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QUICK, WHAT IS THE MOST POWERFUL POKEMON IN THE WORLD? Arceus? WRONG IT'S M------------ MAGIKARP, STUPID ASS t's so weak and uselesS it's just a stupid little fish why is it so ugly and dumb GET THAT D--- OUT OF YOUR EAR AND PAY ATTENTION GODDAMMIT -71% OF THE PLANET'S SURFACE IS WATER 90% OF LIFE IN THE WATER IS MAGIKARP -100% OF MAGIKARP'S BODY IS PURE PAIN NO MATTER WHERE YOU Go, YOU WILL NOT BE SAFE Let's give you some simple numbers so you can comprehend just how f----- you are, 20 base HP 10 base attack base speed. If it's raining, then its speed DOUBLES SWEET GANDHI'S T---, THAT'S TERRIFYING Well, guess what? We're just getting warmed up. It's time to show you the deadly attacks Magikarp can use. SPLASH A Magikarp that lives for years can use this to LEAP OVER MOUNTAINS. You can't even walk over one without losing your breath. Pictured: Λ pehlk to a Magikarp. TACKLE That's 10 kilograms of solid death being thrown right at your fat face. FLAIL If you can somehow get Magikarp to 1 HP, this move gets a base power of 200. That sound was your bowels leaving your body in sheer terror BOUNCE Because f--- your grass types. As a bonus, Magikarp becomes even more invincible than it normally is for one turn. JUST LOOK AT THIS MAJESTIC SON OF A BITCH would have hot, sweaty sex with thot ish Your Mother F THAT'S SOMEHOW NOT ORGASMIC ENOUGH FOR YOU, LOOK AT ITS SHINY FORM SOLID GOLD M----------- Every single word in that title is literal. HEY SPEAKING OF ORGASMIC Put your pants back on, we're not done yet. Magikarp is in the DRAGON egg group. That means that the following Pokemon are lining up to have sex with it: THIS IS IN ADDITION TO ANYTHING VAGUELY FISH-SHAPED AND IT CREATES EVEN MORE MAGIKARP Here's another terrifying stat for you, p---- The highest level a Pokemon can reach is 100 Only one Pokemon can be found in the wild at this level. Guess who. JESUS CHRIST Now, I know what your a----devestated self is thinking, "magikarp can't be PERFECT, it has to have a flaw!" You're right, it does have one terrible downside. ITS EVOLUTION IS COMPLETE GARBAGE Not that it matters anyway. The B button was invented for a reason. GET A MAGIKARP

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Uploaded by amanda b. Oct 17, 2013 at 09:49AM EDT

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Magikarp used Dragon Rage! Magikarp and Charizard (Pokémon) @sqshiijelly
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Uploaded Oct 17, 2013 at 09:49AM EDT

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Magikarp

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