I can remember all the times I stood outside in the cold and stared into the sky, without any real reason. I can remember staying up until ridiculous hours watching my favorite shows on Adult Swim…I remember all the times I stayed up late, knowing I had school the next morning anyway. I was always stuck between getting ready for bed and being too tired to do so. Subsequently I got little sleep.
I remember the time I stepped on an icy pond only to have my leg go through, and being afraid my mom and grandfather would find my wet leg later and be upset I had walked on the ice at all.
I remember staying at my female friend’s house until 3 in the morning and almost falling asleep on her bed, wondering what it would be like to stay with her forever. I remember sitting alone in my house, wondering if I’d ever make any friends here at school, refreshing page after page of forums, hoping I could at least be a part of a pseudo-community. I remember worrying about my brother constantly as I still do, hoping he gets out more and knowing he won’t unless something in his life changes…
I remember the first time I ever heard music so beautiful it made me cry. Along the same lines, I remember singing the Hallelujah Chorus along with most of my family at my grandfather’s funeral. Just like he’d always wanted.
I remember being the most hated and then among the most loved people in my high school.
I remember struggles, failure after failure, pain, divisions, abuses, departures, rejections…and just enough hope, just enough of the taste of success to keep me going.
Thanks for this Patrick, I needed it.