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File: Cat and dog.png (167 KB, 296x300) >They arrest the guy Anonymous (ID: w7iklM6K) 08/06/14(Wed)13:25:02 No.560918306 >Be living with myself and my two pets, a cat and a dog >Dog barks at everything and cat never gives a f--- about anything or anyone >Be asleep >Hear my dog barking >notagain.jpeg >He shuts up after 30 seconds >I try to fall asleep again >After two minutes my dog start barking again like crazy >I go down to tell him to shut up >When I get down there is a freaking burglar on the bookshelf >Ski mask and all >On the floor lies a gun >Beneath bookshelf is my dog barking and jumping up after him >On the couch sits my cat looking like he found my tuna stash >I call the police > I give my dog a sausage for being a good guard dog >A couple of days later a guy calls from the station >During the interrogation the burglar admitted that he broke into my house, kicked my cat and lured my dog into a closet >My dog jumped him two minutes later >The burglar didn't know my dog can open doors >He can't >My cat being "f--- everyone else"-king of the house can though >Taught himself so he can come and go as he please >My cat must had become p----- and released my dog so he could attack the burglar >MFW my cat is a d--- >MFW I added animal cruelty to the charges

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reddit greentext greentext memes 4chan 4chan memes /r/greentext

Origin Entry: Greentext Stories

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Inaqar 137 KB JPG land you protect 12/24/23(Sun)09:54:58 No.91319497 >skilled warriors seen as the main bulwark against dark forces >sons of powerful and intelligent beings of legend >follow the teachings of a golden, almighty Master who created the >sometimes have powers such as shooting fire, lighting, shockwaves, blasts of ice or energy >wield some of the most powerful weapons around >battle beastly green enemies, awakened soulless armies, spirits, undead, malicious versions of yourselves, daemonic forces, and the literal embodiments of evil >wear bright colors to sell plastic toys >be the Ninja from Lego Ninjago: Masters of Spinjitzu >pic unrelated

Anonymous 10/26/13(Sat) 19:06 No.215457549 File: 1382828761196.jpg-(42 KB, 480x480, 1353212900339.jpg) >My dads face when >"Well have fun" >leaves room >Playing Silent Hill 3 >at the end >dad walks in >"Hey son, what you playing?" >Heather regurgitates a fetus >the other girl picks it up and shoves in his mouth >"I WILL BIRTH THE GOD"

>she stops me, wants to roleplay >blindfolds me, we're playing doctor >kinky but okay >feel pressure around my ass >pull off blindfold 00 Anonymous (ID: zuq0 ITT: Weird sex experiences >be 22 >start dating blonde. 7/10 >shes quirky but fun > dat ass >second date >go to her place >shewantstheD.jpeg >go down on her >things are going well >crazy bitch is shoving 3-4 plastic horses into my a------ >she says my condition is "stable"

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Anon is Italian | /r/Greentext

650x813, sads.jpg) Anonymous (ID: Z/jgpDx3) 11/09/12(Fri)17:58:20 No.435969427 Replies: >>435971345 >>435971635 >>435971949 >>435972123 >>435972254 >>435972291 >>435972559 >>435972704 >>435973158 >>435973159 >>435973326 >>435973549 >>435973950 >>435974179 >>435974538 >>435974676 >>435975137 >>435975236 >>435975307 >>435975408 >>435975448 >>435975862 >>435975875 >>435975909 >>435975973 >gf is prego >we like to get kinky anyways >one night things get particularly saucy >i'm sticking my noodle in her when I notice weird f------ chunks coming out, so I turn on the lights >w-- it's red everywhere and she's obviously not on her period >i look up at her, she's got a glassy, jarred look on her face and she's not answering >ohshitohshitohshitohshit >i rush her into my car and speed all the way to the hospital >she's still bleeding everywhere >by the time we get there, she's not bleeding much more, but all color has drained and she looks colorless and almost transparent >oh s---, she looks like she's in a vegetative state >storm into to the emergency room, carry her to the nearest doctor and explain everything >he takes one look at her and says >"sir, i'm sorry, there's nothing we can do" >"WHY THE F--- NOT???" >"we don't operate on empty jars of spaghetti sauce" >mfw

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Imagine a world where anon imagines being successful | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 06/08/24(Sat)00:55:07 No.77760580 >imagine their wor the s------ >pop a massive erection Every time. Lots of ppl do this right?

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What was the thought process here? | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: CYWRJ8ml) → 06/07/24(Fri)18:32:42 No.470481166 54 KB JPG ALEX JONES >spreads lies about the families of the victims of the Sandy Hook Massacre >gets sued by them >loses >"I'M BEING PERSECUTED!" What the f--- is his problem?

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anon dominates nature | /r/Greentext

☐ Anonymous 06/08/24(Sat)00:55:07 No.77760580 ► >see anthill >stomp it hard >warrior ants deployed en masse >massacre their army >imagine the terror of the s------ and worker ants in the city below >their world literally collapsing before their eyes >pop a massive erection Every time. Lots of ppl do this right?

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Headlights in The Darkness | /r/Greentext

Board /bant/ - International/Random Anonymous (ID: XjNb3i70) Dashcam Videos Settings Mobile Home 06/05/24(Wed)17:24:29 No.20467707 UK Dashcams 520 KB PNG [Not original Picrel] >Gets minorly inconvenienced by other driver >Unleashes unfathomable rage USA Dashcams >Car pulls out 1 mile ahead of cammer on rural road >Still crashes Russian Dashcams >Car explodes due to lack maintenance >Truck crashes into it at 60mph; also explodes >Asteroid hits the intersection >Nobody notices >0 deaths Chinese dashcams >Drives >45 people get crushed

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Where DID he go wrong? | /r/Greentext

/qa/ Anonymous 25 KB JPG > mid race .exe 09/17/20(Thu)00:20:35 No.3471277 > be me > weeb > got paired with the big buff sports guy in P.E > have to compete against him in a race > all girls cheering for him > do the naruto run > somehow it works, I win > girls still won't cheer for me cheer me up bros I need some animu to help me forget where did I go wrong

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Making the best out of your situation | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 90 KB PNG minor bs 01/21/21(Thu)18:34:19 No.61966906 >All the teachers at school called me weird >Wrote nasty reports about my "poor behavior" >Sent bitchy letters to my parents and my GP >Tried to get me suspended for >20 years later >I'm quoting directly from their letters in my disabilitybux application form as evidence to support my claim

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Anon is NEETing too hard | /r/Greentext

1h (06/07/24 13:26) 77755739 - 18 Re - 1 Img JPG 81KB (828 × 828) 1712448877227452.jpg 8 Replies 1.5 years as a NEET >spend 8+ hours a day playing souls games, shmups or battle royale >lower back always tense because I just sit 24/7 >fapped so much I ran out of p--- >don't go outside because I started to hate the sun >don't turn on the overhead light in my room anymore >skin is super dry and pale >feel like i'm aging faster but too apathetic to do anything about it >highlight of the day is drinking coffee and sleeping >too poor to do literally anything Yep 00

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Anon tries to sex | /r/Greentext

Board /adv/ - Advice Anonymous expect anything appointed 63 KB JPG ▼Settings Mobile Home 06/07/24(Fri)01:53:37 No.31400453 >try to have sex with gf >she says she's tired >okay, get up to go to the bathroom >she asks where I'm going >"to j-------" >gets extremely p----- for some reason >"are you f------ serious?" >what? >rolls over and starts ignoring me >whatever, go j------- >come back and she's gone >apparently she got dressed and left So should I just dump this bitch? 88 Replies / 1 Image Anonymous >>31400453 (OP) # View Thread 06/07/24(Fri)16:48:20 No.31404309 Girl just wanted to cuddle but forgot she was dating an ape lmfao

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Anon philosophizes about American burgers | /r/Greentext

Anonymous Bagel Calorie difference: 210 calories Cheeseburger Cate difference 257 calories 3-inch diameter 6-inch m 140 calones 500 catines 360 calones French Fries Calcite difference 155 calories Calorie difference 400 calories Soda 6.5 ounces 20 ounces 35 calories 250 calones 2.4 ounces 210 calories 6.9 ounces 610 calories 43 KB JPG 06/06/24(Thu)18:35:35 No.74439132 >Evropean >go to America >order a 'regular' hamburger at a recommended restaurant >$12 for a burger? Kind of ridiculous >a monstrous double cheeseburger with a bucket of fries arrives on my table >loaded with cheese, ketchup, mustard, "burger sauce", lettuce, tomatoes, pickles, onions, sandwiched between two gigantic sesame seed buns >basically impossible to bite into >eat like a quarter of it, box it up and f--- off >feel bloated and have to lay down in my hotel later >go to another burger restaurant >order the kid's meal >the fat cashier sniggers at me >"Order 43, kids meal with fries!" >walk amidst the crowd of lardasses with s----eating grins >it's a patty with cheese, ketchup, mustard, no vegetables (great for kids huh?), and a large loaf of bread >it's still f------ bigger than large hamburgers in Europe What a supremely F----- up country.

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Anon was a terrorist | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 123 KB JPG every day 09/27/22(Tue)14:20:14 No.886353261 >be me, Afghan chad >go to America because there is so much opportunity and advanced society >excited for career opportunities >look around >drunks kill thousands in accidents >druggies want more drugs >women are walking p---- magazines >men watch their sisters and daughters used for wetting d---- and left >"it's just today's dating culture" >media exploits primitive instincts like sex, using women in the name of women empowerment >social media is half p--- but "p--- IS gOoD for HeAlTh❞ >everyone is in a manic race to make more money >no sense of family, dignity, self respect I' going back. Not going to lose basic human values for more money. Afghanistan is a s------- but at least I had a family back home.

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https://imgchest.com/p/6eyrd2wox4p | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 06/21/14(22 12:54 No 24956158249561945 g (268 KB. 314x525)googleb 124564443682.jpg (10 KB 294x224) google 22243556030 (DP) throw my mom Anonymous 06/21/14/522 16:34 No 249662086 uh oh ogreti osa (1.57 MB 640x324) google i >2495560300) SCOTS Anonymous 06/21/14/Sat)) >>243656030 So you has autism? threw my mom s--- n----- are you Anonymous 06/21/14/Sat 20:35:03 No. 249556030=>>249556430 >>249556438 >>249556480 >>249556751 >>249558402 >>249658442 What's the most autistic vidya thing you've ever done? In 2007 shipped Knuckles and Rouge, but the illness grow and grow. Soon every woman I looked at looked like Rouge, and I would imagine her being with Knuckles. I recorded myself replaying Sonic Adventures 2 and illegaly downloaded Sonic X and went back through the recordings and found all the scenes where Knuckles and Rouge have "moments. I compiled these all into a cd and labeled as "prod" would spend hours every day looking at the same fan drawn at that shipped Knuckles and Rouge and my obsession grow more and more and werd e watched every scene of the anime where I was hinted they liked each other and rewatched them. I would look up rule 34 of rouge and single one with Sonic or Shadow I would pretend didn't exist. I got into a fight with someone on the internet about whether Rouge iked Shadow more or Knuckles and everybody in the thread said Shadow almost koled myself that night. Eventually I stopped going to school pretending to be sick (I was 17) and didn't go for 2 weeks just so I could ship knuckles and rouge and read every fanfiction and view every tanan. My parents discovered my gigabytes of fles on knuckles and rouge when I went to the bathroom (the only time I left the room) and threatened to break the computer. I threw my mom and stopped myself tom hiting har with my belt. I clung to my computer and screamed and they called the police where I was taken away and hospitalized for a month 49566849 >>249666463 This want on for 5 months, and I stop tests als again in in January becaus Anonymous 06/21/14/Sat 20:37:40 No.2495564. >>249656030 what the f--- to school the last 2 weeks of the fasco. I started to get really bad during the last 2 months. I had to retake all my state k the tests. I was removed from the national honor society after this Anonymous 06/21/14(S22 16 69 No 249662136 1319578510043.png (199 KB, 326x342) google adb WOWZERS Anonymous 06/21/1452331 21 No.249672206 1316746267034.32 KB, 168x145)googleb >>249656030 (CP) Anon what the f--- Ive literally been diagnosed with asperger's and he never done ANYTHING that retarded Anonymous 06/21/14/Sat 22:42:32 No 249566843>>249566305 4226713731. Copy ang (28 KB, 128x128) google ig >>233) Anonymous 06/21 21:37:42 No.245556438=>>249556685 >>249556030 F------ nice aggatan Next time sa our parents more years of suffering and and your self, stupid cockmanering p------------. Anonymous 06/21/14/Sat 21:40:41 No 249566092 ■>>249667818 3224955665 Ano nous 06/21/14/Sat 22:07 28 No 245 2230358.png (138 KB 375375) googl E >>249566030 OP I could to post, but after reading your post my autom Anonymous 06/21/14 50 36 No 249568402 1403107464663.jpg (45 K602) google iad 2556030 (CP) pratty us 06/21/14(S21 No.249666686 >>249666892 >>249567306 >>249667760>>24966>>249660317 >>249661639 >>2496715239572809 >>249675730 f--- you fagget Everybod moments like this once in a while. This is so we can share what ne vidya things we've ever done Like I said I'm no longer like this knuckles ge 1956 ( Your autistic brain in just waiting for something to sperg about It's not now like you're suddenly normal and in no way autistic No anon, you're still like that. You're a ticking timebomb, waiting for something to trigger your autism. Here ya go Anonymous 06/21/14(S22.03.19 No.249560317=>>249561587 >>249561895 >>2495686 Get. The f--- Of M 9 you still sana anough to Anonymous 06/21/14(a)22 13.19 No 249561639= Everybody has moments where they almost beat their mother and then get hospitalized for freaking out over fictional characters. The only way you co even f------ remotely think that "everyone" (and assume you're being hyperbolic and actually think that siz minority of people do this) is beca Destroy your PC and a roadrip so f------ insulated from the real world and real people that you think this is just a regular thing to do before your twenty Anonymes 21/14 22:15:32 No.245661545 Oh god BUT WAIT! THERE'S MOREL 5626424966209338 » erything that happened this is what I remer the most. This f------ thing is what I regret the most The only ven who ever really gives a s--- about anyos their mother. She raised me, took care of me, kisssed my boobo F--- ALL YOU Rouge loves Knuckles and you ALLOW IT game, all forcking game I threw her across the room she was visibly scared. Go knows what went through her head. GET-A-LOAD OF THIS CAM Rouge loves Kckles and you LL KNOW IT you ALL KNOW IT COMMENCING ROUTINE: SLAP YOUR S--- IMCHEST AND THEN OP WAS A F-- AL ALONG... Anonymous 06/21/14/23 19:36 No 249570851>>249671204 >>249571479>>24952495722 843524382439248234 g (18 KB, 300-439) googl My computer wasn't really led with pom i might have had a couple of folders I had em saved so in case the internet went out I could still be with them 249572621 >>249672739 >>249572786 >>249672862 >>24957302249574067>>249574734 >>249575214 >>249576365 hat was it. I had fanfictions, and pictures of them kissing and cuddling. Sex was something I thought should be piate between them. At dinner I would spend less and less time every day. I would quickly run back upstairs to be with knuckles and rouge. My parents started to get worried. My dad at the table would talk about how commi My parents were really woried. One day, 2 days before the throwing inciden This is painful to type They asked how I was doing, etc. They asked if I was bullied at school, they asked ifa youwoped about me My mom had tears in he on can lead to a better family trying to get me to talk they asked if I was feeling depres trying to jake with me, recounting memories fr thood so I would open the door. She I fet temble the second I said it and they were taken back. The t sitting by the door that night They asked if I wanted to see a therapist. We were had to tell them, and I screamed and forced them but they still said they would do ang. They weren't condescending of the room. I locked the door that dnd my mom sat behind were king on it and Anor bun 06/21/14523 33 49 No 249672621 1402 143 of 11.02 MB. 620x376) gogle iad 229570151 You are a disgusting p------------ and your parents cared about you far more than you deserve. Seriou consider suicide, and leave a note apologizing for not doing so sooner 06/22/14/Sun00 04 13 No 249576365 37 of 11 12 MB 294233) >>24967061 To think things like you exist and have gave their lies to mantain the stable through world wars You are a f------ shame for the hum mous 06/21/14/S23:35:41 No 249672852 140 916099 g (149 KB, 560x606) google ath F--- gus 06/21/14(52) 22:27 No 245 204 m of 1212 KB. 625x625) 45a23:34 50 No 245672739 >>245570851 1335585948 Jesus C KB 584673) google id > locked the door that day and my mom sat behind it, knocking on it and trying to joke with me, recounting the door that night horias from childhood so I would open the door. She slept sitting by My god, that gives me horrible feels. Go kill your f------ self OP, you are an insufferable c--- to pull someth that Anonymous 06/21/14 23:45:06 No 249574057 Worst part is that y say 's painful to type so you know you are wrong. Just accept their offer and go to than you need it "They 'trust me'. Dumbfucks..." -Dr. Shuhei Yoshida PhD. Esq. XXVIIIIII, Discoverer of Autism

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Greentext Stories - The last line of defence | /r/Greentext

PROTIP: Press the ← and → keys to navigate the gallery, 'g' to view the gallery, or 'r' to view a random image.

File: Cat and dog.png (167 KB, 296x300) >They arrest the guy Anonymous (ID: w7iklM6K) 08/06/14(Wed)13:25:02 No.560918306 >Be living with myself and my two pets, a cat and a dog >Dog barks at everything and cat never gives a f--- about anything or anyone >Be asleep >Hear my dog barking >notagain.jpeg >He shuts up after 30 seconds >I try to fall asleep again >After two minutes my dog start barking again like crazy >I go down to tell him to shut up >When I get down there is a freaking burglar on the bookshelf >Ski mask and all >On the floor lies a gun >Beneath bookshelf is my dog barking and jumping up after him >On the couch sits my cat looking like he found my tuna stash >I call the police > I give my dog a sausage for being a good guard dog >A couple of days later a guy calls from the station >During the interrogation the burglar admitted that he broke into my house, kicked my cat and lured my dog into a closet >My dog jumped him two minutes later >The burglar didn't know my dog can open doors >He can't >My cat being "f--- everyone else"-king of the house can though >Taught himself so he can come and go as he please >My cat must had become p----- and released my dog so he could attack the burglar >MFW my cat is a d--- >MFW I added animal cruelty to the charges

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