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I don't retract any apology about hurting her or pestering her for a reply. Nothing I've said changes that I did that. I just felt this important context was left out. This is what I was working with and why I was so comfortable doing this. I kept asking if it was okay and kept doing it because she said she enjoyed it. I wanted to be open with someone I cared about rather than just assume, and gave her my word that I wouldn't go into sexual territory for myself. It still wasn't a good way to act; I just hope it's understandable how I could think this way. Due to an autism spectrum disability, I struggle with understanding social cues or people's limits. I don't hide behind this as a shield from criticism; I've learned to live with it. I learned I couldn't always trust myself to say the right thing or not take things too far due to my inability to see social situations the same way as other people. Doctors have told me this is what happens with me. To make up for this weakness, I learned many years ago to be open with people, relying on permission, asking questions, and requesting others to tell me if something becomes too much. That is what I did with Emily, but despite that, she never once communicated that I said anything that made her uncomfortable until she was considering going public. I was confused when she started ignoring my messages. I don't do well with being ignored; it just makes me worry a lot about the other person because I do best with open communication. When I have nothing to work with, I can't really understand what someone is thinking, and in this case, I thought she liked how it was going. It usually leads to me just wishing each day will be the day I get to hear they're okay. I've learned now that repeated messages like this can be stressful to others. I did everything she wanted me to do once she told me she didn't like it, and took it into my own hands to get mental help and learn more about my issues. It's perfectly fine to revoke consent or decide it's getting to be too much, but this wasn't told to me; I was told the opposite of that. This isn't a case of, “I only listened when I got caught." I did listen.

Chuggaaconroy April 2024 Statement on Lady Emily 11


Uploaded by Phillip Hamilton Apr 17, 2024 at 10:15AM EDT

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Origin Entry: Chuggaaconroy Foot Fetish / Sexual Harassment Allegations

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After communicating with Emile, we would like this message out there. Yes, Emile and I were engaged. Keeping it private was a mutual decision, especially through the first several years. After that, when Emile expressed interest in becoming public, I was hesitant because of how much social pressure was already put on our relationship. He was respectful of that, and we proceeded with the status quo. We do not condone the harassment of any party, and the omission was an effort to prevent speculation about our now very separate personal lives. Ultimately it was a personal matter and a joint decision between two adults. I would like to reiterate that my objective with my previous post was just to be left alone, and that has not changed. I was being asked a lot of invasive questions with increasing frequency, as I'm sure Emile has as well. We do not want to be associated, we do not want to hear of each other moving forward- a mutual sentiment as our paths are now completely separate and we want to move on with our lives. Although I cannot be a part of his journey, I wish Emile luck on his healing and his path forward.
Regardless of my clarifications and context, I definitely still made mistakes and learned lessons, as well as learned new things about how my mind works. I don't want to get carried away and make it sound like I'm 100% blameless. I needed psychiatric help for my depression and roleplay behavior. I took your criticism of my person seriously and am forever working every day to ensure nothing like this could ever happen again. It will not happen again. I'm a fan of numbers, so let me show you. Since privately confronted about this, I: •Saw my therapist 6 times before anything was made public. •Completed 11 behavioral health sessions with a psychologist. Continuing to do so for the foreseeable future. •Spent 5 nights in a mental ward and have met with my doctors twice since then. •Read numerous medical articles to understand my conditions better and how to avoid mistakes. •Have never missed a dosage of 4 medications and supplements that better regulate my brain activity. •Have not ever wanted to roleplay again. •Feel more self-aware and cognizant than at any point in my life up to this point. I can be absolutely certain I would never disappoint you like this again. And I say that knowing you will hold me to a higher standard than ever. I have and always will continue to give it my all in the psychiatric help I sought out. In my mind, nothing after my apology changed that I meant every word and was already in the process of making good on all of this. Months before anything went public. Some of these, I learned and grew from many years ago. I would have been here to tell you this sooner had my mental trauma not kept me from it. I needed to heal.
Moving Forward I'd like to make an ode to my friends. Several reached out the night I came home from the hospital. They didn't want me to be alone and still believed I was a good person. Heck, I think some of you believed I was more innocent than I did. It took me a while to see this your way. I love all of you, my friends. Even if you were critical of me, I cannot bring myself to not love you. Some of it was things I already agreed with, some of it was things I needed to hear. And some of it was telling me this wasn't as bad as I thought. I want to thank my best friend Tim/NintendoCapriSun. He handled so many decisions in all of this for me when I was not well enough to make them for myself. He cooked for me every day when I wasn't allowed near the knives. I think you really saved me. Please support him with all you can. I didn't say this last time. I'm so sorry for all the heartache and worry I caused my friends and caused you. I worked hard every day to make sure I would never make you feel like this again and could be dependable once more. I really didn't mean to do harm here, and feel I've learned about myself in ways I didn't know I needed to. These are positive things.
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    Uploaded Apr 17, 2024 at 10:15AM EDT

    Origin Entry

    Chuggaaconroy Foot Fetish / Sexual Harassment Allegations

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