I don't get it?! I have the WiiU, the controllers, the game, and optimal seating in front of a big TV. Where are the flocks of screaming ladies that are supposed to come to my door?

Sadly, this is true.
Ironically, saying you do have a Wii u with Sm4sh will get you laid. or lei’d, however you kids spell it nowdays.
Back when I was a tyke, it was called ‘sex.’