Morning News - Not exactly news

…You ever wonder if the Doctor does masturbate? I sure didn't until right now.

Well, he is not human. He may simply be not interested in this sort of things.
In the classic series he was portrayed as pretty much asexual. Some expanded universe accounts even claim that Time Lords couldn't reproduce naturally due to an ancient curse, so new generations had to be "loomed" instead (remember Jenny the Tenth Doctor's daughter? Same principle here).
But then, the Doctor spends a lot of his time traveling with companions (who are most often pretty girls from Earth), and sometimes they tend to get romantically attracted to him, and sometimes he even tends to get romantically attracted back. So he must have learned a few things over the years. So yeah, maybe if sometimes he gets too lonely, he-

Wait a sec, why am I even thinking about this?! Thanks for planting all these thoughts into my mind, mate, you've just, like, ruined my favourite show.