Advanced Search Protips

Musician 'Matt Farley' Explains The 'Your Name + Poop Song' TikTok Trend And Why He's Written So Many Songs About Poop
Did Over 75,000 People Really Write-In 'Hawk Tuah' For President? The Viral 'Vote Hawk Tuah' Memes Explained
Why Are White Women Wearing Blue Bracelets? TikTok's 'Blue Friendship Bracelet Movement' Explained
What Does DYKTMM Mean? The Acronym About The Muffin Man From 'Shrek' Explained
Where Are They Now? Here's What Nyannyancosplay, AKA The 'Hit or Miss Girl,' Has Been Up To Since Her Viral TikTok Era In 2018

+34

Greentext Stories - Analogies, Ahoy!

PROTIP: Press the ← and → keys to navigate the gallery, 'g' to view the gallery, or 'r' to view a random image.

, 95439253563ip(122 KB, 571x359, bueno aahkdQ) 03/22S43 14 24 13 UTC No 538444327 Story time. The frst time I posted this story rt was done ㅲ a hurry so here l conect everything that was wrong with it the frs time around I swaar to you on my dog's a--- viginty that no waking dinosaurs, thae fddias, West Philadalphias or Pokamen advantures are in store Be me 16 hed r, small 3 bedroom, house with m um, pops and psychotic tweer, bbch #9632348 ster, whom we will call Sis, had our own bedrooms 뇌 was allowed to have an old desktop it my room This philege was gven under the No m----------- proclamation of 2008 Had to have door unlocked 24/7. Parents montor my website actiities so that I may never stray from the path of a tue Jedi Bitch Sis stopped by my room every now and then tried keep me on my toes Bitch didm realize Iwas a goddamn Russian ballerina poeing through tantalizing testicle teasing tubes l became daredevil. Heard peaple coming to my >Developed the reflexes of tweeked up spastic tiger opening and closing windows like m a 1980s hacker wrung up on meth Can't have prvacy so I watch I want then use memories to relieve mysef in the shower mles away And as much I would like to discuss my fapping habits they have little to do with the story so i stop there Sister brought bayfriend to house from time to time scrawny metro-sexual faggelt looked ike Justin Bieber and a sightly less feminine version of himself had a child >Dude acts all cool and understanding infront of pereres Six convinces them she's trying to "Save his soul, so they give ther blessing l enforced the No Penetration act of 2009 so well the NSA sent me some recrtmenterature would pop out of the shadows every time l heard them go qua鵴and I would just stand there and stare at them Like a ghoulish shadow in the comer of ther ayes I destroyed every chance they got every mave they made like the judgmental eyes of 갠 wrathful god l peered ito their very 50uls as eerie 3nd wirward 35 the whole of /mpustaToysRUs! AND 1 AM CREEPER TERROR WATCHER VOYEURI AM THE EYES IN THE DARKNESS THE SENTRY OF THE NIGHT MINE IS PRESENCE AND My sister got real tired of my sht and so did her poor excuse for a lesh dide A pian that would only seve as uel to the aging inemo that was my lack of social Ide and surplus of hee tima While I was enjoying my shower time they went into my room and browsed as well as downloaded some hardcore gay BOSM in ther called a dity Ittle Parents came home fom work, chacked my homework and went through my PC as always -s--- ht the fan 50 h rd bits and piece5 were 5悀raring down 3 days later in downtown Cincrnati it was Like watching a paychopathic clown shoing roils af quarters up a midgets ass and knowing you're next Tried to xplan may h ve been avrus or a prank, but it was like trying to se4a three legged came) to Jfw Thay purgad all my intamat, vydia and computar prlegea. And rom then on I was to go to Sunday school Just like any As unikaly as & sounds I have thienda, one which was a mastar of f------ with peopla ha asked to be called Jarold Jarold and I discussed some plans before Snaly deciding on the one that was most likely to succeed my t--- here we one of the pan F 뇌ddn't have anything to do with my free tame other than read,since I wasn't allowed anywhere ter 5PM All my time was spent dicking around in my room,I even stopped checking up on my sister pgn Every now and then I would lsugh, not my normal laugh but a higher pitched, wbrating laugh with small pauses between exhales getting his d--- sucked while bench pr First eforts were uselass but ater a whle boytoy and Sis stat to notice swould isten umi they went quiet then | would do it loud enough for them to notice, did t 3 to 4 times day never ád it when pererts where home oOnù day sister ks about the sound canning from my room i act coffuse and chuck it up to the wind coming though the bathsoom window BDMS Kept doing&for the naxt fow weaks til she got truly annoyed and bagan to come into my room and tell me to stopt l never got caught doing itIwas always viglant I would stop if she was too close kept acting lke 1 didn know what she was talking about acted concemed about her wel-being -The seed af Ater a month or so of my neurotic sponge bob laugh she became used to t and thought nothing of it this too was part of the plan He lent me a voice rec order tiny matherfucker I could hida t just about anywhere but the bitch could got dacent audio output 거walked out inthe bang room and made sure Sis and Federine saw me lese, sad I was gon g to the store ol lat bahind tha recordar ready to sat off 13 minutes ater my daparture and 10 minutas ater the fest laugh 기 entered the Seven Eleven and stufed my face with ice cream bars ike l was Sasha Grey on an interracial gangbang for 20 minutes lient back h--- exactly 30 minutes had passed since my depanuro i oreered the house and found fund Sis and Timberlake n the bang onhh tha look on their faces when I came into the house,gets me wet every time I think about it eel ske Tzkunkda) 03/22/141Sat)14:39 36 UTC No 533445572 They looked ike they just saw me crawl out of a giant a------ on the wal my inner bale and Asked them 50mething happened, said they looked 5haken, looked Si5 in the eyes as l said Sis got p-----, began rarting saying things like if this was my idea of a joke I was sick Al bunch of accusatory s---, as if she didnt just see me come in through the front door She Kept asking me how I didt ol put on my best scowl and ask if she's on drugs. Tell her that she's been acting all f----- up since she brought Honey pants to the house Shat the f----- an angry lock as I did .Duda looked so contused Ska ha just discovered Asian nookie ia slanted juat ika our ayes Told her was gonna tell mum and pops about how she's acting This seemed to cool her off a bit is was reminded I held the power to narc like the lile coward she knew I was 거 told her to get her s--- straght and stop d ng whatever theyre doing. Walked of ika a Texan cowboy nght after the Alamo it was a week and some change since the voice recorder incident Sis hadn't yet told parents anything about the prank Mly laugh had begun to afect her again, sha would un up to my scom to catch me doing t She forgot she was Candace and I was Phineas and Pharb -She couldnt catch me doing it sometimes I would use the record in my room while I was in the living room just to f--- with her she went through lots of sht in my room tryng to find it made me worry she might havo done zone point but no doe She told me t cold anly be me doing that noise that Joe Jonas could hear it too would do the laugh ㅲ longu ntervals now I would skip some days just to gie her a false since af security She was loosing sleep she couldnt enjoy her time with Lance Bass anymore, she kept trying to catch me 뇌 became thesneakest little s--- that ever had considered a carrier in aspionage Nah it would ubimately get in the way of my dream of becoming Pokemon master of Kanto Tzkhkぬ) 03/22/14(Sat)14:43 10UTC No 538445878 The day came shere she could not take it anymore and once more threw parents at me like a pair of rabid dogs at smal paraplegic r Told them I kept trying to prank her but it was all really immature and annoying Jhonny Depp was there to back her up eleven types of s--- my guns lke an Gave Oscar worthy performance about my innocence made t clear that I was nowhere near the house I won the Oscar later that year and gracatully dadicated it to Dicapio without whom I would ba no one. saed my recepts I had an albi I was a fapist on foreign land with diplomatic immunity GET Parents gave us that we're to old for this sht talk, wamed me and let of the hook The time was upon ust All my hard work was paying off. I had spent all that time setting up the MY LEVEL, ID: Tzkankda) 03/22/141Sat)14 44 18 UTC No 538445964 Phase Three COW DUNG TO INDUSTRIAL FAN Friday night mum and pops had a date I was lat alone with Sis She asked t sha could call Culien over and they said yes F----- said he couldnt come. At this point I knew the goat I had slaughtered to Adanimus god of mischief had granted me his blessing ver since the laugh incident she had never been alone in the house. She knewl was the only possible explanation for the laughs the only logcal explanation only humans could be more logical packed my stut and told her i neded to go to the library She looked nanous God knows shemas fight to ba 거said goodbye and waked out the door, head held high feeing te man with a dck the size of a baby elephant's trunk Once there I grabbed tha frat book that intereated me chacked it out at the counter, sat down and bagan reading Tzkthkd0) 03/22/14/Sat)14 45 19 UTC No 5.38446037 Now this is the account of the events that transcribed at my home as tald by Jarold Be Jarold age unknown be the greabest neckbeard that has ever lived I kiss grls cus m a aggo sl left school early that day, and made my way to anons house, found the keys the house under a green stone tutle in the backyard nside Made l waited in the close heat pounding, d--- erect, clothed in my black tattered monk hood iuld come time came Itaped the reconder to 03/22/14(Sat)14:46 22 UTC No.538446134 played the recorded to max volume, but Igot no reaction.1 could hear the Tv blaring outside, soItned again a couple of times before gving up The This deat bitch wa ing room sneaked outside being realy quiet went nto the living room there splendor was Anon's sister Face down a getting pounded fom behind by some skinny locking fagget They both had the backs turned to me This was belter than the plan this was a once in a lifetime opportunity god had 5 eath to make sure these hormy m------------ got scared 5htless! I would carry ORD AND SAMIOR HAILAAAA y panties aready mom's spaghets l sipped the recorder to a Chinese igin being ving room stealth like, this dude was pounding that ass good no way they would have noticed even fI danced >l took a deep breath and screamed at the top of my lungs WHAT THE F--- ARE YOU DOING 7zkthkdQ) 03/22/14(Sat)14 51:05 UTC No.538446540 watched the color wash of their faces Exquiste teror in their eyes Lord can one man expenence such biss? They were staring into the a------ of god and it was searing their mortal eyes Iwas choking on my own slobber trying not to The girla screamed a high pitch scream aach note neverberated though out my body and I achieved Shangr-la The f----- made gesture as if to shield the girl with his body but the girl was trying desperately to get up and un Before they could regan composure I put my hand to my collar and press play on the recorder Anon's ungodly shriek came forth fomit The duda p----- himsar, Iterally a stream of urina speled forth rom his eract shan Kinda impressive he coud keep a boner in this stuation, bravo, bravo PS. brb door Reples right hand and Sceched a spawn of Satan THE L rwords could not describe the sound : came from these two Like the Bqueaks of drlating boloen. ike gumes p乎wating to be fed -They ran naked into the vast unknown, and 35 ' heard ther screams l ㎞ew my purpose had been fulfiled could áe nowrest forever. met Jarold later that day he said things had not gone cording to plan but everything was Ok a bunch of police s back Fin

View Gallery Random Image

Top Comments

Captainfalcon07

Captainfalcon07

Mar 26, 2014 at 12:26AM EDT

10/10

+6

That Asian Guy

That Asian Guy

Apr 16, 2014 at 11:10PM EDT

9/11 Never Forget this masterpiece.

+3

+ Add a Comment

Comments (8)

Display Comments

Legal Information: Know Your Meme ® is a trademark of Literally Media Ltd. By using this site, you are agreeing by the site's terms of use and privacy policy and DMCA policy.
© 2007-2024 Literally Media Ltd.