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I think I need to go back in time a bit to talk about my mental health. Back in 2021, I went through many hardships all at once and it still stands as the worst year of my life. I tried getting psychiatric help, but the mental health industry was overrun due to the pandemic and I was denied help at every turn. At one point, it took my healthcare nine months to get back to me, only to be told "sorry, there's just nothing available.” Similarly, I was physically cut off from everyone I knew and lived alone in my house for months. The only help I could get for this in 2021 at all was a phone service that sponsors YouTubers, and honestly, it didn't work and I now have a low opinion of it. They didn't help me figure out my behaviors. It was just "are you suicidal?" and "I'm sorry to hear that." They even encouraged my roleplaying with friends as a fix for the hardships I was going through. That was how I got back into it after a long time and what pushed me to ask Lawly as an adult. I'd had a few bad years and think I just made some bad calls. My counselor there didn't know about the Internet, only listened to me for a few months, and then recommended I leave so their schedule could fit in more suicidal people. I didn't realize until 2023 how cruel this was or that I still had lasting trauma from 2021 until a friend told me I wasn't okay. I think all of this had a lasting impact. I was operating for the last three years without the psychiatric help I really needed.

Chuggaaconroy Mental Ward 3


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Origin Entry: Chuggaaconroy Foot Fetish / Sexual Harassment Allegations

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After communicating with Emile, we would like this message out there. Yes, Emile and I were engaged. Keeping it private was a mutual decision, especially through the first several years. After that, when Emile expressed interest in becoming public, I was hesitant because of how much social pressure was already put on our relationship. He was respectful of that, and we proceeded with the status quo. We do not condone the harassment of any party, and the omission was an effort to prevent speculation about our now very separate personal lives. Ultimately it was a personal matter and a joint decision between two adults. I would like to reiterate that my objective with my previous post was just to be left alone, and that has not changed. I was being asked a lot of invasive questions with increasing frequency, as I'm sure Emile has as well. We do not want to be associated, we do not want to hear of each other moving forward- a mutual sentiment as our paths are now completely separate and we want to move on with our lives. Although I cannot be a part of his journey, I wish Emile luck on his healing and his path forward.
Regardless of my clarifications and context, I definitely still made mistakes and learned lessons, as well as learned new things about how my mind works. I don't want to get carried away and make it sound like I'm 100% blameless. I needed psychiatric help for my depression and roleplay behavior. I took your criticism of my person seriously and am forever working every day to ensure nothing like this could ever happen again. It will not happen again. I'm a fan of numbers, so let me show you. Since privately confronted about this, I: •Saw my therapist 6 times before anything was made public. •Completed 11 behavioral health sessions with a psychologist. Continuing to do so for the foreseeable future. •Spent 5 nights in a mental ward and have met with my doctors twice since then. •Read numerous medical articles to understand my conditions better and how to avoid mistakes. •Have never missed a dosage of 4 medications and supplements that better regulate my brain activity. •Have not ever wanted to roleplay again. •Feel more self-aware and cognizant than at any point in my life up to this point. I can be absolutely certain I would never disappoint you like this again. And I say that knowing you will hold me to a higher standard than ever. I have and always will continue to give it my all in the psychiatric help I sought out. In my mind, nothing after my apology changed that I meant every word and was already in the process of making good on all of this. Months before anything went public. Some of these, I learned and grew from many years ago. I would have been here to tell you this sooner had my mental trauma not kept me from it. I needed to heal.
Moving Forward I'd like to make an ode to my friends. Several reached out the night I came home from the hospital. They didn't want me to be alone and still believed I was a good person. Heck, I think some of you believed I was more innocent than I did. It took me a while to see this your way. I love all of you, my friends. Even if you were critical of me, I cannot bring myself to not love you. Some of it was things I already agreed with, some of it was things I needed to hear. And some of it was telling me this wasn't as bad as I thought. I want to thank my best friend Tim/NintendoCapriSun. He handled so many decisions in all of this for me when I was not well enough to make them for myself. He cooked for me every day when I wasn't allowed near the knives. I think you really saved me. Please support him with all you can. I didn't say this last time. I'm so sorry for all the heartache and worry I caused my friends and caused you. I worked hard every day to make sure I would never make you feel like this again and could be dependable once more. I really didn't mean to do harm here, and feel I've learned about myself in ways I didn't know I needed to. These are positive things.
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    Uploaded Apr 17, 2024 at 10:55AM EDT

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    Chuggaaconroy Foot Fetish / Sexual Harassment Allegations

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