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About two months into being gone from the internet, I began wishing I would be killed. I didn't want to do it myself any more, but I felt like it would bring an end to my suffering, that I could rest easy believing that. I felt like without my ability to entertain, I had no place in the world. Seeking healthcare where I was staying was difficult, my condition was worsening, and I realized I needed to come home. A lot of you may live in places where this isn't a problem, but the added stress of tremendous medical bills didn't help my health either. Sadly, this meant my partner and I couldn't see each other for a long time. We're long-distance and this situation was so taxing on her health that she needed a medical leave from work. All of this broke right at the start of a visit from my girlfriend. This trip was meant to be extra-special because we were one day away from getting on a plane to go on vacation where she would have met all of my friends for the first time, and this was to be the trip where we would have figured out our long term future living together. Instead, I spent half of the visit preparing a statement and the other half in a mental ward while she sat home alone with my friend Tim. I didn't even get to say goodbye because I was still in hospital when she flew home and was forcibly placed in a ward with no visitors. This meant she used up all her vacation time on a trip where I didn't get to see her. Once I needed to come home from seeing her, we didn't know when we could meet again. It's been hard when we were used to visiting often before and had a whole visit taken away from us at the last second. The timing of this could not have been worse. It's actually kept me from seeing the person I love. I still don't know when I can see her again.

Chuggaaconroy "How I've Been" 2


Uploaded by Phillip Hamilton Apr 17, 2024 at 11:01AM EDT

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Origin Entry: Chuggaaconroy Foot Fetish / Sexual Harassment Allegations

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After communicating with Emile, we would like this message out there. Yes, Emile and I were engaged. Keeping it private was a mutual decision, especially through the first several years. After that, when Emile expressed interest in becoming public, I was hesitant because of how much social pressure was already put on our relationship. He was respectful of that, and we proceeded with the status quo. We do not condone the harassment of any party, and the omission was an effort to prevent speculation about our now very separate personal lives. Ultimately it was a personal matter and a joint decision between two adults. I would like to reiterate that my objective with my previous post was just to be left alone, and that has not changed. I was being asked a lot of invasive questions with increasing frequency, as I'm sure Emile has as well. We do not want to be associated, we do not want to hear of each other moving forward- a mutual sentiment as our paths are now completely separate and we want to move on with our lives. Although I cannot be a part of his journey, I wish Emile luck on his healing and his path forward.
Regardless of my clarifications and context, I definitely still made mistakes and learned lessons, as well as learned new things about how my mind works. I don't want to get carried away and make it sound like I'm 100% blameless. I needed psychiatric help for my depression and roleplay behavior. I took your criticism of my person seriously and am forever working every day to ensure nothing like this could ever happen again. It will not happen again. I'm a fan of numbers, so let me show you. Since privately confronted about this, I: •Saw my therapist 6 times before anything was made public. •Completed 11 behavioral health sessions with a psychologist. Continuing to do so for the foreseeable future. •Spent 5 nights in a mental ward and have met with my doctors twice since then. •Read numerous medical articles to understand my conditions better and how to avoid mistakes. •Have never missed a dosage of 4 medications and supplements that better regulate my brain activity. •Have not ever wanted to roleplay again. •Feel more self-aware and cognizant than at any point in my life up to this point. I can be absolutely certain I would never disappoint you like this again. And I say that knowing you will hold me to a higher standard than ever. I have and always will continue to give it my all in the psychiatric help I sought out. In my mind, nothing after my apology changed that I meant every word and was already in the process of making good on all of this. Months before anything went public. Some of these, I learned and grew from many years ago. I would have been here to tell you this sooner had my mental trauma not kept me from it. I needed to heal.
Moving Forward I'd like to make an ode to my friends. Several reached out the night I came home from the hospital. They didn't want me to be alone and still believed I was a good person. Heck, I think some of you believed I was more innocent than I did. It took me a while to see this your way. I love all of you, my friends. Even if you were critical of me, I cannot bring myself to not love you. Some of it was things I already agreed with, some of it was things I needed to hear. And some of it was telling me this wasn't as bad as I thought. I want to thank my best friend Tim/NintendoCapriSun. He handled so many decisions in all of this for me when I was not well enough to make them for myself. He cooked for me every day when I wasn't allowed near the knives. I think you really saved me. Please support him with all you can. I didn't say this last time. I'm so sorry for all the heartache and worry I caused my friends and caused you. I worked hard every day to make sure I would never make you feel like this again and could be dependable once more. I really didn't mean to do harm here, and feel I've learned about myself in ways I didn't know I needed to. These are positive things.
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Uploaded Apr 17, 2024 at 11:01AM EDT

Origin Entry

Chuggaaconroy Foot Fetish / Sexual Harassment Allegations

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chugga allegations, chugga, lady emily chuggaaconroy

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