. Pipe Boy" >slam the door on him >look through my window at him walking away >he turns, looks at me and blows me a kiss >I shout "F--- OFF, F--" and shake my pipe menacingly >he gives a high-pitched laugh and jogs off with his hands raised, then resumes walking a normal pace, turns a corner >never see him again I still have that copper pipe (I call it Copper) as a reminder not to be moronically naive and as a means for protection.

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Gigabased Grandpa makes the most out of his last years. | /r/Greentext

Board /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 Is my grandpa retarded or based? : An Is my grandpa retarded or base(...) 381 KB PNG Settings Mobile Home 06/06/23(Tue)14:03:39 No.73579307 > be me > got a granddad who's approaching 80 > was visiting his house last week after uni as he lives close > grandpa type of guy who smokes cigarettes indoors > I enter his house > entire place smelled not of cigarettes but of g---- > not even trying to hide it > walk into the living room > see him in his big fat recliner > smoking a fat one > watching the news > just living his best life > "Hey Anon! How was school?" > asks if I want to try > surprisingly good weed > eventually I asked him why he's just casually doing drugs > he says something among the lines of: > I'm gonna die in like 2 or so years anyway so might as well > fair enough > apparently he's been at it for a solid month or so > apparently he is also planning to try stronger stuff later on > I go to his kitchen to grab a glass bottle of soda > decide to peek into his medicine cabinet out of curiosity > apart from his regular medication and a bag of weed dude's sitting on a few tabs of acid, small bag of powder, colourful pills, less colourful pills, and some sort of crystals (MDMA maybe?) > return home later that night > scolded by parents for smelling like skunk weed > you should stop hanging out with your friend Martin he's no good for you blah blah blah > they don't know > will defo visit based grandpa this week as well, might even bring pizza The part that puzzles me the most is that I have no idea of how he managed to get ahold of all this s---. Like I barely know any dealers, and I strongly doubt he's sitting on dark web marketplaces ordering with with bitcoin and stuff.

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You just answered your question anon | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous why cant i find gf? 704 KB PNG 05/13/23(Sat)12:26:41 No.73299526 i dont know why i cant find a gf. i shuck oysters for a living, making 13 dollars an hour at a hotel restaurant. i am an alcoholic and a drug addict. i am 100 pounds overweight. my d--- is almost a micro penis. my favorite movie is taxi driver. i should be a catch, right

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Anon is one of us | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Everything in this world is a (...) 06/06/23(Tue)16:11:23 No.900511066 img.png 9 KB PNG >bored of games >decide to browse 4chan >see a funny greentext >steal it and post it on my reddit >karma galore How does it feel to be part of my game /b/?

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Anon is Chinese | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: 6vAEaMyU HERE 06/06/23(Tue)21:07:47 No.429618980 >>429617966 (OP) # >wake up >be Chinese >turn on Glorious Republic's local news >that girl I liked was eaten by an 1.39 MB WEBM escalator yesterday >eat my breakfast rat and head for work >train I was on derailed, killing 12,000 >crawl from wreckage and make it to factory >I was 0.3 minutes late >my social credit score has been lowered, will receive visit from my local beating police tonight >start day printing bootleg Ben 10 merchandise stolen from stupid white pigs on the internet >3 dozen co-workers died horribly, including my neighbors in s----- cramped apartment >days over, head home >2 semis with tankers of gas tipped over, destroying the highway and killing 1,456 >kick unsupervised toddler >finally make it home after stepping over a corpse in front of my apartment >eat the rest of that cat I fried for dinner last night >hop on the internet to the incredibly narrow list of government-approved websites >defend China as the greatest country on Earth

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Anon gets his hair cut | /r/Greentext

file.png (318 KB, 1920x1210) google yandex iqdb wait BARBER SHOP Anonymous 06/06/23(Tue)11:14:01 No.73580735 >Always go to the same lady at the barber shop, let's call her "Alice" >Alice is always extremely nice to me, she is actually someone I look forward to meeting, which I can't say for the majority of people I interact with >She always seems genuinely interested in what I have to say and small talk is easy with her when she's cutting my hair, rather than awkward like it is with everyone else >I keep my hair really short, so I go every two weeks or so and it only costs me 15 bucks >Always tip her 5 bucks, which I though was good because it's 33% >Today, I got my hair cut, everything was great as always, except when it was done and I went to hand her the tip, she gives me this weird look and says "Anon, am I doing something wrong?" >I am taken aback and don't know what to say. Just stare at her with probably a stupid look on my face and still holding out my 5 dollar bill >She takes the bill and says "It's always just this, huh?" >I feel shocked when I realize she's saying I'm not a good tipper, I instantly pull out another 5 dollar bill and hand it over, saying "I'm so sorry" >She takes that too and smiles brightly at me, a gleaming smile that makes me feel a little dizzy >She says "Thanks! See you next time!" >Go to the front desk to pay for the cut itself, don't even hear what that cashier is saying as she swipes my card because I'm so confused by what just happened >Walk out the door, feeling a little nauseous Is 66% tip normal if it's a girl who always cuts your hair and is nice to you?

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Anon crafts an exquisite sandwich. | /r/Greentext

File: 1391575644227.jpg-(13 KB, 332x152, lolsubway.jpg) SUBWAY eat fresh: Anonymous 02/04/14(Tue)23:47:24 UTC-5 No.530855814 Gimme some awesome subs Anonymous 02/04/14(Tue)23:50:39 UTC-5 No.530856360 >cold cut >no bread >no cheese >toasted (double toasted thankyou very much) >all veggies >extra sub sauce >a fly just landed on it, throw it out, i'm not hungry anymore Anonymous 02/05/14(Wed)00:02:10 UTC-5 No.530858462 >Ask for the hearty italian >When he asks you what you want on it, start at him blankly >Deny all offered toppings and condiments >Get it toasted, no cheese >Ask for a discount due to the lack of toppings >Claim that you know the manager personally >Ask them to put it on 3 on the microwave, claim that you order this regularly in other stores >Bread will be almost burnt, and red hot to the touch >Right before this abomination gets sold, request oil >F------. Smother. It. >Place heavily oiled "hearty" Italian abortion under the drink refills >Drown it with Fanta until someone stops you >Never return

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Yeah how about we don't do that to people | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 123 KB JPG 05/04/23(Thu)16:18:02 No.30818104 >doctor refuses to prescribe me a mammogram even though I have a lump in my chest unless i can prove I was born female as they dont do mammograms on males at this hospital What the f--- is wrong with america Anonymous 05/04/23(Thu)16:26:45 No.30818245 nocap I had a similar thing happen to me, I had a UTI and one place said "umm we only treat those for women" and I had to go to another place where I told them very clearly that I was pissing blood and in pain and definitely had a UTI, they told me "you probably have an STD, men rarely get those" (on questionaire I told them I don't engage in sexual activity) but did tests and said yes, I did have a UTI 05/04/23(Thu)16:28:26 No.30818263 Anonymous >>30818104 (OP) # most physicians are helplessly obedient to their doctrines, regardless of the reality infront of them. the others tend to be malicious. : Anonymous 05/04/23(Thu)16:29:02 No.30818271 atleast you getting validation in the fact that the healthcare system doesn't take women seriously at all ever

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Anon gets dating advice | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/06/23(Tue)15:31:15 No.900509422 FvUAIrcXsAAOXHL.jpg 23 KB JPG >be me. >texting girl. >no idea how to talk to girls >she is venting to me about her being jealous about her friend. >have no idea how to respond. >she notices and is getting silently annoyed. >idea.jpg >start using chatgpt to respond. >mfw it works. Even an Al is better at talking to girls then me.

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Anon is based and gun-pilled | /r/Greentext

No. 45999125 2 days ago >>45999051 Something similar has happened to me a few times >At friends apartment at college. Just bought my first pistol from a gun show (I was 18) >Drinking with friends >Show them my new Jericho >Try to manually decock >Thumb slips on hammer, ND into celling >Upstairs neighbors too high and drunk (underage and illegal drugs) to call the police. Second time >At range >Showing friend pistol >Think gun is unloaded >Point at ground show him how to wrack and pull the trigger. >Forgot loaded mag in >Shoot between his feet Third time >At parents house. >Just bought a sig from a guy >Get home >Try swapping slides with another sig I had >Forgot the other sig slide was chambered. >Pull trigger >Shoot parents wall Fourth time >At my new house >Playing with a friend's 5.56 AK >Release bolt Slam fires round into ground Fith time >Showing a friend how to use it >No idea how but a round got chambered >Show him how the trigger works, >Pull trigger >Shoots round into floor in the same place as before Sixth time >Thought maybe the house was haunted >Grab a sig >Physically clear it, (racked the slide 3 times) with no magazine in > pull trigger at the same hole >Round goes off Seventh time >Friend brings over a used Glock wants me to look over it >I grab it and pull the trigger without clearing it >Didn't even realize the thing was loaded. Eighth time >Friend brings over his transferable Mac 10 >I had no idea how open bolt guns worked. >He's showing it off to me >I put a loaded mag it and decided to try and release the bolt (1 thought it shot from a closed bolt) >Pulled the trigger for some reason >Shot 3 rounds into my wall ... Overall you shouldn't feel too bad about NDs. It's part of owning guns, and you should get used to them. 15 replies

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Greentext Stories - UFO real or psyop | /r/Greentext

PROTIP: Press the ← and → keys to navigate the gallery, 'g' to view the gallery, or 'r' to view a random image.

FBI 06/06/23(Tue)18:31:44 No.429676824 41 KB PNG >aliens exist >we have alien space craft >other nations have their own retrieval programs >we have documented evidence >but you cant see them due to national security >the only thing we will show you is granny black and white video that no one can tell whats actually going on What the f--- is going on?

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