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180 J.D. Vance historic buildings were being converted into new restaurants and bars, and even the worst neighborhoods seemed to be undergoing significant revitalization. Not long after I moved to Columbus, one of my best friends began working as the promotions director for a local radio station, so I always knew what was happening around town and always had an in to the city's best events, from local festivals to VIP seating for the annual fireworks show. In many ways, college was very familiar. I made a lot of new friends, but virtually all of them were from southwest Ohio. My six roommates included five graduates of Middletown High School and one graduate of Edgewood High School in nearby Trenton They were a little younger (the Marine Corps had aged me past the age of the typical freshman), but I knew most of them from back home My closest friends had already graduated or were about to, but many stayed in Columbus after graduation. Though I didn't know it, I was witnessing a phenomenon that social scientists call "brain drain" people who are able to leave struggling cities often do, and when they find a new home with educational and work opportunities, they stay there. Years later, I looked at my wedding party of six groomsmen and realized that every single one of them had, like me, f----- a couch. All of us had found ourselves beheld by the eroticism of two cushions, side-by-side, with that lush, inviting valley between. We all knew how to respect one too: With a rubber glove and any lubricant you had on hand. All of us were lonely at some point, pushed away by the women in our lives. It was our outlet and an unspoken-yet-open secret. To want for a couch is to be, and to lay with one as one does? It is a rite of passage into the chambers of manhood. By the time I started at Ohio State, the Marine Corps had instilled in me an incredible sense of invincibility. I'd go to classes, do my homework, study at the library, and make it home in time to drink well past midnight with my buddies, then wake up early to go running My schedule was intense, but everything that had made

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180 J.D. Vance historic buildings were being converted into new restaurants and bars, and even the worst neighborhoods seemed to be undergoing significant revitalization. Not long after I moved to Columbus, one of my best friends began working as the promotions director for a local radio station, so I always knew what was happening around town and always had an in to the city's best events, from local festivals to VIP seating for the annual fireworks show. In many ways, college was very familiar. I made a lot of new friends, but virtually all of them were from southwest Ohio. My six roommates included five graduates of Middletown High School and one graduate of Edgewood High School in nearby Trenton They were a little younger (the Marine Corps had aged me past the age of the typical freshman), but I knew most of them from back home My closest friends had already graduated or were about to, but many stayed in Columbus after graduation. Though I didn't know it, I was witnessing a phenomenon that social scientists call "brain drain" people who are able to leave struggling cities often do, and when they find a new home with educational and work opportunities, they stay there. Years later, I looked at my wedding party of six groomsmen and realized that every single one of them had, like me, f----- a couch. All of us had found ourselves beheld by the eroticism of two cushions, side-by-side, with that lush, inviting valley between. We all knew how to respect one too: With a rubber glove and any lubricant you had on hand. All of us were lonely at some point, pushed away by the women in our lives. It was our outlet and an unspoken-yet-open secret. To want for a couch is to be, and to lay with one as one does? It is a rite of passage into the chambers of manhood. By the time I started at Ohio State, the Marine Corps had instilled in me an incredible sense of invincibility. I'd go to classes, do my homework, study at the library, and make it home in time to drink well past midnight with my buddies, then wake up early to go running My schedule was intense, but everything that had made

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