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be a monk
Uploaded by I am Melonlord Jun 30, 2014 at 08:37AM EDT
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![Anonymous 12/02/10(Thu)21:42 No.80240xxx My dad would punish me with psychological torture. Drove me nuts. Here's an example >Tell Dad to F--- Off because Im playing Super Nintendo >Dad, displeased at my French, begins to formulate his plot >Wake up the next moming >Scares the crap out of me >Go to eat breakfast >Small beanie-baby frog cormes out of box What the f--- >Backpack feels heavier than usual -Check middle pocket >Filled with, like, ten frogs Am t >Look out window to daydream as I often do >Beanie baby frog on outside windowsill scared now >Sent out to hall >Pitch black because lights off and drapes pulled >Turn on light ENTIRE F------ KITCHEN FILLED WITH BEANIE BABY FROGS WHAT THE F--- -Heavy knocks on door >Turn around >Man in frog suit pressing his face against the door >Lock the door >A single frog in the middle of the floor on top of a piece of paper Lift up frog >Take note the door, son. >Scared, open door for frogman >Frogman, silently, slowly walks up to me know it's you. Dad," I say >He says in a voice nothing like my father's: Tt is not, Anon." >He takes mask off sit's my Uncle >My dad comes into the house laughing like an idiot p----- myself >Dad laughs and says, "We dont say F--- in this house, boy Now who's up for McDonalds?" Seriously Dad where did you get all those f------ beanie babies from Anonymous 12/02/10(Thu)21:52 No.80241XXx 60240709 80240926 There was another time when, while l was sleeping, he drove me about five miles away to where a Russian-American family he knew lived The Russian man and woman treated me like I had lived there my whole life. I was there for twelve hours before my father came to pick me up. Anonymous 12/02/10(Thu)22:00 No.80241Xxx here >Dad catches me looking at forbidden websites (read: p--- [This was when I was younger]) >l know he's going to pull something crazy because I had wisened up a bit >He just grounds me from the computer for four days >Four days later, turn on computer >Every single image (desktop, everything's icon, the mouse cursor) was replaced by a weird-looking triceritops picture he made himself >Computer is rigged so that dinosaur roars come out of it 24/7 >He superglued a toy Triceratops to the top of my monitor It was like this for two weeks before he took it off e still has and uses that computer monitor, triceritops and all Frogdad 12/02/10(Thu)22.14 No 80242xxX >Come home from school >Dad's over at a friend's house -Decide to eat ice-cream >He comes home when I'm in the middle of my third bowl >He is dissapoint when I can't eat my dinner -The next day come home >He is standing there in the kitchen with a sterm look on his eye with the Russian man from earlier story Dad tells me to sit down オHe reaches into the fridge and pulls out a container of Moose Tracks !ce-cream, my favoritest ice-cream ever >He pulls out two spoons -H e gives me half a s >After giving me a taunting taste he and Mr. Russia proceed to eat the entire bucket of ice-cream in front of me, savoring every bite and making "MMMMMMM and "OOUUAAAHHH SOO GOOODDDD" sounds >If I try to get up out of my chair my dad would tell me to sit back down -lf I tried to close my eyes or look away my dad would stick his fingers in my sides, which I f------ hated >They force me to watch him and Mr. Russia eat an entire bucket of my favorite ice-cream >After finishing the dessert, he gives Mr. Russia a friendly beer and sends him on his way, and then asks what I want for dinner Frogdad 12/02/10(Thu)22 24 No.80243XxX >>80243390 >Make That's What She Said!" joke to my dad >He is disgusted by that form of humor >Two days pass >Find my closet empty but for one shirt A Turtieneck sweater >He got one of his tech buddies to rig a small microphone up to i sit records my voice and after one second of me talking, it emits a "That's What She Said!" >Have to wear it for a day to school I couldnt tell whether to be angry at or impressed by my dad. □ Frogdad 12/02/10(Thu)22:40 No 80244XXX >Get in trouble at school for putting gum undeneath a desk >I just know my dad is going to pull some crazy s--- >Two weeks pass from the incident >Wake up one moming >A single wad of putty stuck on the ceiling -it >Every night another wad of putty is stuck on the ceiling >This continues for one week >Dawn of the Eigth Day: There is a full circle of about fifteen wads on the ceiling >What the f--- -Dawn of the Ninth Day: Smaller putties spell out "UNDER BED" >Oh god I know it's you dad, Im not scared, I'm not scared >Look under bed >A tiny little man made out of putty >Dawn of the Tenth Day Smaller putties spell out "IN DRAWER" pg >Another tiny little man made out of putty >Dawn of the Eleventh Day. Putties form an arrow pointing to the window >Since it was a school day it was about 5:30 in the morming and very dark -Flashlight comes on REVEALING A GIANT MAN MADE OF PUTTY OH GOD FREAKY AS F--- MASK OH GOD >Dad runs in, "What, What?17 MAN MADE OF PUTTY, DAD. .wait, Dad? That isnt you? >Dad tells me to stay the f--- inside >He runs outside He and the Putty Man beat the s--- out of eachother >Fight travels to neighbor's yard behind hedge >Dad gestures for me to come out of the house walk over to dead putty man >Dad prepares to take off mask NOBODY UNDER MASK >Russian Man steps out of nearby bushes holding a portable radio playing the Twilight Zone theme >Dad tells me not to chew gum in school >We walk back home and they tell me about how hard they worked on this one I think that this one wins. Cant believe I forgot it](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/778/512/59b.jpg "Parenting: Doing it right")
![File: image.ipg (271 KB, 1200x1704) Anonymous (ID: ajiozooz) 05/03/14(Sat)16:41:50 No.544855727 [Reply]544856984 >Be a CO in a prison >Decided to play a joke on the inmates >Brought a bag of Haribo Sugarless "Colon- Cleanser" Gummy Bears >Was gonna make Cafeteria boys distribute this to Genpop >Suddenly, a small yard riot >Five people are due for The Hole >The Hole has minimal lighting, small vent, and a bucket to s--- in >They'll be there for a day >thismakesmemoist.tiff >Make sure I give 15 gummies to each of their food trays >This inmate called Jose got 20, since he cocktail'd my buddy last year >Wait for the SHITstorm to commence >Suddenly >"Ey yo, what the f----" >A lifer named Deshawn started cursing and banging on the walls cause I forgot o censor it the last time, jeez are you happy now? >l can hear groaning and moaning >Then it begins >A symphony of s--- hitting metal buckets > Screams >Jose started praying in Spanish, he sounds like he's crying >And then comes the gagging >No vent means >l can hear people thowing up Inmate Dolton screamed "Officer Anon, please help!" "Yo, Anon, Anon, open the goddamn door, muggfugga >Act oblivious Turn on the intercom system for Seg unit "You do the crime, you do the time >Laugh and walk out >Shift change >Next day I found out that Seg Unit is being "disinfected" >Jose winds up on suicide watch >Caf boys got blamed for mishandling food >One caf boy got shanked by Deshawn's cellmate s the smell is percolating in there So how was your day, /b/?](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/765/346/5c6.png "5c6.png")
![File: Tfw+mom+finds+your+piss+d{.).jpg (30 KB, 495x362) O Anonymous 07/28/21(Wed)13:25:08 No.859854691 [Reply] >mom found the ball stretching sock](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/list/002/160/295/ed8.png "Anon's CBT sock | /r/Greentext")
![: Anonymous (ID: tRBBpVB/ 33 KB JPG 10/06/23(Fri)08:10:13 No.56296469 >Applying for a dream job >Forgot to replace the [company name] with the company name in my cover letter 151 KB PNG Looks like I'll be staying in my job for a bit longer Anonymous (ID: dufP1RR6 10/06/23(Fri)08:18:55 No.56296530 >>56296469 (OP) # >applying for a job](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/list/002/675/704/d96.jpg "Modern solution | /r/Greentext")
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Uploaded Jun 30, 2014 at 08:37AM EDT
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CornBread
Jun 30, 2014 at 10:55AM EDT
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